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Unthinkable? Overcrowding in the bankers' jail | Unthinkable? Overcrowding in the bankers' jail |
(3 months later) | |
"What are you in for?" He got the question a lot, that first week. It took him ages to work up the courage, but finally out it came: "Mortgages. I sold a few screwy mortgages." | "What are you in for?" He got the question a lot, that first week. It took him ages to work up the courage, but finally out it came: "Mortgages. I sold a few screwy mortgages." |
Then, bam! The watchdog came down on him like a tonne of BRICs – and it was three months inside; do not pass go; do not collect a bonus. | Then, bam! The watchdog came down on him like a tonne of BRICs – and it was three months inside; do not pass go; do not collect a bonus. |
Once his admission was blurted out, the others had plenty of their own. "Someone grassed me up for payment protection insurance." | Once his admission was blurted out, the others had plenty of their own. "Someone grassed me up for payment protection insurance." |
The most common kind of banking criminal; loads of them were banged up under the new custodial sentencing regime for rogue financiers proposed by Andrew Tyrie and his banking-standards do-gooders. | The most common kind of banking criminal; loads of them were banged up under the new custodial sentencing regime for rogue financiers proposed by Andrew Tyrie and his banking-standards do-gooders. |
"Interest-rate swaps for butchers: beak sent me down for a year." | "Interest-rate swaps for butchers: beak sent me down for a year." |
"Libor fixing." Now they were the hardnuts, the money market fiddlers. You didn't talk to them, didn't even look at them or – pop! – there'd be a Bollinger cork in your eye. | "Libor fixing." Now they were the hardnuts, the money market fiddlers. You didn't talk to them, didn't even look at them or – pop! – there'd be a Bollinger cork in your eye. |
But that was the thing about Tyrie's nick, built in Docklands in 2014: it was full to overflowing with bankers. Dodgy sales; compromised equity analysis; dubious derivatives – they were all packed in three to a cell. | But that was the thing about Tyrie's nick, built in Docklands in 2014: it was full to overflowing with bankers. Dodgy sales; compromised equity analysis; dubious derivatives – they were all packed in three to a cell. |
But then there was E-block, both the cushiest and the most depressing wing of the entire jail. That was where the executives stayed, the bosses who'd driven their banks over a cliff. | But then there was E-block, both the cushiest and the most depressing wing of the entire jail. That was where the executives stayed, the bosses who'd driven their banks over a cliff. |
They got the best perks: steak every night; shifts in the library (aka the department of cooked books). Best of all, they didn't have to face the overcrowding – because there were an awful lot of bent bankers in there. | They got the best perks: steak every night; shifts in the library (aka the department of cooked books). Best of all, they didn't have to face the overcrowding – because there were an awful lot of bent bankers in there. |
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