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If only the grieving for Lady Thatcher could go on for ever and ever | If only the grieving for Lady Thatcher could go on for ever and ever |
(5 months later) | |
Cameron: Are you coming to the funeral, Barry? | Cameron: Are you coming to the funeral, Barry? |
Obama: What funeral? | Obama: What funeral? |
Cameron: Margaret Thatcher's. | Cameron: Margaret Thatcher's. |
Obama: Who the hell is she? | Obama: Who the hell is she? |
Cameron: Only the Greatest Woman Who Ever Lived. | Cameron: Only the Greatest Woman Who Ever Lived. |
Obama: Sorry. Still never heard of her. | Obama: Sorry. Still never heard of her. |
Cameron: Shame. While you're there, do you have a number for General Pinochet? | Cameron: Shame. While you're there, do you have a number for General Pinochet? |
Obama: He's dead. | Obama: He's dead. |
Cameron: What? No one tells me a thing. | Cameron: What? No one tells me a thing. |
Craig Oliver: Have you seen the opinion polls? If Thatcher were leading the Conservative party, the Tories would be re-elected with a landslide majority. | Craig Oliver: Have you seen the opinion polls? If Thatcher were leading the Conservative party, the Tories would be re-elected with a landslide majority. |
Cameron: It's a Dead Thatch Bounce. | Cameron: It's a Dead Thatch Bounce. |
Oliver: You don't get it, do you? The country is so disillusioned with the coalition it would rather be governed by someone who is dead. | Oliver: You don't get it, do you? The country is so disillusioned with the coalition it would rather be governed by someone who is dead. |
Blair: Er, excuse me, guys. Yer know the Saint Lady isn't dead. She is resurrected in me. Is that a microphone? Ah good. Have I told you how much she admired me? | Blair: Er, excuse me, guys. Yer know the Saint Lady isn't dead. She is resurrected in me. Is that a microphone? Ah good. Have I told you how much she admired me? |
Bozza: And me. | Bozza: And me. |
Cameron: Sod off, blondie. You're meant to be in Saudi. | Cameron: Sod off, blondie. You're meant to be in Saudi. |
Blair: And how we often joked about how useless Labour is without me. | Blair: And how we often joked about how useless Labour is without me. |
Milidee: What? You're not still here, are you? | Milidee: What? You're not still here, are you? |
Blair: Yes. I've got a few more tax deals to sort out. | Blair: Yes. I've got a few more tax deals to sort out. |
Cameron: Ah! That reminds me. Has anyone checked that Mark Thatcher isn't going to be arrested for starting any coups or illegal arms deals? | Cameron: Ah! That reminds me. Has anyone checked that Mark Thatcher isn't going to be arrested for starting any coups or illegal arms deals? |
Daily Mail: It's a disgrace that Thatcher's funeral should only last a couple of hours and cost the country £10m. There should have been a whole year of national mourning during which it was obligatory for every politician to sob beside her coffin in eternal gratitude for her magnificent legacy. | Daily Mail: It's a disgrace that Thatcher's funeral should only last a couple of hours and cost the country £10m. There should have been a whole year of national mourning during which it was obligatory for every politician to sob beside her coffin in eternal gratitude for her magnificent legacy. |
Cameron: Believe me, I'm trying to spin this whole thing out for as long as possible. If I could get away with a year I would. Have I said how much I owe to the Supreme Leader? | Cameron: Believe me, I'm trying to spin this whole thing out for as long as possible. If I could get away with a year I would. Have I said how much I owe to the Supreme Leader? |
Dimbleby: Er, no. I seem to remember you normally try to distance yourself from her. | Dimbleby: Er, no. I seem to remember you normally try to distance yourself from her. |
Cameron: I don't think that's true at all. I loved Maggie more than life itself. | Cameron: I don't think that's true at all. I loved Maggie more than life itself. |
Clegg: I loved her more. | Clegg: I loved her more. |
Everyone: There's now even a competitive free market for grief. Maggie would be so proud. | Everyone: There's now even a competitive free market for grief. Maggie would be so proud. |
Osborne: I loved her the most. That's why I'm sobbing. | Osborne: I loved her the most. That's why I'm sobbing. |
Cameron: No it's not. You're sobbing because the IMF has again pointed out how useless you are. | Cameron: No it's not. You're sobbing because the IMF has again pointed out how useless you are. |
Osborne: I wish this funeral could go on for ever and ever. | Osborne: I wish this funeral could go on for ever and ever. |
Daily Mail: Us too. | Daily Mail: Us too. |
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