Danny Dyer on EastEnders – well, would you Adam and Eve it?

http://www.theguardian.com/film/shortcuts/2013/oct/01/danny-dyer-eastenders-landlord-queen-vic

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<strong>Age: </strong>36.

<strong>Appearance: </strong>A proper nostril.

<strong>A what? </strong>Nostril and tweezer: geezer.

<strong>Ah. Is this because Dyer, besides </strong><strong>being one of Harold Pinter's favourite actors</strong><strong>, is also a prominent user of cockney rhyming slang?</strong> You could say Panama.

<strong>I could say what? </strong>Panama hat: that.

<strong>Are you going to keep doing this? </strong>Cot.

<strong>Oh for the love of ... </strong>Cot and baby: maybe.

<strong>Look, can we just get to the point? </strong>We can. Dyer is going to be the new landlord of the Queen Vic in EastEnders.

<strong>Oh gawd.</strong> He'll play Mick Carter, who will arrive at Christmas with his wife Linda, to be played by Kellie Bright. You might remember her as Me Julie in Ali G Indahouse or Kate Aldridge, daughter of that cad Brian in the Archers.

<strong>Two unforgettable roles. </strong>Indeed.

<strong>Do we know more about this Mick Carter chap?</strong> Well he's the brother of Shirley Carter, and the BBC press release describes him as "a bloke's bloke".

<strong>At last! EastEnders hasn't had a really strong gay character since Colin and Barry. </strong>Ah no, not that kind of bloke's bloke. I think he's a bloke that other blokes like, but not in that way.

<strong>Pity.</strong> Mick apparently "loves his missus, his kids, his dog, the monarchy, a bit of Land of Hope and Glory".

<strong>I see. Sounds like a right pain in the lawnmower.</strong> That's one opinion. Like Dyer himself, he grew up surrounded by women, and apparently "thinks nothing of throwing on Linda's pink dressing gown and cooking breakfast for the family in the morning before getting the beer barrels ready downstairs".

<strong>Still in the dressing gown? </strong>It doesn't say.

<strong>And what is Dyer's own view on these developments?</strong> "I'm so excited about starting a new chapter in my career and I cannot wait to become part of the East End family."

<strong>Ah yes, </strong><strong>that unmistakable Dyer idiom</strong><strong>. How about Bright? </strong>"I'm very excited about joining ..."

<strong>And the new executive producer, Dominic Treadwell-Collins? </strong>"I'm so excited to have actors of Danny and Kellie's calibre ..."

<strong>Goodness, what a lot of excitement! Do you think Treadwell-Collins is also excited to be </strong><strong>getting rid of outgoing stars Kierston Wareing, Phaldut Sharma, Daniel Coonan and Rachel Bright</strong><strong>?</strong> Perhaps in private.

<strong>Do say: </strong>"Nursery, gentlemen please!"

<strong>Don't say: </strong>"You're bang out of herbacious!"

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