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My Little Katie gives rein to her inner centaur My Little Katie gives rein to her inner centaur
(6 months later)
No, it's not a malarial hallucination: traces of Katie Price have been found in pantomime horsemeat.No, it's not a malarial hallucination: traces of Katie Price have been found in pantomime horsemeat.
Quite how madam entered the supply chain is unclear, although the logistics of this image have been obsessing Lost in Showbiz ever since it scorched its way on to my retinas earlier this week. I imagine she had to be attached to the rear part of the body, because those back legs aren't going anywhere, which would have meant My Little Katie being assembled in an empty press-launch venue, wouldn't it, before the hacks were invited to file in and behold her in all her static glory. I'm probably going to end up thinking quite a lot more about it – as will you, I fear – because it's one of those photographs you just can't unsee.Quite how madam entered the supply chain is unclear, although the logistics of this image have been obsessing Lost in Showbiz ever since it scorched its way on to my retinas earlier this week. I imagine she had to be attached to the rear part of the body, because those back legs aren't going anywhere, which would have meant My Little Katie being assembled in an empty press-launch venue, wouldn't it, before the hacks were invited to file in and behold her in all her static glory. I'm probably going to end up thinking quite a lot more about it – as will you, I fear – because it's one of those photographs you just can't unsee.
Yet what is it in aid of, you might inquire? Well, my psychoanalyst has advised me not to dig too deeply into the whys and wherefores of the image – apparently, sometimes it's better to manage nightmares simply by picturing oneself skating across their surface and off the other side. But minimal research reveals it to be something to do with Katie's range of equestrian clothing, now in its fifth year of sales.Yet what is it in aid of, you might inquire? Well, my psychoanalyst has advised me not to dig too deeply into the whys and wherefores of the image – apparently, sometimes it's better to manage nightmares simply by picturing oneself skating across their surface and off the other side. But minimal research reveals it to be something to do with Katie's range of equestrian clothing, now in its fifth year of sales.
As for the science bit, you may already know that there were lady centaurs in ancient mythology – kentaurides, they were called, and they get a run-out in works by Lucretius and Ovid, among others. "Now she would comb her glossy hair," writes Ovid of one of them in Metamorphoses, "now entwine it with rosemary, now with violets …" And now she would fashion it into a pink mane and use it to shift jodhpurs.As for the science bit, you may already know that there were lady centaurs in ancient mythology – kentaurides, they were called, and they get a run-out in works by Lucretius and Ovid, among others. "Now she would comb her glossy hair," writes Ovid of one of them in Metamorphoses, "now entwine it with rosemary, now with violets …" And now she would fashion it into a pink mane and use it to shift jodhpurs.
Anyway, there really is much to marvel at in the costume. Like how the hock joints on the hind legs of the "horse" have been reversed to mirror Katie's front legs. Like how that's the least unnatural thing about the whole get-up. I wonder if Katie's costumiers dream of graduating – or escaping, she might well hold them captive – to the Haus of Gaga, where they can work with materials like fillet steak instead of fun fur. If any care to get in touch, I can offer safe passage back through the looking glass.Anyway, there really is much to marvel at in the costume. Like how the hock joints on the hind legs of the "horse" have been reversed to mirror Katie's front legs. Like how that's the least unnatural thing about the whole get-up. I wonder if Katie's costumiers dream of graduating – or escaping, she might well hold them captive – to the Haus of Gaga, where they can work with materials like fillet steak instead of fun fur. If any care to get in touch, I can offer safe passage back through the looking glass.
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