This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.

You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jul/08/whats-in-a-name-adopted-children

The article has changed 2 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.

Version 0 Version 1
What's in a name? For adopted children, rather a lot What's in a name? For adopted children, rather a lot
(2 months later)
Adopted children arrive in new families like lost jigsaw puzzle pieces, and in the rush to try to get them fitted in snugly, it's tempting to paint over the old pattern, smooth over the sharp corners and try to hammer them home. A fine approach if you're taking on a dog or hamster that won't one day grow up and start asking awkward questions, but not one that does people any good at all.Adopted children arrive in new families like lost jigsaw puzzle pieces, and in the rush to try to get them fitted in snugly, it's tempting to paint over the old pattern, smooth over the sharp corners and try to hammer them home. A fine approach if you're taking on a dog or hamster that won't one day grow up and start asking awkward questions, but not one that does people any good at all.
So, while there's a national debate about the naming of children and the class implications of certain names, can I ask, as a representative of my local adoption panel, that we put down our tools of class warfare, throw aside snark and prejudice, and allow adopted children to be themselves – a product of dual heritage?So, while there's a national debate about the naming of children and the class implications of certain names, can I ask, as a representative of my local adoption panel, that we put down our tools of class warfare, throw aside snark and prejudice, and allow adopted children to be themselves – a product of dual heritage?
For prospective parents, some aspects of the adoption process share an unhappily common aesthetic with brochure shopping: snap judgments are made based on a picture and a little bit of information.For prospective parents, some aspects of the adoption process share an unhappily common aesthetic with brochure shopping: snap judgments are made based on a picture and a little bit of information.
As it is hard to face the consequences of sending a child back for one that is a better fit, names become a key factor, alongside facial expression, haircut, clothes, and whether they look like a little scamp or a scary monster.As it is hard to face the consequences of sending a child back for one that is a better fit, names become a key factor, alongside facial expression, haircut, clothes, and whether they look like a little scamp or a scary monster.
It's a queasy process all round, and one prospective adopters just have to wade through, not thinking too hard about it. They look at photographs, read profiles, wait until a face starts to sing out, and make the appropriate inquiries.It's a queasy process all round, and one prospective adopters just have to wade through, not thinking too hard about it. They look at photographs, read profiles, wait until a face starts to sing out, and make the appropriate inquiries.
Expectations can be hard to manage. Intense feelings are in play, and during the wait for approval that is a necessary part of the process, it's easy for the imaginary, baby-shaped void that has grown within a prospective family – for which the parents will have spent years suggesting names – to become competition for any real children that may be about to arrive.Expectations can be hard to manage. Intense feelings are in play, and during the wait for approval that is a necessary part of the process, it's easy for the imaginary, baby-shaped void that has grown within a prospective family – for which the parents will have spent years suggesting names – to become competition for any real children that may be about to arrive.
These children have a past; they come from somewhere other, where the customs are not the same. The void-baby, on the other hand, is a perfect family fit; an empty vessel, with no residue left from a previous owner.These children have a past; they come from somewhere other, where the customs are not the same. The void-baby, on the other hand, is a perfect family fit; an empty vessel, with no residue left from a previous owner.
This is the point at which making judgments about children from a first name alone becomes troubling. Adoption is often a case of middle-class families taking on children from non-middle-class backgrounds, and when those families worry about taking on a child because their name could lower the tone, well, there's that queasiness again.This is the point at which making judgments about children from a first name alone becomes troubling. Adoption is often a case of middle-class families taking on children from non-middle-class backgrounds, and when those families worry about taking on a child because their name could lower the tone, well, there's that queasiness again.
There are children – appealing children with smiley faces – struggling to find new homes, and news reports claiming that prospective adopters are somehow so put off by these names, they would rather remain childless. You have to ask yourself who is adopting whom. Whose needs are being met here, and where are the grownups?There are children – appealing children with smiley faces – struggling to find new homes, and news reports claiming that prospective adopters are somehow so put off by these names, they would rather remain childless. You have to ask yourself who is adopting whom. Whose needs are being met here, and where are the grownups?
It is at this point that the void-baby really should be packed away, and space in the household cleared for the emotional and physical baggage of a real child, and that is hard. Some prospective adopters have a tough time accepting that there is still a birth family out there, and that the story of birth mum and (where possible) birth dad should be passed along in parallel with the history of their own grandparents, uncles and nieces. And as these stories often contain unpleasant details, requiring careful handling, it is easier to try to wipe the slate clean. Can't we just give the children new names?It is at this point that the void-baby really should be packed away, and space in the household cleared for the emotional and physical baggage of a real child, and that is hard. Some prospective adopters have a tough time accepting that there is still a birth family out there, and that the story of birth mum and (where possible) birth dad should be passed along in parallel with the history of their own grandparents, uncles and nieces. And as these stories often contain unpleasant details, requiring careful handling, it is easier to try to wipe the slate clean. Can't we just give the children new names?
Unless there's an issue of security, in which case identity takes second place to personal safety, the answer to that question should most often be no. And the reason is simple: an adopted child should never grow up ashamed of where they came from. Otherwise there's a risk that they will develop void people of their own, and that's a competition all parents can well do without.Unless there's an issue of security, in which case identity takes second place to personal safety, the answer to that question should most often be no. And the reason is simple: an adopted child should never grow up ashamed of where they came from. Otherwise there's a risk that they will develop void people of their own, and that's a competition all parents can well do without.
Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning.