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| By Tom Geoghegan BBC News Magazine It's the unspoken dilemma dividing Britain - one kiss, or two. Once the preserve of family and close friends, the peck on the cheek is creeping into all walks of life. But no one is sure when it's suitable, and how many are appropriate. | By Tom Geoghegan BBC News Magazine It's the unspoken dilemma dividing Britain - one kiss, or two. Once the preserve of family and close friends, the peck on the cheek is creeping into all walks of life. But no one is sure when it's suitable, and how many are appropriate. |
| Greeting used to be a straightforward handshake, but not anymore. | Greeting used to be a straightforward handshake, but not anymore. |
| You offer a hand and you get a cheek. | You offer a hand and you get a cheek. |
| You give a nervous peck and then as you pull back you get offered a second cheek. | You give a nervous peck and then as you pull back you get offered a second cheek. |
| One kiss or two? With the other person hovering awkwardly on their front foot, you go back in at speed to finish the job, leaving you both blushing and giggling in embarrassment. At least a clash of heads was avoided. | One kiss or two? With the other person hovering awkwardly on their front foot, you go back in at speed to finish the job, leaving you both blushing and giggling in embarrassment. At least a clash of heads was avoided. |
| Welcome to the social minefield of greeting in 21st Century Britain - how to judge the expectations of the other person, without appearing over-familiar or uptight? | Welcome to the social minefield of greeting in 21st Century Britain - how to judge the expectations of the other person, without appearing over-familiar or uptight? |
| David Cameron showed how deftly it could be done when responding to the unexpected second cheek offered by a woman he met in Oxford (see video, above). | David Cameron showed how deftly it could be done when responding to the unexpected second cheek offered by a woman he met in Oxford (see video, above). |
| But sometimes the wrong form of greeting can cause offence and provoke a diplomatic incident, such as when former French president Jacques Chirac refrained from his usual hand-kissing when he met the then Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett. | But sometimes the wrong form of greeting can cause offence and provoke a diplomatic incident, such as when former French president Jacques Chirac refrained from his usual hand-kissing when he met the then Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett. |
| 'Excruciating' meetings | 'Excruciating' meetings |
| And now the chaotic practice of hugs, shakes and kisses is sowing confusion in the once-stuffy business world, where not long ago taking off a tie raised eyebrows. | And now the chaotic practice of hugs, shakes and kisses is sowing confusion in the once-stuffy business world, where not long ago taking off a tie raised eyebrows. |
| The start and end of meetings with clients can be excruciating, says Rebecca Williams of CHA, a workplace communications consultancy. | The start and end of meetings with clients can be excruciating, says Rebecca Williams of CHA, a workplace communications consultancy. |
GUIDE TO HUGS AND KISSES | href="/nol/shared/spl/hi/dhtml_slides/css/styles.css?v1" media="screen" rel="stylesheet" />GUIDE TO HUGS AND KISSES |
| The handshake is always fine, even with a stranger, says body language expert Judi James, but eye contact is important. | The handshake is always fine, even with a stranger, says body language expert Judi James, but eye contact is important. |
| The air kiss should only come after you've shared a social discussion, such as lunch with a client. Two is becoming common. | The air kiss should only come after you've shared a social discussion, such as lunch with a client. Two is becoming common. |
| The Sopranos hug-and-pat is increasingly common between businessmen and says "alpha-male". No pelvic contact. | The Sopranos hug-and-pat is increasingly common between businessmen and says "alpha-male". No pelvic contact. |
| The lips-to-lips is creeping into some industries but is unhygienic and rarely appropriate in the business world. | The lips-to-lips is creeping into some industries but is unhygienic and rarely appropriate in the business world. |
| The hand-kiss favoured by Jacques Chirac could be seen as an insult in the UK and usually prompts giggles. | The hand-kiss favoured by Jacques Chirac could be seen as an insult in the UK and usually prompts giggles. |
| BACKNEXT1 of 5"There's a moment of tense awkwardness when a person leading the meeting kisses a client and everyone else gets a bit anxious - what do we do now? | BACKNEXT1 of 5"There's a moment of tense awkwardness when a person leading the meeting kisses a client and everyone else gets a bit anxious - what do we do now? |
| "Once two people kiss, they set a precedent and then we all have to kiss everyone. It can be really uncomfortable but protocol dictates that we have to." | "Once two people kiss, they set a precedent and then we all have to kiss everyone. It can be really uncomfortable but protocol dictates that we have to." |
| People working in public relations usually go for two kisses, she says, but it can depend on the nationality. In her experience, Americans don't kiss, Argentines have two and Parisians four. | People working in public relations usually go for two kisses, she says, but it can depend on the nationality. In her experience, Americans don't kiss, Argentines have two and Parisians four. |
| "We've no set number of kisses in the UK. A kiss on one cheek might be fine but sometimes you go for two because we've started to adopt other cultures. It all feels very unnatural." | "We've no set number of kisses in the UK. A kiss on one cheek might be fine but sometimes you go for two because we've started to adopt other cultures. It all feels very unnatural." |
| The British weren't even good at the handshake and now there are other options like hugging, air kissing and even lip kissing, it's a minefield Judi JamesBody language expert She says she keeps a mental note with different clients, to avoid causing possible offence by accidentally "downgrading" a relationship from kiss to handshake. | The British weren't even good at the handshake and now there are other options like hugging, air kissing and even lip kissing, it's a minefield Judi JamesBody language expert She says she keeps a mental note with different clients, to avoid causing possible offence by accidentally "downgrading" a relationship from kiss to handshake. |
| This is an absolutely vital issue, says body language expert Judi James, because a greeting sends out signals of status and charisma and says a lot about your personality. | This is an absolutely vital issue, says body language expert Judi James, because a greeting sends out signals of status and charisma and says a lot about your personality. |
| "The British weren't even good at the handshake and now there are other options like hugging, air kissing and even lip kissing, it's a minefield." | "The British weren't even good at the handshake and now there are other options like hugging, air kissing and even lip kissing, it's a minefield." |
| This confusion has inhibited people because they are scared of getting it wrong, she says. Her quick guide is that handshakes are always fine, while kisses should be reserved for people you have some kind of social relationship with, even if that's just a client you've shared lunch with. | This confusion has inhibited people because they are scared of getting it wrong, she says. Her quick guide is that handshakes are always fine, while kisses should be reserved for people you have some kind of social relationship with, even if that's just a client you've shared lunch with. |
| Two kisses has become increasingly common but some people find that embarrassing and in France one is more intimate than two. Never say "mwah, mwah" because it smacks of insincerity. | Two kisses has become increasingly common but some people find that embarrassing and in France one is more intimate than two. Never say "mwah, mwah" because it smacks of insincerity. |
| Red-blooded reserve | Red-blooded reserve |
| It's not the first time the British have got into a muddle by adopting continental mores without any established convention. | It's not the first time the British have got into a muddle by adopting continental mores without any established convention. |
| "Someone needs to lay down the law - a handshake with anyone, air kiss after three meetings, two cheeks and the right cheek first, play golf together and you get a man-hug." | "Someone needs to lay down the law - a handshake with anyone, air kiss after three meetings, two cheeks and the right cheek first, play golf together and you get a man-hug." |
| Honecker famously kissed other heads of stateWhile men commonly practise the kind of hug and back-pat seen on The Sopranos, there is always an avoidance of pelvic contact, to remove any sexual dimension, she adds. | Honecker famously kissed other heads of stateWhile men commonly practise the kind of hug and back-pat seen on The Sopranos, there is always an avoidance of pelvic contact, to remove any sexual dimension, she adds. |
| There was, however, no such red-blooded reserve practised by former East Germany leader Eric Honecker, who famously kissed Leonid Brezhnev on the lips in 1979, an act which was immortalised on the Berlin Wall. | There was, however, no such red-blooded reserve practised by former East Germany leader Eric Honecker, who famously kissed Leonid Brezhnev on the lips in 1979, an act which was immortalised on the Berlin Wall. |
| Organisations should clearly set out the expected levels of intimacy, especially between junior and senior members of staff, says Mark Millard, a chartered psychologist who helps firms and individuals improve their well-being. | Organisations should clearly set out the expected levels of intimacy, especially between junior and senior members of staff, says Mark Millard, a chartered psychologist who helps firms and individuals improve their well-being. |
| And one of the reasons why the British get so flustered about this, he says, is because they inflate the significance of a kiss compared to their neighbours. | And one of the reasons why the British get so flustered about this, he says, is because they inflate the significance of a kiss compared to their neighbours. |
| But don't think the UK is becoming more intimate, says David Pendleton of business psychology firm Edgecumbe in Bristol. | But don't think the UK is becoming more intimate, says David Pendleton of business psychology firm Edgecumbe in Bristol. |
| HOW MANY KISSES? Four: ParisThree: Brittany, Netherlands, Belgium (if other person 10 years older), Egypt, Russia, Switzerland Two: Spain, Austria, Hungary, Greece, some parts of France One: BelgiumClose friends and family only: Germany, Italy, Middle East (except between male friends) Don't try it: Japan (bow) He believes kissing is a sign the UK is merely absorbing foreign trends at a dizzying rate while also being in a hurry to do everything, including forming relationships. | HOW MANY KISSES? Four: ParisThree: Brittany, Netherlands, Belgium (if other person 10 years older), Egypt, Russia, Switzerland Two: Spain, Austria, Hungary, Greece, some parts of France One: BelgiumClose friends and family only: Germany, Italy, Middle East (except between male friends) Don't try it: Japan (bow) He believes kissing is a sign the UK is merely absorbing foreign trends at a dizzying rate while also being in a hurry to do everything, including forming relationships. |
| The confusion comes because there is a push to be more intimate at work - through exercises like team bonding - and a pull in the other direction from people hugely afraid of breaching equality and sexual harassment laws. | The confusion comes because there is a push to be more intimate at work - through exercises like team bonding - and a pull in the other direction from people hugely afraid of breaching equality and sexual harassment laws. |
| "If we were heading for a more intimate business world, it wouldn't be confusing, we'd be hugging each other to death. But at the same time we see people massively nervous of anything other than a handshake." | "If we were heading for a more intimate business world, it wouldn't be confusing, we'd be hugging each other to death. But at the same time we see people massively nervous of anything other than a handshake." |
| So what's the best way to play it, in the boardroom and in life generally? | So what's the best way to play it, in the boardroom and in life generally? |
| There are other ways to break the ice, says Mr Pendleton, such as a joke or a broad smile. | There are other ways to break the ice, says Mr Pendleton, such as a joke or a broad smile. |
| "People can be smiley and warm while being mindful of the kind of personal space issues that people need to work within. Kissing is not the only sign of being confident and relaxed." | "People can be smiley and warm while being mindful of the kind of personal space issues that people need to work within. Kissing is not the only sign of being confident and relaxed." |
| A more succinct rule of thumb might be - be yourself. | A more succinct rule of thumb might be - be yourself. |
Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |
| This is a very real problem, especially when you work for a European company and move around between the UK, France and Germany!In France I tend to find close colleagues kiss twice, but this will not happen immediately, a bond has to be formed first. Germans prefer a handshake at every opportunity. The British as usual are stuck in the middle and when my French colleagues cheek kiss me in my British office it can be very awkward! A kiss from a Board member tends to be good... although it is still referred to as a "kiss of death" for junior employees!Martin, Newport / Paris / Munich | This is a very real problem, especially when you work for a European company and move around between the UK, France and Germany!In France I tend to find close colleagues kiss twice, but this will not happen immediately, a bond has to be formed first. Germans prefer a handshake at every opportunity. The British as usual are stuck in the middle and when my French colleagues cheek kiss me in my British office it can be very awkward! A kiss from a Board member tends to be good... although it is still referred to as a "kiss of death" for junior employees!Martin, Newport / Paris / Munich |
| You should try living in Poland... Pole to Pole, three kisses is the standard. Living with a bunch of ex-pats where zero up to three are all possibilities, anything can happen! Most of us default to three, and hope the other person doesn't pull out midway !Rob Berrington, | You should try living in Poland... Pole to Pole, three kisses is the standard. Living with a bunch of ex-pats where zero up to three are all possibilities, anything can happen! Most of us default to three, and hope the other person doesn't pull out midway !Rob Berrington, |
| This whole multiple kissing thing is utterly ridiculous. We're British; a firm handshake will suffice.Clifford Hayes, Hastings | This whole multiple kissing thing is utterly ridiculous. We're British; a firm handshake will suffice.Clifford Hayes, Hastings |