Always ask on a first date: are you a Tory?
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Version 0 of 1. This week, OKComrade has been the highlight of my Facebook feed. The page, and its sister Twitter account, describe themselves as a dating service for "socialists, communists, and anarchists wherever they might be", and ads ranging from the jokey to the endearingly earnest have been pouring in. Jacob, a single socialist who founded the service on a whim with a few friends, has seen the idea grow from a flippant hashtag to a viral groundswell, gathering more than 3,000 Facebook likes in the last few days. Now, he and his friends plan to launch a website and smartphone app. As a happily engaged woman, I don't need OKComrade, but I'm delighted that it exists. It's high time for lefties to have a dating site of our own. Christians, Muslims, Jews, and atheists have long had their own matchmaking sites, but those searching for a politically suited partner have had less luck. Mainstream dating sites take ideology into account, but taboos against talking politics mean that major differences can be hidden for months or even years. This is unhelpful to the hopeful suitor. Research shows that spouses are more likely to share politics than personality traits, and that their views rarely change after marriage. This idea makes sense to Jacob. "Your politics are a reflection of your entire worldview," he says. To him, the passion and intensity of leftwing activism, struggling against the odds in an era of austerity, makes finding the right partner even more important. "In a world as dark as the one in which we live, as hard as our struggles may be, we still need to have that source of happiness, of companionship, to sustain us," he says. Our politics are more than our voting patterns; as politicians often remind us, they reflect our deeper values, which affect how we relate to others and how we see ourselves. It's said that one can test one's potential partner by observing how they treat service staff – but their politics can be an even deeper test. Many people can be kind to a waiter or clerk, but over time one's true beliefs will out. Consider Romeo, a five-year-old boy who likes to wear princess dresses. When he was asked not to return to a church playgroup, his parents were united in their vocal support of their son. Without that unity – impossible without a foundation of shared values – Romeo might have suffered parental disharmony along with his social ostracism. Most life decisions are political. Planning a family, from birth to death, brings up profound questions about gender and work. As for myself, I could not flourish as an out sex worker without the support of my wonderful fiance. He doesn't call himself a socialist, but his deeply held belief in social justice helps him to weather the stigma of my work. Following his lead, his family has welcomed me with open arms. In turn, when his daughter fell ill and had to go on to benefits, I reached out to her with compassion, not criticism. On the left, we draw parallels between our own struggles and those of others. In solidarity, we march with striking care workers or undocumented migrants. Too often, though, we forget solidarity in our relationships. At home, a committed organiser might face anything from the petty indignity of a failing relationship to outright abuse. Perhaps OKComrade offers us more than a date – it invites us to find ways of applying our principles to our relationships. By consciously, and compassionately, dating fellow leftists, we're taking a step towards creating a shared culture. This is a powerful blow against alienation, and an optimistic sign that another world is possible. |