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| Lib Dem conference: why is Vince Cable stalking me? | Lib Dem conference: why is Vince Cable stalking me? |
| (about 17 hours later) | |
| The first thing the initiate notices on entering the Liberal Democrats' Monday-morning economics debate (policy motion F19: Strengthening the UK Economy) is the pair of traffic lights flanking the stage. They're there to govern the length of speeches – they go amber after a while, as a warning – but they're pointed toward the audience, which turns it into a bit of a game: will they beat the lights? Presumably speakers also have some means of knowing their time is almost up, but a surprising number still stray into the red. Final words honed to encapsulate, draw applause or incite laughter are ruined by the chair's unceremonious interruption: "Could you draw your remarks to a close, please." | The first thing the initiate notices on entering the Liberal Democrats' Monday-morning economics debate (policy motion F19: Strengthening the UK Economy) is the pair of traffic lights flanking the stage. They're there to govern the length of speeches – they go amber after a while, as a warning – but they're pointed toward the audience, which turns it into a bit of a game: will they beat the lights? Presumably speakers also have some means of knowing their time is almost up, but a surprising number still stray into the red. Final words honed to encapsulate, draw applause or incite laughter are ruined by the chair's unceremonious interruption: "Could you draw your remarks to a close, please." |
| This is supposed to be an exciting moment – they're debating a motion supporting the government's fiscal mandate; essentially they want to own the recovery - and the word is that Vince Cable isn't turning up to support the leadership. But the arguments seem abstruse and procedural. They're presently debating whether or not to include lines one through four of amendment one; lines which themselves call for the deletion of lines 53 through 55 of the motion proper. As exhortations to the rank and file go, "I urge you to remove the first four lines of the first amendment, and the last four of the second," is not the most inspiring. | This is supposed to be an exciting moment – they're debating a motion supporting the government's fiscal mandate; essentially they want to own the recovery - and the word is that Vince Cable isn't turning up to support the leadership. But the arguments seem abstruse and procedural. They're presently debating whether or not to include lines one through four of amendment one; lines which themselves call for the deletion of lines 53 through 55 of the motion proper. As exhortations to the rank and file go, "I urge you to remove the first four lines of the first amendment, and the last four of the second," is not the most inspiring. |
| Naomi Smith, co-chair of the Social Liberal Forum, speaks up for both amendments. Tim Farron, president of the party, urges Lib Dems not to get the jitters and hand credit for the recovery to George Osborne. He gets the loudest applause of the debate so far, but it's hard to compare it with anything because the room has been filling up steadily. | Naomi Smith, co-chair of the Social Liberal Forum, speaks up for both amendments. Tim Farron, president of the party, urges Lib Dems not to get the jitters and hand credit for the recovery to George Osborne. He gets the loudest applause of the debate so far, but it's hard to compare it with anything because the room has been filling up steadily. |
| Delegates are then called to the "intervention mic" set up to one side of the hall, for a series of one-minute speeches. Linda Jack, chair of Liberal Left, is the first person to speak unequivocally. "If we're not going to distinguish ourselves from the Tories," she says, "then the question 'What are the Liberal Democrats for?'" is a valid one. But her passionate speech ends abruptly: when your minute's up on the intervention mic, they turn it off. | Delegates are then called to the "intervention mic" set up to one side of the hall, for a series of one-minute speeches. Linda Jack, chair of Liberal Left, is the first person to speak unequivocally. "If we're not going to distinguish ourselves from the Tories," she says, "then the question 'What are the Liberal Democrats for?'" is a valid one. But her passionate speech ends abruptly: when your minute's up on the intervention mic, they turn it off. |
| Suddenly Cable, the man they said wouldn't turn up, turns up. Cameras flock to him, and bathe him in a harsh bubble of light that follows him while he looks for a seat and stays with him after he sits down. It's going to make it very hard for him to concentrate, I think. | Suddenly Cable, the man they said wouldn't turn up, turns up. Cameras flock to him, and bathe him in a harsh bubble of light that follows him while he looks for a seat and stays with him after he sits down. It's going to make it very hard for him to concentrate, I think. |
| The chair says: "I now call Nick Clegg from Sheffield." The deputy prime minister takes the stage. "This motion is about what we can do now," he says. He tells the delegates to "be careful what you wish for". As he speaks, the light goes amber, then red. "Can you draw your remarks to a close please," the chair says. Everybody laughs. It's a sign that the leader plays by the same rules as everyone else; you can't accuse him of stage management, unless his straying into the red was stage-managed. | The chair says: "I now call Nick Clegg from Sheffield." The deputy prime minister takes the stage. "This motion is about what we can do now," he says. He tells the delegates to "be careful what you wish for". As he speaks, the light goes amber, then red. "Can you draw your remarks to a close please," the chair says. Everybody laughs. It's a sign that the leader plays by the same rules as everyone else; you can't accuse him of stage management, unless his straying into the red was stage-managed. |
| The leadership wins the vote: lines one to four deleting lines 53 to 55 are themselves deleted. A guy coming out of the auditorium behind me sums up the debate as "good humoured, well mannered and ill-informed". | The leadership wins the vote: lines one to four deleting lines 53 to 55 are themselves deleted. A guy coming out of the auditorium behind me sums up the debate as "good humoured, well mannered and ill-informed". |
| Here's another thing the initiate (all right, it's me – I've never been to a party conference before) notices: the Lib Dems are a small party. You seem the same faces again and again, on the stage, in the hall, queuing for coffee. Paddy Ashdown is having a quiet chat on a forlorn balcony over a shopping mall. Charles Kennedy is walking out of the debate on the bedroom tax saying: "Well, that was very satisfactory." Everyone knows everyone, and if you're not a Lib Dem, it can be a little lonely. | Here's another thing the initiate (all right, it's me – I've never been to a party conference before) notices: the Lib Dems are a small party. You seem the same faces again and again, on the stage, in the hall, queuing for coffee. Paddy Ashdown is having a quiet chat on a forlorn balcony over a shopping mall. Charles Kennedy is walking out of the debate on the bedroom tax saying: "Well, that was very satisfactory." Everyone knows everyone, and if you're not a Lib Dem, it can be a little lonely. |
| And here's another thing: Vince Cable, the man who wasn't meant to be somewhere, is everywhere. After the vote he's in the lobby, talking on camera. He makes his big speech just before lunch, defending the party's role in the coalition. "Without us in government," he says, "we would now be ruled by people who think that the problem with this country is that workers have too much job security." Just after lunch he speaks again, at a debate on tax. The conference directory lists him as speaking at no fewer than four separate fringe events that evening. He's inescapable. | And here's another thing: Vince Cable, the man who wasn't meant to be somewhere, is everywhere. After the vote he's in the lobby, talking on camera. He makes his big speech just before lunch, defending the party's role in the coalition. "Without us in government," he says, "we would now be ruled by people who think that the problem with this country is that workers have too much job security." Just after lunch he speaks again, at a debate on tax. The conference directory lists him as speaking at no fewer than four separate fringe events that evening. He's inescapable. |
| The Clyde auditorium is linked to the Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre (SECC) and the Crowne Plaza Hotel by a series of narrow labyrinthine corridors, which are poorly signed and offer ample opportunity to get lost. To solve the problem, they've posted a steward at every potential wrong turn. It takes four of them to get me to the exhibition hall, where all the charities and pressure groups put up their booths. | The Clyde auditorium is linked to the Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre (SECC) and the Crowne Plaza Hotel by a series of narrow labyrinthine corridors, which are poorly signed and offer ample opportunity to get lost. To solve the problem, they've posted a steward at every potential wrong turn. It takes four of them to get me to the exhibition hall, where all the charities and pressure groups put up their booths. |
| The Countryside Alliance is here; so are Guide Dogs, the Falkland Islands government, Royal Mail and CND. At the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health (IOSH), they've set up a giant game of Operation. I win a box of mints packaged up to look like prescription tablets, which, oddly, strikes me as something IOSH might want to campaign against. Sweeties that look like medicine? What could possibly go wrong? | The Countryside Alliance is here; so are Guide Dogs, the Falkland Islands government, Royal Mail and CND. At the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health (IOSH), they've set up a giant game of Operation. I win a box of mints packaged up to look like prescription tablets, which, oddly, strikes me as something IOSH might want to campaign against. Sweeties that look like medicine? What could possibly go wrong? |
| A group called the Tobacco Retailers' Alliance has set up a booth that looks like a shop selling fags. Its representative tells me it is campaigning against tobacco smuggling. "It's the same people who are carrying out drug smuggling," he says. It's also pretty clear they're against plain cigarette packaging, which the Lib Dems are calling for in an emergency motion. It's true, he says, but only because it would increase smuggling. "If you only have one design to copy," he says. "It makes it that much easier for smugglers." | A group called the Tobacco Retailers' Alliance has set up a booth that looks like a shop selling fags. Its representative tells me it is campaigning against tobacco smuggling. "It's the same people who are carrying out drug smuggling," he says. It's also pretty clear they're against plain cigarette packaging, which the Lib Dems are calling for in an emergency motion. It's true, he says, but only because it would increase smuggling. "If you only have one design to copy," he says. "It makes it that much easier for smugglers." |
| At the BBC booth they're showing silent clips of Sherlock Holmes. In the middle of the booth Cable is seated at a desk, with headphones on, in front of a Dalek. He's giving a radio interview, but he looks like part of the exhibit. | At the BBC booth they're showing silent clips of Sherlock Holmes. In the middle of the booth Cable is seated at a desk, with headphones on, in front of a Dalek. He's giving a radio interview, but he looks like part of the exhibit. |
| On a TV screen on the booth's outside wall, a tieless Clegg is doing a Q&A with delegates. I recognise Linda Jack – the woman from the intervention mic – when she stands to ask a question. "I'm wondering if there's still a place in this party for me," she says. "To be honest it's only the glee club that keeps me here." | On a TV screen on the booth's outside wall, a tieless Clegg is doing a Q&A with delegates. I recognise Linda Jack – the woman from the intervention mic – when she stands to ask a question. "I'm wondering if there's still a place in this party for me," she says. "To be honest it's only the glee club that keeps me here." |
| On the way back to the auditorium, Cable comes sweeping up behind me in the corridor. I pose for a picture with him, thinking it will stop him following me everywhere. | On the way back to the auditorium, Cable comes sweeping up behind me in the corridor. I pose for a picture with him, thinking it will stop him following me everywhere. |
| During the tax debate I drift off briefly, only waking when someone behind me shouts, "Rubbish!" Afterward I find Linda Jack, who tells me she has a bit of history taunting Clegg at Q&As. As an early Clegg supporter who once proclaimed that she'd trust him with both her life and her party, she stood up two years ago and said: "I still think I could trust you with my life; can I still trust you with my party?" | During the tax debate I drift off briefly, only waking when someone behind me shouts, "Rubbish!" Afterward I find Linda Jack, who tells me she has a bit of history taunting Clegg at Q&As. As an early Clegg supporter who once proclaimed that she'd trust him with both her life and her party, she stood up two years ago and said: "I still think I could trust you with my life; can I still trust you with my party?" |
| Is she really worried there's no place for her in the party? "This is my spiritual home, politically," she says. "But then when I see what's happened to the party, there's no way we're living up to those values. That is what really hurts me." | Is she really worried there's no place for her in the party? "This is my spiritual home, politically," she says. "But then when I see what's happened to the party, there's no way we're living up to those values. That is what really hurts me." |
| Shouldn't the leadership take credit for its successes in government? "If I went to the doctor and he mended my broken leg," she says. "And he told me what a beautiful job he'd done mending it, without telling me he'd cut the other one off in the process …" | Shouldn't the leadership take credit for its successes in government? "If I went to the doctor and he mended my broken leg," she says. "And he told me what a beautiful job he'd done mending it, without telling me he'd cut the other one off in the process …" |
| (Here's one more thing I've learned: Lib Dems love tortuous analogies. Paul Coleshill compared Trident to a clapped-out sports car inherited by a middle-aged man of failing prowess. Another debate speaker launched a simile about a broken-legged camel that was cruelly cut off by the red light.) | (Here's one more thing I've learned: Lib Dems love tortuous analogies. Paul Coleshill compared Trident to a clapped-out sports car inherited by a middle-aged man of failing prowess. Another debate speaker launched a simile about a broken-legged camel that was cruelly cut off by the red light.) |
| As we talk lots of people stop to say hello to Jack, to put up a thumb, to say well done. "Keep the faith," says one. "We need people like you to keep pushing. There's more of you around than you think there are." | As we talk lots of people stop to say hello to Jack, to put up a thumb, to say well done. "Keep the faith," says one. "We need people like you to keep pushing. There's more of you around than you think there are." |
| Jack says the party is losing good people on the left, fed up with the leadership's constant compromises on core values. "Today has been a real disappointment," she says. "All the way along, from Vince voting against those deleted lines …" | Jack says the party is losing good people on the left, fed up with the leadership's constant compromises on core values. "Today has been a real disappointment," she says. "All the way along, from Vince voting against those deleted lines …" |
| He wasn't even supposed to come, I say. "He wasn't gonna come and then he suddenly turns up," she says. "I tweeted earlier on that I wondered if somebody'd kidnapped his cat." | He wasn't even supposed to come, I say. "He wasn't gonna come and then he suddenly turns up," she says. "I tweeted earlier on that I wondered if somebody'd kidnapped his cat." |
| I tell her my theory: I think there are two Vince Cables. | I tell her my theory: I think there are two Vince Cables. |
| Party president Tim Farron does not subscribe to the portrait of the Lib Dems as a divided party, drifting ever rightward and losing good people on the left." | Party president Tim Farron does not subscribe to the portrait of the Lib Dems as a divided party, drifting ever rightward and losing good people on the left." |
| "I don't buy that," he tells me. "If you're in government you've got to compromise with reality. There were some people who just couldn't tolerate the very notion of being in the same room as the Conservatives. I think there are others who found the notion of us being in power at all as something they couldn't stomach." | "I don't buy that," he tells me. "If you're in government you've got to compromise with reality. There were some people who just couldn't tolerate the very notion of being in the same room as the Conservatives. I think there are others who found the notion of us being in power at all as something they couldn't stomach." |
| That evening I get back to my hotel room just as Newsnight begins. Cable is on, facing an audience of activists who all seem familiar to me. Jack raises her hand and tells Cable she thought somebody must have kidnapped his cat. | That evening I get back to my hotel room just as Newsnight begins. Cable is on, facing an audience of activists who all seem familiar to me. Jack raises her hand and tells Cable she thought somebody must have kidnapped his cat. |
| The next day Vince Cable again comes up behind me as I am walking. I slow to let him pass, and eventually he turns off down a corridor, but after I descended the stairs to the exhibition hall, he somehow materialises behind me from a hidden door. I do a circle of the exhibits and double back in order to lose him. | The next day Vince Cable again comes up behind me as I am walking. I slow to let him pass, and eventually he turns off down a corridor, but after I descended the stairs to the exhibition hall, he somehow materialises behind me from a hidden door. I do a circle of the exhibits and double back in order to lose him. |
| Later, at lunchtime, I decide to test my theory about the two Cables, sneaking into one and then the other of two fringe talks he's scheduled to be attending simultaneously. He's not at the first, but he is at the second, something to do with the UK music industry. I don't hang around; the refreshments have already been decimated. | Later, at lunchtime, I decide to test my theory about the two Cables, sneaking into one and then the other of two fringe talks he's scheduled to be attending simultaneously. He's not at the first, but he is at the second, something to do with the UK music industry. I don't hang around; the refreshments have already been decimated. |
| In the afternoon, there's a big debate about Trident. Activists have proposed an amendment asking for language about reducing Britain's nuclear capacity to be replaced with a commitment to all but eliminate it. As always a lot of time is taken up with Lib Dems – not without cause – congratulating themselves for being willing to debate. Having never been before I can't tell whether the debate is more fractious than usual, because of the years of coalition, and the looming election, because the leadership wants its way at any cost. | In the afternoon, there's a big debate about Trident. Activists have proposed an amendment asking for language about reducing Britain's nuclear capacity to be replaced with a commitment to all but eliminate it. As always a lot of time is taken up with Lib Dems – not without cause – congratulating themselves for being willing to debate. Having never been before I can't tell whether the debate is more fractious than usual, because of the years of coalition, and the looming election, because the leadership wants its way at any cost. |
| "I just think the issues are a bit more meaty," Farron tells me. "Trident and taxation and issues to do with energy supply. These are really massive issues and there's no way of the leadership fixing it. The leadership can never guarantee an outcome on any vote, ever." | |
| They try, though, don't they? | They try, though, don't they? |
| "They try to encourage people to go and vote a certain way," he says. "I always assume when I get a phone call at two o'clock in the morning before a vote saying please, please please will I speak at the debate, that it might be too close to call. I think you can only use me once a conference for that." | "They try to encourage people to go and vote a certain way," he says. "I always assume when I get a phone call at two o'clock in the morning before a vote saying please, please please will I speak at the debate, that it might be too close to call. I think you can only use me once a conference for that." |
| The Trident vote is too close to call by a show of voting cards. They have to send stewards into the aisles to count them all. The result – 322 against the amendment, 228 for – is a victory for the leadership. | The Trident vote is too close to call by a show of voting cards. They have to send stewards into the aisles to count them all. The result – 322 against the amendment, 228 for – is a victory for the leadership. |
| On the final morning of the conference Jack speaks in favour of her amendment to the motion on "manifesto themes", stressing the party's commitment to core values and its constitution. "If I'm a vegan and I'm choosing a new suite with my partner," she says. "I might compromise on the fabric and colour, but I certainly won't compromise on the material." | On the final morning of the conference Jack speaks in favour of her amendment to the motion on "manifesto themes", stressing the party's commitment to core values and its constitution. "If I'm a vegan and I'm choosing a new suite with my partner," she says. "I might compromise on the fabric and colour, but I certainly won't compromise on the material." |
| The conference is basically over by the time Clegg's speech starts: delegates have checked out of hotels, and Clegg's words have been made available to journalists. | |
| In answer to Jack's question, "What are the Liberal Democrats for?" Clegg seems to have an answer: "Our mission," he says, "is to anchor Britain to the centre ground." | In answer to Jack's question, "What are the Liberal Democrats for?" Clegg seems to have an answer: "Our mission," he says, "is to anchor Britain to the centre ground." |
| Jack would say he needs to make sure he brings the party with him on that mission. "A good leader," she told me, "would seek ways to reconcile and think about how we can deal with things in a way that keeps everybody together – a bit like what a coalition is supposed to do, isn't it?" | |
| I decide to leave the Lib Dems to it, and walk across the windswept construction site outside the conference centre back toward my hotel, looking back over my shoulder to make sure Vince Cable isn't behind me. | |
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