Football transfer rumours: Ashley Cole to Liverpool?

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/may/21/football-transfer-rumours-ashley-cole-liverpool

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Won’t somebody think of poor Yaya Touré? The overgrown toddler has been spent so much time crying over the past 24 hours because he wasn’t given a Bugatti for his birthday that his room is starting to resemble the Dead Sea and while that was a novelty for a while, it’s starting to become a bit of a nuisance and with Manchester City refusing to pay for someone to come round and wash the water away, it’s no surprise Touré wants to return to Barcelona.

This is a grave, shocking humanitarian crisis on a grand scale and perhaps the only way for us to put a smile back on Touré’s face is if we all clump together and get him that Bugatti. As such, the Mill would be delighted to man the phone lines all day and take your donations. Please, give generously – you can change one little boy’s life with one small act of kindness.

But first, more rumours, such as Liverpool wanting to improve their defence by giving Ashley Cole, a free agent now, a two-year contract. That would be a pretty good way of improving their defence. Unfortunately Brendan Rodgers faces competition from Arsenal, Milan, Manchester City, Monaco, Paris-Saint Germain and, er, Tottenham.

Liverpool sniffing around the Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk winger Yevhen Konoplyanka again, having remembered how fun it was when they tried to sign him in January. However, Manchester United are also interested, with Louis van Gaal making his presence felt at Old Trafford already; he’s also lining up a deal for Bayern Munich’s Toni Kroos, while Southampton’s Luke Shaw has been spotted house-hunting in Cheshire. The natural order is being restored.

Tom Ince wants to play for Internazionale, just like his dad. Presumably he would also like to finish his career at Wolves.

Newcastle still want Darren Bent, but Aston Villa are ready to welcome the striker, 47, back into the fold after his sterling work on loan at Fulham.

Jack Colback. Free transfer. Swansea City. What more do you need to know?

Sam Allardyce has been told to play with more style. West Ham are closing in on the signing of Phil Bardsley.