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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| Online dating: do men get ignored more often than women? | Online dating: do men get ignored more often than women? |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| A couple of weeks ago I went climbing with my friend Dan. I met Dan on an internet date last year; we got chatting because we both know how to keep bees. Up until that point, the youngest male beekeeper I had met was my stepdad, who is in his mid-60s. So to meet a man under 40 that shared this particular common ground was great. | A couple of weeks ago I went climbing with my friend Dan. I met Dan on an internet date last year; we got chatting because we both know how to keep bees. Up until that point, the youngest male beekeeper I had met was my stepdad, who is in his mid-60s. So to meet a man under 40 that shared this particular common ground was great. |
| Over breakfast at Trove in Levenshulme, it was evident that we weren't destined to romantically chase each other around an apiary, but we clearly got on as friends. Dan expressed an interest in learning to climb, so we've been sharing our tales of internet dating and bees at Awesome Walls in Stockport once a week ever since. | Over breakfast at Trove in Levenshulme, it was evident that we weren't destined to romantically chase each other around an apiary, but we clearly got on as friends. Dan expressed an interest in learning to climb, so we've been sharing our tales of internet dating and bees at Awesome Walls in Stockport once a week ever since. |
| This particular week Dan had a face on him like he'd been slapped with a wet flannel. After what seemed like another promising date a few days before, he was encountering "The Silence" – that cruel tumbleweed blowing around your inbox; when a reply to your message seems to have got lost in the ether. Because no-one is rude enough to just ignore you, right? Even more so after a few messages or even a date? | This particular week Dan had a face on him like he'd been slapped with a wet flannel. After what seemed like another promising date a few days before, he was encountering "The Silence" – that cruel tumbleweed blowing around your inbox; when a reply to your message seems to have got lost in the ether. Because no-one is rude enough to just ignore you, right? Even more so after a few messages or even a date? |
| After all, you read the profile, checked the pictures, sat down and typed a brilliantly composed message. You referenced something on their profile (not just looking at the pictures), complimented something in one of their pictures (in a carefully fashioned non-pervy way), said something a little cheeky (look, I can do banter!), asked some questions (proving you are genuinely interested), spell-checked twice, checked your yours and you'res – in case the recipient comes out in hives in the face of questionable spelling and grammar. Brilliant … SEND. | After all, you read the profile, checked the pictures, sat down and typed a brilliantly composed message. You referenced something on their profile (not just looking at the pictures), complimented something in one of their pictures (in a carefully fashioned non-pervy way), said something a little cheeky (look, I can do banter!), asked some questions (proving you are genuinely interested), spell-checked twice, checked your yours and you'res – in case the recipient comes out in hives in the face of questionable spelling and grammar. Brilliant … SEND. |
| The object of your desire logs on (you can see this), they read your message (you can also see this), they look at your profile (and can clearly see from your pictures that you helped build an African village on a gap year, can do dead good yoga on a beach in Goa and that you LOVE LAUGHING). How could they not reply and embark on a series of dates of going out and dancing like no-one is watching or staying in with a bottle of red and a DVD. HOW?! | The object of your desire logs on (you can see this), they read your message (you can also see this), they look at your profile (and can clearly see from your pictures that you helped build an African village on a gap year, can do dead good yoga on a beach in Goa and that you LOVE LAUGHING). How could they not reply and embark on a series of dates of going out and dancing like no-one is watching or staying in with a bottle of red and a DVD. HOW?! |
| But nothing, not even an acknowledgement. Just a silent rejection of your efforts. | But nothing, not even an acknowledgement. Just a silent rejection of your efforts. |
| From the comments that were left under my first article, it's evident that both men and women experience this silence, but from asking around my fellow internet daters and reading through the experiences of others, it seems to be more of a frequent issue for the lads than the lasses. I'm not sure how this translates when it comes to same-sex dating, or if the silence is as much of an issue, but in heterosexual dating, men seem to feel ignored more frequently (excluding those who just send penis shots. You deserve ignoring, you naughty buggers). | |
| It sucks. I've been on the receiving end of it, like many other online daters. However in hindsight, replying to a few messages after being up all night at a Boomtown party in Bristol while typing with my fists and clearly way over the limit to operate a computer, it wasn't my finest messaging moment and I would have ignored me too. | It sucks. I've been on the receiving end of it, like many other online daters. However in hindsight, replying to a few messages after being up all night at a Boomtown party in Bristol while typing with my fists and clearly way over the limit to operate a computer, it wasn't my finest messaging moment and I would have ignored me too. |
| But I guiltily hold my hands up to also not replying from time to time. When I first started online dating I replied to every single person. Before you know it, you are juggling a fair few conversations; some that you know full well are not going to lead to a date. On asking one person I dated how they handled this situation, he simply replied: "I just ignore them." | But I guiltily hold my hands up to also not replying from time to time. When I first started online dating I replied to every single person. Before you know it, you are juggling a fair few conversations; some that you know full well are not going to lead to a date. On asking one person I dated how they handled this situation, he simply replied: "I just ignore them." |
| After experiencing being ignored a couple of times, it kind of felt that this was just the way it was done. An unwritten code of accepted rudeness that you probably wouldn't apply in other aspects of your life – unless you were a bit of a turd. | After experiencing being ignored a couple of times, it kind of felt that this was just the way it was done. An unwritten code of accepted rudeness that you probably wouldn't apply in other aspects of your life – unless you were a bit of a turd. |
| This is where Dan was at. Post-date the text messages were not being responded to. The tumbleweed was knocking around in his phone inbox, and disappointment had set in. | This is where Dan was at. Post-date the text messages were not being responded to. The tumbleweed was knocking around in his phone inbox, and disappointment had set in. |
| In a bid to cheer Dan up – and stop him expressing his cynicism via the medium of the increasingly droopy rope he was supposed to be belaying me with. I suggested we both have a change of tack and go speed dating. Then you can't be ignored – everyone is sat there in front of your face, any awkward encounters or rejections last a maximum of three minutes. It's the dating equivalent of ripping off a plaster: when it comes to the shit bits, it's over very quickly. It would be a new experience for both of us. He agreed, so it was booked. We were off to Elite Speed Dating at Manchester's Circle club. | In a bid to cheer Dan up – and stop him expressing his cynicism via the medium of the increasingly droopy rope he was supposed to be belaying me with. I suggested we both have a change of tack and go speed dating. Then you can't be ignored – everyone is sat there in front of your face, any awkward encounters or rejections last a maximum of three minutes. It's the dating equivalent of ripping off a plaster: when it comes to the shit bits, it's over very quickly. It would be a new experience for both of us. He agreed, so it was booked. We were off to Elite Speed Dating at Manchester's Circle club. |
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