This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/sep/14/grandmothers-secret-marriage-american-soldier
The article has changed 3 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| My grandmother's secret marriage to an American GI | My grandmother's secret marriage to an American GI |
| (about 4 hours later) | |
| When I was growing up, the man I called Grandpa was my grandmother's husband, Patrick. He was the one who let me and my sister ride on his shoulders, and whose enormous walking socks served as stockings at the ends of our beds on Christmas Eve. But over time, I became aware that there had been another, shadowy grandfather before him. | When I was growing up, the man I called Grandpa was my grandmother's husband, Patrick. He was the one who let me and my sister ride on his shoulders, and whose enormous walking socks served as stockings at the ends of our beds on Christmas Eve. But over time, I became aware that there had been another, shadowy grandfather before him. |
| There were no pictures of this man in my grandmother's albums, but there were grainy black-and-white photographs of mysterious American "cousins". The unspoken rule in the family, however, was that my grandmother's first marriage should not be mentioned, and she was happy to let people think that Patrick was her daughters' father.Once Patrick was gone and she was nearing the end of her own life, my grandmother began to break the rule. Now, when we pored over her prized photograph albums, the narrative would slide between the neatly arranged pictures on the page to reveal the past lurking behind. | There were no pictures of this man in my grandmother's albums, but there were grainy black-and-white photographs of mysterious American "cousins". The unspoken rule in the family, however, was that my grandmother's first marriage should not be mentioned, and she was happy to let people think that Patrick was her daughters' father.Once Patrick was gone and she was nearing the end of her own life, my grandmother began to break the rule. Now, when we pored over her prized photograph albums, the narrative would slide between the neatly arranged pictures on the page to reveal the past lurking behind. |
| My biological grandfather, who had died long before I was born, was Lawrence Rambo, an American. She had met him in London during the war when they were both working at the US army headquarters. Having just been "thrown over" by a young lieutenant, she began to date Lawrence in the hope it would make her ex-lover jealous. The plan backfired when she discovered she was pregnant, and did what all respectable girls did in those days – got married. | My biological grandfather, who had died long before I was born, was Lawrence Rambo, an American. She had met him in London during the war when they were both working at the US army headquarters. Having just been "thrown over" by a young lieutenant, she began to date Lawrence in the hope it would make her ex-lover jealous. The plan backfired when she discovered she was pregnant, and did what all respectable girls did in those days – got married. |
| Unfortunately, respectability wasn't Lawrence's strong suit. He turned out to be an alcoholic and, worse, was thrown out of the army for bad debts. Before the Americans had even crossed the Channel on D-day, my grandmother – pregnant again – was following him to the US on an army ship, dodging U-boats on the way. | Unfortunately, respectability wasn't Lawrence's strong suit. He turned out to be an alcoholic and, worse, was thrown out of the army for bad debts. Before the Americans had even crossed the Channel on D-day, my grandmother – pregnant again – was following him to the US on an army ship, dodging U-boats on the way. |
| Back in rural Georgia, his drinking escalated and he became violent. My grandmother – pregnant for a third time with my mother – fled home. | Back in rural Georgia, his drinking escalated and he became violent. My grandmother – pregnant for a third time with my mother – fled home. |
| I was shocked by what I heard. My grandmother had always seemed a strong person – even when multiple sclerosis had confined her to a wheelchair, and after both her daughters – my aunts Maeve and Rosamund – had died, she had carried on stoically without a hint of self-pity. Now I realised that her inner strength had been forged decades earlier. | I was shocked by what I heard. My grandmother had always seemed a strong person – even when multiple sclerosis had confined her to a wheelchair, and after both her daughters – my aunts Maeve and Rosamund – had died, she had carried on stoically without a hint of self-pity. Now I realised that her inner strength had been forged decades earlier. |
| Listening to my grandmother's words, I was full of anger towards Lawrence Rambo. He seemed so utterly different from my loving and respectable adoptive grandfather, and I wished more than anything that Patrick had been my blood relative, not him. | Listening to my grandmother's words, I was full of anger towards Lawrence Rambo. He seemed so utterly different from my loving and respectable adoptive grandfather, and I wished more than anything that Patrick had been my blood relative, not him. |
| Telling me had freed my grandmother, however. "I'm an old woman now – I don't care what anyone thinks," she declared. She was diagnosed with cancer not long afterwards, and on her deathbed I found myself promising to write her story. | Telling me had freed my grandmother, however. "I'm an old woman now – I don't care what anyone thinks," she declared. She was diagnosed with cancer not long afterwards, and on her deathbed I found myself promising to write her story. |
| Six months later, I was on a plane to America, heading for an annual gathering of war brides living in the US. I had discovered that my grandmother was one of 70,000 British GI brides who had crossed the Atlantic for men they had met during the war, and I wanted to know how their experiences compared with hers. | Six months later, I was on a plane to America, heading for an annual gathering of war brides living in the US. I had discovered that my grandmother was one of 70,000 British GI brides who had crossed the Atlantic for men they had met during the war, and I wanted to know how their experiences compared with hers. |
| My conversations with other brides revealed that my grandmother had not been alone in finding her soldier less heroic out of uniform – one woman had discovered that her husband was a well-known womaniser in his home town, while another said the man of her dreams had turned out to be an inveterate gambler. While most of the marriages had ultimately worked out, all the women had struggled to adjust to life in a new country. | My conversations with other brides revealed that my grandmother had not been alone in finding her soldier less heroic out of uniform – one woman had discovered that her husband was a well-known womaniser in his home town, while another said the man of her dreams had turned out to be an inveterate gambler. While most of the marriages had ultimately worked out, all the women had struggled to adjust to life in a new country. |
| As I listened to them talking about their husbands, all of whom were now long gone, I found myself wanting to find out more about my own elusive grandfather and why he had behaved so badly. With few relatives left in Britain, I also felt an urge to connect with my American family from those grainy photographs in my grandmother's albums. | As I listened to them talking about their husbands, all of whom were now long gone, I found myself wanting to find out more about my own elusive grandfather and why he had behaved so badly. With few relatives left in Britain, I also felt an urge to connect with my American family from those grainy photographs in my grandmother's albums. |
| With a bit of research, I discovered that Lawrence was survived by a sister, Judy, now 94 and living in Florida. Nervously, I dialled the number, and her daughter Betsy answered. To my surprise, she knew exactly who I was and invited me to visit. The door was opened by a beautiful elderly woman with white-blond hair. "Your grandmother was such a lovely lady," Judy said, taking my hand. "I am so sorry for what happened to her." | With a bit of research, I discovered that Lawrence was survived by a sister, Judy, now 94 and living in Florida. Nervously, I dialled the number, and her daughter Betsy answered. To my surprise, she knew exactly who I was and invited me to visit. The door was opened by a beautiful elderly woman with white-blond hair. "Your grandmother was such a lovely lady," Judy said, taking my hand. "I am so sorry for what happened to her." |
| I was taken aback that she still felt bad about what her brother had done, all those years ago. Judy and her children welcomed me warmly into their family, pressing me to stay at their homes, and couldn't understand why I chose to stay in a motel. But I felt awkward – I didn't know how much they knew about my grandfather's misdeeds. When I mentioned him being thrown out of the army, they said they thought he had resigned over a row with a superior officer. But they were under no illusions about his alcoholism. "Downstairs is Uncle Lawrence's room," one of them said wryly, referring to the basement, which Lawrence would periodically inhabit when he hit rock bottom. Sometimes, they said, the only way to get him to dry out was to straitjacket him in an asylum. | I was taken aback that she still felt bad about what her brother had done, all those years ago. Judy and her children welcomed me warmly into their family, pressing me to stay at their homes, and couldn't understand why I chose to stay in a motel. But I felt awkward – I didn't know how much they knew about my grandfather's misdeeds. When I mentioned him being thrown out of the army, they said they thought he had resigned over a row with a superior officer. But they were under no illusions about his alcoholism. "Downstairs is Uncle Lawrence's room," one of them said wryly, referring to the basement, which Lawrence would periodically inhabit when he hit rock bottom. Sometimes, they said, the only way to get him to dry out was to straitjacket him in an asylum. |
| I heard how, later in life, he had stumbled drunkenly in front of a car, shattering his legs, leading to a period in a nursing home – where, confined to a wheelchair, he had still tried to smuggle in alcohol under his blanket. He died a miserable death in 1974, falling off a boat and drowning in the Florida mud. Lawrence Rambo was beginning to sound like a hopelessly ill person, instead of a monster. The family had other stories, too. Judy recalled living with him in Washington when she was secretary to a senator, and how he stayed up all night helping her with letters to constituents. "That's how kind my brother was," she said. | I heard how, later in life, he had stumbled drunkenly in front of a car, shattering his legs, leading to a period in a nursing home – where, confined to a wheelchair, he had still tried to smuggle in alcohol under his blanket. He died a miserable death in 1974, falling off a boat and drowning in the Florida mud. Lawrence Rambo was beginning to sound like a hopelessly ill person, instead of a monster. The family had other stories, too. Judy recalled living with him in Washington when she was secretary to a senator, and how he stayed up all night helping her with letters to constituents. "That's how kind my brother was," she said. |
| One of her sons showed me the amazing waterfront house my grandfather had designed for himself in the 1950s. When he wasn't drinking, Lawrence had been a sought-after PR man and spin doctor, and had launched several successful magazines – before the business collapsed and he hit the bottle again. Everyone said what a brilliant mind he had and how charismatic he had been – traits that made them forgive the other sides of his character. | One of her sons showed me the amazing waterfront house my grandfather had designed for himself in the 1950s. When he wasn't drinking, Lawrence had been a sought-after PR man and spin doctor, and had launched several successful magazines – before the business collapsed and he hit the bottle again. Everyone said what a brilliant mind he had and how charismatic he had been – traits that made them forgive the other sides of his character. |
| After my grandparents divorced, Lawrence had remarried, albeit unsuccessfully. Betsy offered to put me in touch with his son, Lawrence Rambo Jr, who lived an hour's drive down the coast. Having lost both my aunts, I was keen to meet this new uncle. He was quite a raconteur, something I understood he had inherited from his father, and kept me entertained all evening with tall tales. He had a wild laugh that I had been told was also just like his father's, and as I sat listening to him, I realised this was the closest I would come to being in my late grandfather's company. | After my grandparents divorced, Lawrence had remarried, albeit unsuccessfully. Betsy offered to put me in touch with his son, Lawrence Rambo Jr, who lived an hour's drive down the coast. Having lost both my aunts, I was keen to meet this new uncle. He was quite a raconteur, something I understood he had inherited from his father, and kept me entertained all evening with tall tales. He had a wild laugh that I had been told was also just like his father's, and as I sat listening to him, I realised this was the closest I would come to being in my late grandfather's company. |
| Lawrence showed me the first picture I had ever seen of my grandfather and I felt that I recognised him at once. He was very young, with dark hair and eyes that matched his son's and my own. "I can tell you're a Rambo," my uncle said. | Lawrence showed me the first picture I had ever seen of my grandfather and I felt that I recognised him at once. He was very young, with dark hair and eyes that matched his son's and my own. "I can tell you're a Rambo," my uncle said. |
| I discovered that we shared other genetic traits. Lawrence Jr had been a rock musician, and his sister, who lived in California, was a journalist. On the other side of the Atlantic, my sister Anna and I had followed the same careers without knowing it. Did the two of us have more in common with our biological grandfather than we did our adoptive one? | I discovered that we shared other genetic traits. Lawrence Jr had been a rock musician, and his sister, who lived in California, was a journalist. On the other side of the Atlantic, my sister Anna and I had followed the same careers without knowing it. Did the two of us have more in common with our biological grandfather than we did our adoptive one? |
| Lawrence talked about the stories his father would invent for him as a child and the crazy, exciting things he would let his children do (including making their own explosives, one of which set fire to a hotel carpet). I realised that my grandfather could be pretty good fun – as long as you were a kid, not his wife. | Lawrence talked about the stories his father would invent for him as a child and the crazy, exciting things he would let his children do (including making their own explosives, one of which set fire to a hotel carpet). I realised that my grandfather could be pretty good fun – as long as you were a kid, not his wife. |
| In this respect, he sounded uncannily similar to my aunt Maeve – Lawrence's daughter– who had given my sister and me free rein to boil up noxious potions in her kitchen, and even to trash her house if we felt like it. Like Lawrence, her life was destroyed by alcoholism, but now I saw they had had much more in common – even though she had been too young when her parents separated to remember him. I had thought I didn't know this elusive grandfather, but it seemed as if I had grown up with more of him than I realised. | In this respect, he sounded uncannily similar to my aunt Maeve – Lawrence's daughter– who had given my sister and me free rein to boil up noxious potions in her kitchen, and even to trash her house if we felt like it. Like Lawrence, her life was destroyed by alcoholism, but now I saw they had had much more in common – even though she had been too young when her parents separated to remember him. I had thought I didn't know this elusive grandfather, but it seemed as if I had grown up with more of him than I realised. |
| I was finding it harder to hate him now that he reminded me of someone I loved. But I wanted to know what had made him the man he was. I drove to Georgia to find the tiny rural town of Arlington, where my grandmother and Lawrence had lived. In Arlington, I traced the widow of one of those mysterious cousins from my grandmother's photo albums. She took me to the cemetery, where I found myself surrounded by the graves of countless ancestors. This was where I came from, I realised – my DNA was in the soil. | I was finding it harder to hate him now that he reminded me of someone I loved. But I wanted to know what had made him the man he was. I drove to Georgia to find the tiny rural town of Arlington, where my grandmother and Lawrence had lived. In Arlington, I traced the widow of one of those mysterious cousins from my grandmother's photo albums. She took me to the cemetery, where I found myself surrounded by the graves of countless ancestors. This was where I came from, I realised – my DNA was in the soil. |
| I learned that my grandfather's parents had been plantation-owners, and his father a county court judge who had died when he was seven. I visited his old university, from which he had been thrown out (for riding down the street naked on an elephant, although, as with many Rambo stories, I couldn't know for sure if this were true). In the library, I found articles he had written for the local newspaper. Before America had entered the war, he had enlisted in the Canadian army and sent back missives about his exploits. For the first time, I heard the voice of this man, who until now I had only heard talked about in the third person. I was struck by his wit and sense of adventure, and realised I felt quite proud of him. | I learned that my grandfather's parents had been plantation-owners, and his father a county court judge who had died when he was seven. I visited his old university, from which he had been thrown out (for riding down the street naked on an elephant, although, as with many Rambo stories, I couldn't know for sure if this were true). In the library, I found articles he had written for the local newspaper. Before America had entered the war, he had enlisted in the Canadian army and sent back missives about his exploits. For the first time, I heard the voice of this man, who until now I had only heard talked about in the third person. I was struck by his wit and sense of adventure, and realised I felt quite proud of him. |
| But the US army archives in Missouri revealed something less laudable. Declassified documents showed that my grandmother's claim that Lawrence had been thrown out of the army for bad debts was not only true, but also an understatement. In fact, he had defrauded the Red Cross a dozen times, writing cheques in return for cash at its servicemen's clubs, knowing he had no money in the bank. | But the US army archives in Missouri revealed something less laudable. Declassified documents showed that my grandmother's claim that Lawrence had been thrown out of the army for bad debts was not only true, but also an understatement. In fact, he had defrauded the Red Cross a dozen times, writing cheques in return for cash at its servicemen's clubs, knowing he had no money in the bank. |
| Among the court martial documents was a psychiatric report with a chilling diagnosis: "Constitutional psychopathic state, inadequate personality manifested by emotional immaturity, excessive indulgence in alcohol and defective judgement." | Among the court martial documents was a psychiatric report with a chilling diagnosis: "Constitutional psychopathic state, inadequate personality manifested by emotional immaturity, excessive indulgence in alcohol and defective judgement." |
| When I had set out to discover my grandfather, I had known he was a rogue, but had never expected anything as troubling as this. What if I had children and it turned out that the alcoholism – or worse, the psychopathic behaviour – had only skipped a generation or two? | When I had set out to discover my grandfather, I had known he was a rogue, but had never expected anything as troubling as this. What if I had children and it turned out that the alcoholism – or worse, the psychopathic behaviour – had only skipped a generation or two? |
| Back in England, my mother wanted to know what I'd found out about her father. Showing her the court martial documents proved particularly difficult. What I told her only made her dislike him more and, to my surprise, I found myself trying to convince her of the positive aspects of his personality that my cousins had told me about, and to convey how much they had loved him despite his flaws. | Back in England, my mother wanted to know what I'd found out about her father. Showing her the court martial documents proved particularly difficult. What I told her only made her dislike him more and, to my surprise, I found myself trying to convince her of the positive aspects of his personality that my cousins had told me about, and to convey how much they had loved him despite his flaws. |
| I, too, was troubled, by the realisation that my sister, aunt and I had things in common with Lawrence – a man with such evident personality defects. Part of me still wished I was related to our adoptive grandfather instead, but would we really have wanted to miss out on the creative Rambo genes? | I, too, was troubled, by the realisation that my sister, aunt and I had things in common with Lawrence – a man with such evident personality defects. Part of me still wished I was related to our adoptive grandfather instead, but would we really have wanted to miss out on the creative Rambo genes? |
| Either way, thanks to my elusive grandfather, I had now discovered a whole new American family. The photo album I am now making is full of cousins, but they are not mysterious any more. | Either way, thanks to my elusive grandfather, I had now discovered a whole new American family. The photo album I am now making is full of cousins, but they are not mysterious any more. |
| • More information at gibrides.com | • More information at gibrides.com |
| Operation War Bride | Operation War Bride |
| The "friendly invasion" of US servicemen in the second world war had a profound effect on life in Britain. For young women who had endured three years of war and rationing, the GIs offered romance, glamour, luxurious gifts such as nylons and perfume and, ultimately, the possibility of a new life in America. | The "friendly invasion" of US servicemen in the second world war had a profound effect on life in Britain. For young women who had endured three years of war and rationing, the GIs offered romance, glamour, luxurious gifts such as nylons and perfume and, ultimately, the possibility of a new life in America. |
| The US army tried to discourage marriages between GIs and local girls, and was unprepared for the vast numbers of war brides demanding transportation to America at the end of the war. The Queen Mary and Queen Elizabeth were among the dozens of requisitioned liners made available for Operation War Bride. | The US army tried to discourage marriages between GIs and local girls, and was unprepared for the vast numbers of war brides demanding transportation to America at the end of the war. The Queen Mary and Queen Elizabeth were among the dozens of requisitioned liners made available for Operation War Bride. |
| The Red Cross provided hundreds of volunteers to look after the brides on the long voyages, entertaining them with singalongs and giving lectures to prepare them for their new lives in America. | The Red Cross provided hundreds of volunteers to look after the brides on the long voyages, entertaining them with singalongs and giving lectures to prepare them for their new lives in America. |
| • The first GIs arrived in Britain in January 1942. | • The first GIs arrived in Britain in January 1942. |
| • By D-day, there were almost two million of them. | • By D-day, there were almost two million of them. |
| • 70,000 British women married GIs. | • 70,000 British women married GIs. |
| • On 11 October 1945, hundreds of brides protested at the US embassy demanding transport to America. | • On 11 October 1945, hundreds of brides protested at the US embassy demanding transport to America. |
| • On 28 December 1945, the War Brides Act was passed, offering them non-quota immigrant status and free passage to America. | • On 28 December 1945, the War Brides Act was passed, offering them non-quota immigrant status and free passage to America. |
| • The first official war bride transport, the SS Argentina, arrived in New York on 4 February 1946 carrying 451 brides and 175 children. | • The first official war bride transport, the SS Argentina, arrived in New York on 4 February 1946 carrying 451 brides and 175 children. |
| GI Brides: The Wartime Girls who Crossed the Atlantic for Love by Duncan Barrett and Nuala Calvi is published by Harper Collins, £7.99. More information at gibrides.com. To order a copy for £6.39, including free UK p&p, go to theguardian.com/bookshop or call 0330 333 6846. |