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Are our expectations of fathers too low? Are our expectations of fathers too low?
(2 months later)
Facebook employee Tom Stocky took paternity leave for four months to stay at home with his first child. He faced the usual challenges of new parents: lack of sleep, endless rituals of feeding and napping and changing diapers, the feelings of insecurity and then the day you realize you really enjoy parenting.Facebook employee Tom Stocky took paternity leave for four months to stay at home with his first child. He faced the usual challenges of new parents: lack of sleep, endless rituals of feeding and napping and changing diapers, the feelings of insecurity and then the day you realize you really enjoy parenting.
But what really struck him are the different expectations of fathers and mothers in America. As he wrote in a Facebook post on Sunday:But what really struck him are the different expectations of fathers and mothers in America. As he wrote in a Facebook post on Sunday:
What I never got used to was the double-standard for fathers when it comes to childcare. I experienced it predominantly in three forms: (1) low expectations for fathers, (2) negative perceptions of working mothers, and (3) negative perceptions of 'non-working' fathers.What I never got used to was the double-standard for fathers when it comes to childcare. I experienced it predominantly in three forms: (1) low expectations for fathers, (2) negative perceptions of working mothers, and (3) negative perceptions of 'non-working' fathers.
An example of #1 is the ridiculous praise I often get for changing a diaper or buying groceries with my daughter. To channel a more politely-worded Chris Rock, of course I take care of my kids, I'm supposed to, you low-expectation-having (yet well-intentioned-and-undoubtedly-nice) person. It also still gets under my skin when people call it 'babysitting' or 'daddy daycare.'An example of #1 is the ridiculous praise I often get for changing a diaper or buying groceries with my daughter. To channel a more politely-worded Chris Rock, of course I take care of my kids, I'm supposed to, you low-expectation-having (yet well-intentioned-and-undoubtedly-nice) person. It also still gets under my skin when people call it 'babysitting' or 'daddy daycare.'
#2 includes the back-handed compliments I received dozens of times over the past few months. 'Your wife must work so hard. That's great that you're able to pick up the slack.' Has someone ever said that to a woman?"#2 includes the back-handed compliments I received dozens of times over the past few months. 'Your wife must work so hard. That's great that you're able to pick up the slack.' Has someone ever said that to a woman?"
Are society's expectations of fathers too low? Are you a dad who has been on the receiving end of a back-handed compliment? Have you been guilty of telling a dad how great he is for merely changing a nappy or taking a kid to the pool?Are society's expectations of fathers too low? Are you a dad who has been on the receiving end of a back-handed compliment? Have you been guilty of telling a dad how great he is for merely changing a nappy or taking a kid to the pool?
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