This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.

You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/sep/19/magda-goebbels-meike-ziervogel-not-booker

The article has changed 2 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.

Version 0 Version 1
Meike Ziervogel: 'I could only write about Magda Goebbels in English' Meike Ziervogel: 'I could only write about Magda Goebbels in English'
(5 days later)
My father was six when a soldier knocked on his door, and told his mother that they had an hour to pack and leave. All women and children would be evacuated. The Red Army was approaching fast.My father was six when a soldier knocked on his door, and told his mother that they had an hour to pack and leave. All women and children would be evacuated. The Red Army was approaching fast.
This was Stargard in Pomerania in the winter of 1945. My grandmother and her sons joined a huge column of people fleeing the ransacking Russians through ice and snow.This was Stargard in Pomerania in the winter of 1945. My grandmother and her sons joined a huge column of people fleeing the ransacking Russians through ice and snow.
But before they did, my grandmother cleaned their flat. After all, she was an efficient housewife and no one – not even an invading army – should have cause to doubt it. My father still remembers the smell of the burnt fields they crossed on their flight afterwards, and then a crowded train station where they heard that the war was over. My grandmother, with many others, decided to head back east, back home. Why not? They believed the nightmare was over; normal life could resume. That of course was a mistake. They headed straight into the arms of Russian soldiers. But my father only remembers that he was fast asleep in the loft of a barn.But before they did, my grandmother cleaned their flat. After all, she was an efficient housewife and no one – not even an invading army – should have cause to doubt it. My father still remembers the smell of the burnt fields they crossed on their flight afterwards, and then a crowded train station where they heard that the war was over. My grandmother, with many others, decided to head back east, back home. Why not? They believed the nightmare was over; normal life could resume. That of course was a mistake. They headed straight into the arms of Russian soldiers. But my father only remembers that he was fast asleep in the loft of a barn.
When my father recounts these memory snippets, he always shrugs his shoulders and laughs like a little boy, as if telling a joke that doesn't matter. As if these stories didn't signify the collapse of his childhood.When my father recounts these memory snippets, he always shrugs his shoulders and laughs like a little boy, as if telling a joke that doesn't matter. As if these stories didn't signify the collapse of his childhood.
My grandmother and her sons never made it back home. Instead they eventually found lodging in a camp for displaced people.My grandmother and her sons never made it back home. Instead they eventually found lodging in a camp for displaced people.
My parents belong to the generation of Germans who were born just before or during the war. My father was born in 1939 and my mother in February 1945. They were too young to learn a language that could address and hold the horrors they were experiencing and witnessing. And as they grew older, the devastation that their parents' generation had inflicted on others was so enormous that their own traumas had no right to find expression.My parents belong to the generation of Germans who were born just before or during the war. My father was born in 1939 and my mother in February 1945. They were too young to learn a language that could address and hold the horrors they were experiencing and witnessing. And as they grew older, the devastation that their parents' generation had inflicted on others was so enormous that their own traumas had no right to find expression.
My maternal grandfather joined the Nazi party to save his electrical shop. My mother's mother claimed she had never been interested in politics. On my father's side, my grandfather served as a logistics officer in the army. He was eventually released from Russian captivity in 1949 and was reunited with his family in the north of Germany through the Red Cross.My maternal grandfather joined the Nazi party to save his electrical shop. My mother's mother claimed she had never been interested in politics. On my father's side, my grandfather served as a logistics officer in the army. He was eventually released from Russian captivity in 1949 and was reunited with his family in the north of Germany through the Red Cross.
Like many German families, my grandparents never spoke about the war, but psychological traumas that aren't dealt with in one generation are simply passed on to the next.Like many German families, my grandparents never spoke about the war, but psychological traumas that aren't dealt with in one generation are simply passed on to the next.
"To clear away the psychological ruins, that is the task of the grandchildren," wrote the journalist Merle Hilbk in a recent essay in Der Spiegel. The grandchildren – that is my generation, and especially those born between 1960 and 1975. I was born in 1967. Our generation has now come of age. We have lived long enough to observe our emotions and realise that our fears are distorted and don't correspond to the present. We have enough psychological insight to comprehend that these feelings belong to our parents and grandparents. And for the first time there is a generation mature enough – and far enough removed from the actual events – to look for ways to express the inexpressible."To clear away the psychological ruins, that is the task of the grandchildren," wrote the journalist Merle Hilbk in a recent essay in Der Spiegel. The grandchildren – that is my generation, and especially those born between 1960 and 1975. I was born in 1967. Our generation has now come of age. We have lived long enough to observe our emotions and realise that our fears are distorted and don't correspond to the present. We have enough psychological insight to comprehend that these feelings belong to our parents and grandparents. And for the first time there is a generation mature enough – and far enough removed from the actual events – to look for ways to express the inexpressible.
By writing Magda, about the life and death of Magda Goebbels, I allowed myself to look at my own German history critically but with understanding. I wanted to access the mind of an intelligent woman who became a Nazi, in order to comprehend my own cultural background.By writing Magda, about the life and death of Magda Goebbels, I allowed myself to look at my own German history critically but with understanding. I wanted to access the mind of an intelligent woman who became a Nazi, in order to comprehend my own cultural background.
I went to the British Library and read books by Nazis, including Hitler's Mein Kampf. Then I looked at the literature that came a generation earlier and influenced Nazi thought, such as Houston Stewart Chamberlain's The Foundations of the Nineteenth Century. I also examined the highly romanticised language that the Nazis employed, and immersed myself in the work of 19th-century German philosophers such as Fichte and Nietzsche, and German Romantic writers including Tieck and Novalis.I went to the British Library and read books by Nazis, including Hitler's Mein Kampf. Then I looked at the literature that came a generation earlier and influenced Nazi thought, such as Houston Stewart Chamberlain's The Foundations of the Nineteenth Century. I also examined the highly romanticised language that the Nazis employed, and immersed myself in the work of 19th-century German philosophers such as Fichte and Nietzsche, and German Romantic writers including Tieck and Novalis.
However, when I finally sat down to write Magda, I tried to forget everything I had ever researched in order to access the subject emotionally. I was haunted by a recurring image: a long, pitch-dark shaft, at the top of which I was hovering. I knew that I had to get down there, deep inside myself, to access a historical truth.However, when I finally sat down to write Magda, I tried to forget everything I had ever researched in order to access the subject emotionally. I was haunted by a recurring image: a long, pitch-dark shaft, at the top of which I was hovering. I knew that I had to get down there, deep inside myself, to access a historical truth.
One of the most challenging parts to write was the scene in which Magda Goebbels kills her children. I depict the crime from the point of view of the eldest child, Helga. The scene came to me from that angle: it wasn't a deliberate choice. Only when I had completed the chapter did I understand why I had to write it in such a painful way. Helga symbolises my parents' generation. They were silenced as children and often deprived of the chance to grow beyond those early childhood experiences.One of the most challenging parts to write was the scene in which Magda Goebbels kills her children. I depict the crime from the point of view of the eldest child, Helga. The scene came to me from that angle: it wasn't a deliberate choice. Only when I had completed the chapter did I understand why I had to write it in such a painful way. Helga symbolises my parents' generation. They were silenced as children and often deprived of the chance to grow beyond those early childhood experiences.
Since the beginning of this century there has been an increasing interest in German trauma research, but we still have a long way to go. It doesn't surprise me that Magda has yet to find a German publisher. In my novel, she is portrayed as a human. For Germans she is a monster. Moreover, I portray maternal love as a destructive power. Since the 19th century, the figure of the mother in Germany has been an untouchable icon.Since the beginning of this century there has been an increasing interest in German trauma research, but we still have a long way to go. It doesn't surprise me that Magda has yet to find a German publisher. In my novel, she is portrayed as a human. For Germans she is a monster. Moreover, I portray maternal love as a destructive power. Since the 19th century, the figure of the mother in Germany has been an untouchable icon.
Even I, a German living in the 21st century, could only write this story in English. In the first draft, some scenes were written in my first language, but they took the form of a stream of consciousness. Transferring them into English helped me gain the necessary distance to tackle a very sensitive subject.Even I, a German living in the 21st century, could only write this story in English. In the first draft, some scenes were written in my first language, but they took the form of a stream of consciousness. Transferring them into English helped me gain the necessary distance to tackle a very sensitive subject.
My father has another memory. As they walked for days on end, he used to worry that "my little legs are too tired to carry me any further". When my son turned six a few years ago, I often thought about my father and his "little legs", and how lucky my son is that he didn't need to experience what his grandfather went through.My father has another memory. As they walked for days on end, he used to worry that "my little legs are too tired to carry me any further". When my son turned six a few years ago, I often thought about my father and his "little legs", and how lucky my son is that he didn't need to experience what his grandfather went through.
• Meike Ziervogel will be discussing Nazi women with Jane Thynne as part of the London Lit Weekend at Kings Place on Sunday, 6 October 2013 at 5pm (www.kingsplace.co.uk).
Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning.Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning.