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The death of Daniel Somers and the importance of nuance The death of Daniel Somers and the importance of nuance
(3 months later)
I've been thinking a lot lately about our nuances, and the parts of us that disagree with the other parts of us. The fact that, even at the side of your strongest opinions, all the other opinions cluster, keeping warm, wondering if they'll get their chance one day too. The person you used to fancy so much you couldn't concentrate now makes you so rabid you can't concentrate. Tattoos get lasered off. Marriages end. Scientists make new discoveries about the stars that cancel out their old ones about the sun, because they carried on asking questions, even after getting answers. People change.I've been thinking a lot lately about our nuances, and the parts of us that disagree with the other parts of us. The fact that, even at the side of your strongest opinions, all the other opinions cluster, keeping warm, wondering if they'll get their chance one day too. The person you used to fancy so much you couldn't concentrate now makes you so rabid you can't concentrate. Tattoos get lasered off. Marriages end. Scientists make new discoveries about the stars that cancel out their old ones about the sun, because they carried on asking questions, even after getting answers. People change.
We know this – so why is it so hard to believe that soldiers can change too?We know this – so why is it so hard to believe that soldiers can change too?
I ask because this weekend I read the suicide note of Daniel Somers. The American soldier who served in Iraq took his own life back home in the suburbs of Arizona this month, unable to live with what he had done. His family have published the letter – I read it on the website Gawker. "How can I possibly go around like everyone else while the widows and orphans I created continue to struggle?" he writes. "If they could see me sitting here in suburbia, in my comfortable home working on some music project, they would be outraged, and rightfully so."I ask because this weekend I read the suicide note of Daniel Somers. The American soldier who served in Iraq took his own life back home in the suburbs of Arizona this month, unable to live with what he had done. His family have published the letter – I read it on the website Gawker. "How can I possibly go around like everyone else while the widows and orphans I created continue to struggle?" he writes. "If they could see me sitting here in suburbia, in my comfortable home working on some music project, they would be outraged, and rightfully so."
He worked in intelligence in Baghdad, where he says he was forced to participate in war crimes and atrocities that he cannot describe. He agreed to serve, and not to ask questions, so his questions were suppressed for so long that they came back in different forms. They came back as screams in the night, as psychic interference, as ghosts.He worked in intelligence in Baghdad, where he says he was forced to participate in war crimes and atrocities that he cannot describe. He agreed to serve, and not to ask questions, so his questions were suppressed for so long that they came back in different forms. They came back as screams in the night, as psychic interference, as ghosts.
"My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety," he writes, "even with all of the medications the doctors dare give.""My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety," he writes, "even with all of the medications the doctors dare give."
Yet when I shared this letter online, beyond a lot of sympathy, there was one view that came through again and again in response: "But he was a soldier! He signed up to the army to fight in stupid wars! What did you expect if you join the killing machine?" A sentiment about as helpful as saying, well you said you were going to climb a mountain, so don't stop now that a boulder's fallen on your head.Yet when I shared this letter online, beyond a lot of sympathy, there was one view that came through again and again in response: "But he was a soldier! He signed up to the army to fight in stupid wars! What did you expect if you join the killing machine?" A sentiment about as helpful as saying, well you said you were going to climb a mountain, so don't stop now that a boulder's fallen on your head.
But then, this is what the internet does to us. It goads us into pretending not to have nuance; to taking a stand on one side or the other of things. Ticking a box in an online poll to say whether we agree or disagree, the choice to hit "like" or not to like. Pretending not to have a graded paint chart of thoughts, those 50 emotional shades of grey.But then, this is what the internet does to us. It goads us into pretending not to have nuance; to taking a stand on one side or the other of things. Ticking a box in an online poll to say whether we agree or disagree, the choice to hit "like" or not to like. Pretending not to have a graded paint chart of thoughts, those 50 emotional shades of grey.
When I see people arguing on Twitter, or do it myself, it's obvious how the short soundbite format pushes us into boxes where we have to pretend we only think one thing at a time. If someone unfollows you, a digital defriending, you feel this burn, when in real life there would be nuance in the face of the friend who's a bit sick of you but loves you really, or who just needs to talk about something else to someone else for a bit. It's too easy to fall into the binary trap where a website tells you whether you're friends (1) or not (0), or that soldiers are bad (0) and pacifists are good (1). We're making fools of ourselves as we strip our nuance away.When I see people arguing on Twitter, or do it myself, it's obvious how the short soundbite format pushes us into boxes where we have to pretend we only think one thing at a time. If someone unfollows you, a digital defriending, you feel this burn, when in real life there would be nuance in the face of the friend who's a bit sick of you but loves you really, or who just needs to talk about something else to someone else for a bit. It's too easy to fall into the binary trap where a website tells you whether you're friends (1) or not (0), or that soldiers are bad (0) and pacifists are good (1). We're making fools of ourselves as we strip our nuance away.
There's a bit in Game of Thrones when the Khaleesi needs a new army so she can go and conquer the world. Now this is one fantasy war I could actually get behind, led by an incredible queen who gives birth to dragons, while also being nice to her staff. Until she is taken to meet the Unsullied, a slave army so obedient that it has lost any vestige of self. The slave trader displays their obedience by slicing off a soldier's nipple. The soldier does not flinch, merely steps back into line and says he is glad to serve. It transpires that, as boys, these soldiers are given a puppy to care for. At the end of the year, they must strangle their puppy. After more years of such training, they will do anything they are commanded to do because – as the slave trader explains – "all of their questions have been taken from them".There's a bit in Game of Thrones when the Khaleesi needs a new army so she can go and conquer the world. Now this is one fantasy war I could actually get behind, led by an incredible queen who gives birth to dragons, while also being nice to her staff. Until she is taken to meet the Unsullied, a slave army so obedient that it has lost any vestige of self. The slave trader displays their obedience by slicing off a soldier's nipple. The soldier does not flinch, merely steps back into line and says he is glad to serve. It transpires that, as boys, these soldiers are given a puppy to care for. At the end of the year, they must strangle their puppy. After more years of such training, they will do anything they are commanded to do because – as the slave trader explains – "all of their questions have been taken from them".
Here on Earth, it's those suppressed questions that send you mad in the end. Binary decision-making is for robots, not humans. It's the nuances that keep us sane.Here on Earth, it's those suppressed questions that send you mad in the end. Binary decision-making is for robots, not humans. It's the nuances that keep us sane.
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