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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
|---|---|
| Royal baby: why the Queen's cousin isn't excited about it | Royal baby: why the Queen's cousin isn't excited about it |
| (2 months later) | |
| Name: Margaret Rhodes. | Name: Margaret Rhodes. |
| Age: 88. | Age: 88. |
| Appearance: Outdoorsy, posh, unstoppable. | Appearance: Outdoorsy, posh, unstoppable. |
| Jolly good. Her mother was the Queen Mum's older sister, you know, so she is the Queen's first cousin. During one visit to Balmoral, Rhodes beat Elizabeth and Margaret in a competition to see who could eat the most slices of bread and golden syrup, by putting away 12. | Jolly good. Her mother was the Queen Mum's older sister, you know, so she is the Queen's first cousin. During one visit to Balmoral, Rhodes beat Elizabeth and Margaret in a competition to see who could eat the most slices of bread and golden syrup, by putting away 12. |
| Yes, well if you're going to take on the Queen at competitive eating, you'd better bring your A game. So I hear. | Yes, well if you're going to take on the Queen at competitive eating, you'd better bring your A game. So I hear. |
| Still, isn't that basically treason? No, because she wasn't the Queen then. And Rhodes has never taken the royal family too seriously, even though she's almost one of them. | Still, isn't that basically treason? No, because she wasn't the Queen then. And Rhodes has never taken the royal family too seriously, even though she's almost one of them. |
| Not taking the royal family seriously? How is that possible? Well, just the other day she was asked on CNN if she was excited about the impending birth of William and Kate's baby. "Not really!" she said, then cackled. | Not taking the royal family seriously? How is that possible? Well, just the other day she was asked on CNN if she was excited about the impending birth of William and Kate's baby. "Not really!" she said, then cackled. |
| But the child will be the king or queen after the one after the next one! I know. It's just that Rhodes couldn't give a stuff. "Well you know," she went on, "everybody has babies and it's lovely, but I don't get wildly excited about it." | But the child will be the king or queen after the one after the next one! I know. It's just that Rhodes couldn't give a stuff. "Well you know," she went on, "everybody has babies and it's lovely, but I don't get wildly excited about it." |
| Er, hello? Does everybody's baby grow up to be Supreme Governor of the Church of England and Defender of the Faith? Did the interviewer press this point? Sort of. And in the end, Rhodes said, "Yes, all right. I'm prepared to be excited." | Er, hello? Does everybody's baby grow up to be Supreme Governor of the Church of England and Defender of the Faith? Did the interviewer press this point? Sort of. And in the end, Rhodes said, "Yes, all right. I'm prepared to be excited." |
| Can we have her quietly beheaded? She'd fight to the death, I fear. As a girl she didn't care for dolls, so for Christmas her parents gave her "bows and arrows, armour and a sword". | Can we have her quietly beheaded? She'd fight to the death, I fear. As a girl she didn't care for dolls, so for Christmas her parents gave her "bows and arrows, armour and a sword". |
| Won't they be too small for her these days? Yes, but remember she also adventured around half of Africa and survived capture during a military coup in Bhutan. And she knows her way around a gun. During the war, she was out hunting rabbits when a low-flying German plane passed just above her, so she emptied the magazine at it. "I thought by some miracle I might hit the petrol tank and it would go up in flames," she says. That was when she was about 14. | Won't they be too small for her these days? Yes, but remember she also adventured around half of Africa and survived capture during a military coup in Bhutan. And she knows her way around a gun. During the war, she was out hunting rabbits when a low-flying German plane passed just above her, so she emptied the magazine at it. "I thought by some miracle I might hit the petrol tank and it would go up in flames," she says. That was when she was about 14. |
| Perhaps I'll leave her alone for now. Good plan. | Perhaps I'll leave her alone for now. Good plan. |
| Do say (as she does): "My mother's sister married somebody important." | Do say (as she does): "My mother's sister married somebody important." |
| Don't say (as she also does): "I feel rather like a species of dinosaur, left behind by evolution." | Don't say (as she also does): "I feel rather like a species of dinosaur, left behind by evolution." |
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