Fast food hacking – why I won't be ordering a McEverything Burger
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Version 0 of 1. The first response to the news that Nick Chipman from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, ordered every item on his local McDonald's menu to create a 20,000-calorie McEverything Burger is: they sure are starved of fun things to do in Wauwatosa. After that, it's all pure rubbernecking. Who in their right mind would spend $140 (£88) in McDonald's when they could splash out on something that's, y'know, nice to eat? Some fast-food venues such as the cult In-N-Out Burger in California, have a so-called secret menu that enables you to order ever bigger combinations of patties and buns so you can claim to be in the know. But most of what's called fast food menu "hacking" – ordering off the rigid menu to enhance the experience – is about attempting to get more for less, rather than just throwing money at the issue. Naturally, the "skinny" – generally for people who aren't – is shared online. One site reports that you can get a poor man's Big Mac by ordering the much cheaper McDouble – two patties in one bun – and then asking them to substitute the ketchup and mustard with lettuce and Big Mac sauce. Hey presto! An almost Big Mac at a fraction of the price. At the US chain Jack in the Box you are advised to eschew the $4 double bacon cheeseburger and instead order two of the $1 Junior bacon cheeseburgers and put them together. Are you following this? In this country we have our own options. Subway claims you can have everything any way you wish. Theoretically – it's only a thought experiment, thank God – that allows you to put together an egg and bacon Sub with cheese, olives and pickles and a honey mustard sauce. Which sounds less like lunch and more like an arrestable offence. Plus, however clever you think you're being, it's still a God awful, sugary-bunned Subway. No escaping that. At KFC you can have the pleasure of throwing their carefully regimented portion control out of whack by refusing drumsticks and insisting only on breast pieces. Of such small victories life is made. And then there's Burger King, which takes all the fun out of hacking by actually inviting you to screw with their menu. The fact is, though, that fast food hacking is mostly an American phenomenon, which is hardly surprising given that mucking with the menu goes on at all levels of the business from high to low. There, the menu is simply an opening negotiating position, with various dishes just waiting to be shifted to "the side" or off the plate altogether. You can try this in the UK but be aware that our less flexible chefs might decide to hack your meal quietly for themselves, and in their own special way. Here's a better idea: go somewhere that's serving stuff you know you actually want to eat. In Britain we are rather more refined about these things. Witness teenagers Cameron Ford and Adam Welland who, a few days ago, turned up at their local McDonald's in Kingston wearing collar and tie, spread the table with linen, candle-style lights, wine glasses and gold plates to eat off with real metal cutlery so they could enjoy their hamburger experience. They tweeted photographs, saying that they were indeed "lovin' it", despite some of the staff thinking that they were, as they say, mercilessly taking the piss. That, my friends, is how to hack a fast food experience. Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning. |