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Barri White: 'Paranoia' of man wrongly jailed for murder | Barri White: 'Paranoia' of man wrongly jailed for murder |
(about 7 hours later) | |
A little more than four years ago, Barri White thought all his troubles were over. | A little more than four years ago, Barri White thought all his troubles were over. |
"Someone had finally listened", he said. | "Someone had finally listened", he said. |
He had been cleared by a jury of murdering his girlfriend, 19-year-old Rachel Manning, in 2000. | He had been cleared by a jury of murdering his girlfriend, 19-year-old Rachel Manning, in 2000. |
Mr White walked out of Luton Crown Court a free man after six years in prison, and spent the rest of the day celebrating. | Mr White walked out of Luton Crown Court a free man after six years in prison, and spent the rest of the day celebrating. |
However, it did not mark an entirely fresh start for the-then 29-year-old, a victim of one of the worst miscarriages of justice in the UK. | However, it did not mark an entirely fresh start for the-then 29-year-old, a victim of one of the worst miscarriages of justice in the UK. |
There was still a killer on the loose, and he was not caught until a chance DNA find helped convict Shahidul Ahmed on Wednesday. | There was still a killer on the loose, and he was not caught until a chance DNA find helped convict Shahidul Ahmed on Wednesday. |
After being released, Mr White had a new fight - finding a life after spending most of his 20s behind bars.. | |
A tattoo on his hand remembers his acquittal date - 28.12.2008 - a day followed by many other days which did not live up to expectations. | A tattoo on his hand remembers his acquittal date - 28.12.2008 - a day followed by many other days which did not live up to expectations. |
"I was a mess when I first came out of jail - drinking, doing drugs," he said. | "I was a mess when I first came out of jail - drinking, doing drugs," he said. |
"It's a pain that never goes away. | "It's a pain that never goes away. |
"No matter how drunk I get, or what drugs I've done, it was always there. | "No matter how drunk I get, or what drugs I've done, it was always there. |
"It will always be part of my life until the day I die, and I have to deal with that." | "It will always be part of my life until the day I die, and I have to deal with that." |
'Easier in jail' | 'Easier in jail' |
Living with his uncle, Mr White would shut himself away and tried to replicate prison, where he had at least felt safe from false accusations. | Living with his uncle, Mr White would shut himself away and tried to replicate prison, where he had at least felt safe from false accusations. |
"I'd miss jail," said Mr White, who still lives in Milton Keynes, the town that believed he was a killer. | "I'd miss jail," said Mr White, who still lives in Milton Keynes, the town that believed he was a killer. |
"I'd have my towels in my bedroom, toothpaste, toothbrush; it was my prison cell. | "I'd have my towels in my bedroom, toothpaste, toothbrush; it was my prison cell. |
"Everything I needed was in that one room." | "Everything I needed was in that one room." |
Trips out of the house were just a walk to the shops or to the pub - where he would always sit facing the door - then home. | Trips out of the house were just a walk to the shops or to the pub - where he would always sit facing the door - then home. |
He said: "I wouldn't go out on my own, I was always with at least two or three people. | He said: "I wouldn't go out on my own, I was always with at least two or three people. |
"I was paranoid, I didn't want to be left alone in case something happened and I got accused of it." | "I was paranoid, I didn't want to be left alone in case something happened and I got accused of it." |
Haunted eyes | Haunted eyes |
It was made worse by the fact he felt he had a place in prison, "no worries, no bills to pay", but in the outside world he could not get a job and he received no support from the system. | It was made worse by the fact he felt he had a place in prison, "no worries, no bills to pay", but in the outside world he could not get a job and he received no support from the system. |
Now 34, he is still jobless but tries not to be eaten up by anger, and instead is trying to turn his life around. | Now 34, he is still jobless but tries not to be eaten up by anger, and instead is trying to turn his life around. |
He jokes about his name being part of his notoriety - "it's just me and the black singer", and added, dryly, that the tattoo "13" on his back is "because you couldn't get any more unlucky". | He jokes about his name being part of his notoriety - "it's just me and the black singer", and added, dryly, that the tattoo "13" on his back is "because you couldn't get any more unlucky". |
But his dark eyes tell the real story - of regular nightmares where he is back in prison, of drug addiction, lost relationships, and the pain of the past 12-and-a-half years. | But his dark eyes tell the real story - of regular nightmares where he is back in prison, of drug addiction, lost relationships, and the pain of the past 12-and-a-half years. |
"Getting smashed with mates" ended his marriage with the mother of his three-year-old daughter. | "Getting smashed with mates" ended his marriage with the mother of his three-year-old daughter. |
He copes, he said, by playing football, going for long walks and spending time with his little girl. | He copes, he said, by playing football, going for long walks and spending time with his little girl. |
Telling daughter | Telling daughter |
Mr White changes when he talks about her. A smile spreads across his face. | Mr White changes when he talks about her. A smile spreads across his face. |
"She's helped... she's been a legend," he says. | "She's helped... she's been a legend," he says. |
"She's too young, but one day I will sit her down and say 'this is what Daddy got accused of'. | "She's too young, but one day I will sit her down and say 'this is what Daddy got accused of'. |
"She's a clever little girl, she'll understand." | "She's a clever little girl, she'll understand." |
And then there is Rachel. | And then there is Rachel. |
Only now, he says, can he take his rightful place as a grieving boyfriend. | Only now, he says, can he take his rightful place as a grieving boyfriend. |
He went to her funeral, but was already a suspect in the eyes of police and Rachel's parents. | He went to her funeral, but was already a suspect in the eyes of police and Rachel's parents. |
He says he still loves her and is reminded of her by "lots of little things", the drink she'd order on a night out, her favourite song, and the scent of her perfume. | He says he still loves her and is reminded of her by "lots of little things", the drink she'd order on a night out, her favourite song, and the scent of her perfume. |
He is also desperate to know what happened to her when she disappeared. | He is also desperate to know what happened to her when she disappeared. |
"Every day I still miss her. She is always in my mind," he said. | "Every day I still miss her. She is always in my mind," he said. |
"But she's never coming back. I'll never see her face again, I'll never hear her voice." | "But she's never coming back. I'll never see her face again, I'll never hear her voice." |
"She was beautiful," he added, emphatically and unprompted. | "She was beautiful," he added, emphatically and unprompted. |
"I went through all of that, and I'm still stood here fighting. | "I went through all of that, and I'm still stood here fighting. |
"I hope she would be proud of that." | "I hope she would be proud of that." |
"Life after life: Barri and Keith's story" will feature on Inside Out on BBC1 in the East at 19:30 GMT on Monday, and later on the iPlayer. | "Life after life: Barri and Keith's story" will feature on Inside Out on BBC1 in the East at 19:30 GMT on Monday, and later on the iPlayer. |
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