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| 'I was made in Middlesbrough' | 'I was made in Middlesbrough' |
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| By Shaun Harley Certified 'Smoggie' Middlesbrough may have topped a poll of the worst places to live in Britain, but one local is prepared to face down its critics. After all, what other town can lay claim to Picasso, the Proms and a delicacy known as the parmo? | By Shaun Harley Certified 'Smoggie' Middlesbrough may have topped a poll of the worst places to live in Britain, but one local is prepared to face down its critics. After all, what other town can lay claim to Picasso, the Proms and a delicacy known as the parmo? |
| 'Yer jokin' aren' yer!' That was my typically Teesside reaction to the news that a survey of council areas carried out for a Channel 4 show has placed the town in the top 10 of its "worst" list for the third year running. | |
| And this time it has jumped from sixth place to topple Hackney from the ignominious top spot. | And this time it has jumped from sixth place to topple Hackney from the ignominious top spot. |
| Like many people from the area, I don't deny that the town suffers from a relatively poor standard of living, but statistics only tell part of the story. | |
| Middlesbrough transporter bridge - picture: Dave RobinsonEnlarge Image Middlesbrough is a town fighting its way back, fuelled by huge regeneration, modern creativity and the best post-pub delicacy in the western world. | Middlesbrough transporter bridge - picture: Dave RobinsonEnlarge Image Middlesbrough is a town fighting its way back, fuelled by huge regeneration, modern creativity and the best post-pub delicacy in the western world. |
| Many parts of the North East have had to cope with the loss of industry and a declining manufacturing base and times have been hard for Middlesbrough in recent years. But a £1.5bn investment programme is slowly transforming the town. | Many parts of the North East have had to cope with the loss of industry and a declining manufacturing base and times have been hard for Middlesbrough in recent years. But a £1.5bn investment programme is slowly transforming the town. |
| To be honest, it's the least it deserves. The area's ironworks, steelworks, shipbuilding and chemical plants made a hefty contribution to British prosperity - no doubt profiting the merchants and landowners of leafy, pollution-free places elsewhere in the country. | To be honest, it's the least it deserves. The area's ironworks, steelworks, shipbuilding and chemical plants made a hefty contribution to British prosperity - no doubt profiting the merchants and landowners of leafy, pollution-free places elsewhere in the country. |
| For a time in the 19th Century, this corner of England used to set the world price for iron and steel. | For a time in the 19th Century, this corner of England used to set the world price for iron and steel. |
| It's telling that the area's most impressive structural achievement sits 12,000 miles away - the world-famous Sydney Harbour Bridge The town's first professional football club, established in the late Victorian era, was called Middlesbrough Ironopolis, surely the most intimidating club name ever? In the 1930s, local company Dorman Long used "Boro steel" to build the Tyne Bridge for our grateful North-Eastern cousins. | It's telling that the area's most impressive structural achievement sits 12,000 miles away - the world-famous Sydney Harbour Bridge The town's first professional football club, established in the late Victorian era, was called Middlesbrough Ironopolis, surely the most intimidating club name ever? In the 1930s, local company Dorman Long used "Boro steel" to build the Tyne Bridge for our grateful North-Eastern cousins. |
| The famous Transporter Bridge remains a local landmark but the area's export-focused prowess might explain why the town made do with an uninspiring grid-style development when it took off in the mid-19th Century and little noticeable investment was made in its own distinctive architecture. | The famous Transporter Bridge remains a local landmark but the area's export-focused prowess might explain why the town made do with an uninspiring grid-style development when it took off in the mid-19th Century and little noticeable investment was made in its own distinctive architecture. |
| It's perhaps telling that the area's most impressive structural achievement sits 12,000 miles away - the world-famous Sydney Harbour Bridge. | It's perhaps telling that the area's most impressive structural achievement sits 12,000 miles away - the world-famous Sydney Harbour Bridge. |
| But the bridge does have "MADE IN MIDDLESBROUGH" emblazoned on its side, which in our book beats a plaque outside a disused railway station or yet another renovated mill. Our other famous export was Captain James Cook, whose statue can be found across the New World. | But the bridge does have "MADE IN MIDDLESBROUGH" emblazoned on its side, which in our book beats a plaque outside a disused railway station or yet another renovated mill. Our other famous export was Captain James Cook, whose statue can be found across the New World. |
| Stunning scenery | Stunning scenery |
| The town has experienced huge economic changes but Teesport is still the UK's second largest port and the ICI petrochemical plant continues to dominate the Teesside skyline. | The town has experienced huge economic changes but Teesport is still the UK's second largest port and the ICI petrochemical plant continues to dominate the Teesside skyline. |
| And when its towers light up at night, it's a modern Technicolor wonder. Who says so? Well, local lad Ridley Scott, whose dad worked in the shipyards, was inspired to create Blade Runner (and what would you rather watch... Howards End?) | And when its towers light up at night, it's a modern Technicolor wonder. Who says so? Well, local lad Ridley Scott, whose dad worked in the shipyards, was inspired to create Blade Runner (and what would you rather watch... Howards End?) |
| Those towers are why we're called "Smoggies" by the Mackems and Geordies. Sunderland and Newcastle aren't exactly renowned for being rural idylls so we always laugh at away games when they scream: "What's it like to smell fresh air!" | Those towers are why we're called "Smoggies" by the Mackems and Geordies. Sunderland and Newcastle aren't exactly renowned for being rural idylls so we always laugh at away games when they scream: "What's it like to smell fresh air!" |
| Journey South sparked a Boro musical renaissance Perhaps it's a genuine question rather than terrace banter. After all, Middlesbrough is surrounded by the stunning Cleveland Hills and is only a few miles from the North Yorkshire Moors and the Yorkshire Dales. | Journey South sparked a Boro musical renaissance Perhaps it's a genuine question rather than terrace banter. After all, Middlesbrough is surrounded by the stunning Cleveland Hills and is only a few miles from the North Yorkshire Moors and the Yorkshire Dales. |
| The urban landscape is starting to improve following the opening of the Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art (Mima) in the town's revamped central square, reportedly now the largest civic space in Europe. | The urban landscape is starting to improve following the opening of the Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art (Mima) in the town's revamped central square, reportedly now the largest civic space in Europe. |
| Ok, we might have a poorly-designed, boring town centre - where pockets of grass were surrounded by railings, presumably to protect them from extinction - but at least it can now claim to be home to Picasso, David Hockney, Andy Warhol, Henri Matisse and Damien Hirst. | Ok, we might have a poorly-designed, boring town centre - where pockets of grass were surrounded by railings, presumably to protect them from extinction - but at least it can now claim to be home to Picasso, David Hockney, Andy Warhol, Henri Matisse and Damien Hirst. |
| And this summer, the town hosted an outdoor airing of the Last Night of the Proms - just when it seemed the triumph of handsome twosome Journey South making the X-Factor top three was the summit of our musical achievement. | And this summer, the town hosted an outdoor airing of the Last Night of the Proms - just when it seemed the triumph of handsome twosome Journey South making the X-Factor top three was the summit of our musical achievement. |
| Football has always been in the town's bloodIn the recent past, Mima's artistic line-up might have been mistaken for the latest influx of foreign stars to join the town's Premiership football club. (Sub)urban myth has it that stars would be given a tour of the picturesque village of nearby Yarm, rather than downtown 'Boro, when they flew in to discuss the deal. | Football has always been in the town's bloodIn the recent past, Mima's artistic line-up might have been mistaken for the latest influx of foreign stars to join the town's Premiership football club. (Sub)urban myth has it that stars would be given a tour of the picturesque village of nearby Yarm, rather than downtown 'Boro, when they flew in to discuss the deal. |
| But the club now has arguably the best academy system in the country, filling the first team squad and feeding the national team at junior and senior levels. | But the club now has arguably the best academy system in the country, filling the first team squad and feeding the national team at junior and senior levels. |
| And while the rest of the league falls prey to foreign billionaires, the chairman is a local businessman who saved the club in the 1980s when he was still only in his twenties. Steve Gibson has since invested heavily, making it arguably the most successful English club outside the "big four" in the past 10 years. | And while the rest of the league falls prey to foreign billionaires, the chairman is a local businessman who saved the club in the 1980s when he was still only in his twenties. Steve Gibson has since invested heavily, making it arguably the most successful English club outside the "big four" in the past 10 years. |
| 'Paaaaaaarmo, please' | 'Paaaaaaarmo, please' |
| Hard lives make for hard people but Middlesbrough folk are generally warm and like nothing more than a laugh over a pint or three. The University of Teesside provides a thriving population of 20,000 students, who enjoy the town's many pubs, bars and clubs. | Hard lives make for hard people but Middlesbrough folk are generally warm and like nothing more than a laugh over a pint or three. The University of Teesside provides a thriving population of 20,000 students, who enjoy the town's many pubs, bars and clubs. |
| A huge public square surrounds MimaIt can take a little while for outsiders to get used to the local accent though, which can use elongated vowel sounds - "I'm wearing me peeeeerrrrrple sheeeerrrrrrt tonight, like". This is usually delivered out of the side of the mouth, an economy of speech that makes the area a fertile recruiting ground for MI5, which probably explains David Shayler. | A huge public square surrounds MimaIt can take a little while for outsiders to get used to the local accent though, which can use elongated vowel sounds - "I'm wearing me peeeeerrrrrple sheeeerrrrrrt tonight, like". This is usually delivered out of the side of the mouth, an economy of speech that makes the area a fertile recruiting ground for MI5, which probably explains David Shayler. |
| A night spent in Teesside's finest hostelries wouldn't be complete without sampling the incomparable parmo. This consists of a chicken or pork escalope, covered in cheese sauce and served with chips and salad (all the main food groups are represented) in a polystyrene dish the size of a UFO. | A night spent in Teesside's finest hostelries wouldn't be complete without sampling the incomparable parmo. This consists of a chicken or pork escalope, covered in cheese sauce and served with chips and salad (all the main food groups are represented) in a polystyrene dish the size of a UFO. |
| It's worth getting your order in quickly because it can take a while to get through the chorus of "Paaaaaaarmo, please" at the counters of the various parmo houses. | It's worth getting your order in quickly because it can take a while to get through the chorus of "Paaaaaaarmo, please" at the counters of the various parmo houses. |
| And to show how fair minded we are in Middlesbrough, here's a proposition for Phil Spencer and Katie Allsopp, the presenters of Best and Worst Places to Live 2007. | And to show how fair minded we are in Middlesbrough, here's a proposition for Phil Spencer and Katie Allsopp, the presenters of Best and Worst Places to Live 2007. |
| If they come up to Middlesbrough to see the town for real, we'll treat them to a free parmo. You see, property prices aren't silly in Middlesbrough, so we can afford it. Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | If they come up to Middlesbrough to see the town for real, we'll treat them to a free parmo. You see, property prices aren't silly in Middlesbrough, so we can afford it. Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |