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Gender discrimination isn't fair, but it's no reason to give up on self-confidence Gender discrimination isn't fair, but it's no reason to give up on self-confidence
(4 months later)
For decades now, female students at the US Naval Academy at Annapolis have been referred to by their male counterparts with an innocuous sounding acronym: Dubs. There are more than enough hurdles for the women at Annapolis, young women there told us – and so challenging a nickname that seems to have lost its sting is often a battle they choose not to fight. Many of the women themselves actually use the term jokingly. A pint of ice cream is often somewhat affectionately called a "Dub tub". Still, imagine trying to feel genuinely confident – much less respected – when you are called, in shorthand, and on a regular basis, a Dumb Ugly Bitch.For decades now, female students at the US Naval Academy at Annapolis have been referred to by their male counterparts with an innocuous sounding acronym: Dubs. There are more than enough hurdles for the women at Annapolis, young women there told us – and so challenging a nickname that seems to have lost its sting is often a battle they choose not to fight. Many of the women themselves actually use the term jokingly. A pint of ice cream is often somewhat affectionately called a "Dub tub". Still, imagine trying to feel genuinely confident – much less respected – when you are called, in shorthand, and on a regular basis, a Dumb Ugly Bitch.
Dubs is a phrase actively condemned by the leadership at Annapolis, which is working overtime these days to create a supportive (and safe) environment for its women. There's even a Lean In circle at the academy now. But Dubs and its persistence is a useful reminder of lingering institutional bias. Sexism remains stubborn and subtle, and shouldn't be ignored. Dubs is a phrase actively condemned by the leadership at Annapolis, which is working overtime these days to create a supportive (and safe) environment for its women. There's even a Lean In circle at the academy now. But Dubs and its persistence is a useful reminder of lingering institutional bias. Sexism remains stubborn and subtle, and shouldn't be ignored.
In writing about our new book in these pages, Jessica Valenti points to gender inequity in the workplace, and suggests female lack of confidence is just "a reflection of a culture that gives women no reason to feel self-assured". We completely agree. Workplace inequity is, in fact, one of the culprits, and that's why we wrote about Dubs and a host of workplace issues as well.In writing about our new book in these pages, Jessica Valenti points to gender inequity in the workplace, and suggests female lack of confidence is just "a reflection of a culture that gives women no reason to feel self-assured". We completely agree. Workplace inequity is, in fact, one of the culprits, and that's why we wrote about Dubs and a host of workplace issues as well.
But the reality that the game isn't entirely fair is not sufficient reason to ignore one factor we actually have real power to change. We refuse to accept that women can't summon confidence when there are no women in the room, or when there aren't enough women in command, or when we're working in an environment with values we didn't design. That's hardly an empowering notion. Women are stronger and better than that. But the reality that the game isn't entirely fair is not sufficient reason to ignore one factor we actually have real power to change. We refuse to accept that women can't summon confidence when there are no women in the room, or when there aren't enough women in command, or when we're working in an environment with values we didn't design. That's hardly an empowering notion. Women are stronger and better than that.
Would we be more "naturally" confident, in our operational style and in our power, were the world run by women? Certainly. Are female values critical and perhaps even superior in the workplace? Probably. But it will take a realpolitik approach, not a grievance politics approach, to get there. It is obvious that women are in a much better position to influence policy – and to change the nature of the workplace – when they sit at the top. When we run for political office, put ourselves forward for managerial positions or speak up in that daunting professional space in big numbers, that's when we can really get things done.Would we be more "naturally" confident, in our operational style and in our power, were the world run by women? Certainly. Are female values critical and perhaps even superior in the workplace? Probably. But it will take a realpolitik approach, not a grievance politics approach, to get there. It is obvious that women are in a much better position to influence policy – and to change the nature of the workplace – when they sit at the top. When we run for political office, put ourselves forward for managerial positions or speak up in that daunting professional space in big numbers, that's when we can really get things done.
Hillary Clinton has been preaching the necessity of confidence for young women lately, though her message was overshadowed by the announcement of another Clinton on the way. She offered vivid wisdom from an earlier pioneer: Hillary Clinton has been preaching the necessity of confidence for young women lately, though her message was overshadowed by the announcement of another Clinton on the way. She offered vivid wisdom from an earlier pioneer:
The best advice I've seen came from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said that women in politics or in public roles should grow skin like a rhinoceros.The best advice I've seen came from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said that women in politics or in public roles should grow skin like a rhinoceros.
That, Clinton explained, paves the road to self-assurance. Is it fair that the world may make that harder for our gender to muster? No. But do we feel more satisfaction when we can approach challenges with confidence? Unquestionably. That, Clinton explained, paves the road to self-assurance. Is it fair that the world may make that harder for our gender to muster? No. But do we feel more satisfaction when we can approach challenges with confidence? Unquestionably.
Wellesley professor and feminist Peggy McIntosh offers a path forward. It's critical, she explains, for women to understand that their lack of confidence is not always "a personal defect", as Valenti writes – indeed, that the gap does have societal and institutional roots. But McIntosh also believes that information can and should become part of our fuel for action, which will in turn breed confidence.Wellesley professor and feminist Peggy McIntosh offers a path forward. It's critical, she explains, for women to understand that their lack of confidence is not always "a personal defect", as Valenti writes – indeed, that the gap does have societal and institutional roots. But McIntosh also believes that information can and should become part of our fuel for action, which will in turn breed confidence.
There is so much we can't fix or affect or impact immediately and individually, but, according to research we've outlined in our book, confidence is something we can work with. It may be unevenly and unfairly distributed, but it's straightforward to acquire. And solving this internal shortage, one woman at a time, can help tear down some of the larger barriers women as a group face. It's not the only path forward, of course, but it works.There is so much we can't fix or affect or impact immediately and individually, but, according to research we've outlined in our book, confidence is something we can work with. It may be unevenly and unfairly distributed, but it's straightforward to acquire. And solving this internal shortage, one woman at a time, can help tear down some of the larger barriers women as a group face. It's not the only path forward, of course, but it works.
Women instinctively recognize the confidence gap in themselves, and want to experience the fortitude and resilience confidence can bring. Who among us wouldn't like to shorten the cycles of doubt and rumination, to escape from the straight-jacket of perfectionism that makes risk, and failure, seem so daunting?Women instinctively recognize the confidence gap in themselves, and want to experience the fortitude and resilience confidence can bring. Who among us wouldn't like to shorten the cycles of doubt and rumination, to escape from the straight-jacket of perfectionism that makes risk, and failure, seem so daunting?
We can start by being a bit tougher. Not on the men. We don't need to invent derogatory echoes of Dubs as retribution. In answer to a question so many women have asked us: no, we don't have to be jerks to be confident.We can start by being a bit tougher. Not on the men. We don't need to invent derogatory echoes of Dubs as retribution. In answer to a question so many women have asked us: no, we don't have to be jerks to be confident.
The best confidence-building gift you can give your friend, your daughter, your colleague, or the next female Naval cadet you meet is not to simply tell her, yet again, that the world is unfair. Or to merely suggest that she is perfect and fabulous just as she is, and that everything will work out. Push her, instead, to try the things that are hard, to win and even to lose. That's what nurtures confidence – no matter the inhospitable environment. That's what will move us toward a culture that truly values self-assured women. The best confidence-building gift you can give your friend, your daughter, your colleague, or the next female Naval cadet you meet is not to simply tell her, yet again, that the world is unfair. Or to merely suggest that she is perfect and fabulous just as she is, and that everything will work out. Push her, instead, to try the things that are hard, to win and even to lose. That's what nurtures confidence – no matter the inhospitable environment. That's what will move us toward a culture that truly values self-assured women.