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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/mar/01/five-jobs-robot-could-never-steal
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| Version 0 | Version 1 |
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| Five jobs a robot could never steal | Five jobs a robot could never steal |
| (7 months later) | |
| Look about and you'll see here's a lot of robot talk going down right now. It's not confined to the usual places; among aficionados of /r/bioniclove for instance, or members of Daft Punk. Neither is the talk about individual robots, like Bender, Metal Mickey and Philip Hammond. It's talk about a more generalised robot; the robot that's going to take your job. | Look about and you'll see here's a lot of robot talk going down right now. It's not confined to the usual places; among aficionados of /r/bioniclove for instance, or members of Daft Punk. Neither is the talk about individual robots, like Bender, Metal Mickey and Philip Hammond. It's talk about a more generalised robot; the robot that's going to take your job. |
| In a week in which it's already been established that a robot will probably take your life, the fact of a robot also taking your job may be too much to bear (unless said robot has already taken your life, in which case you'll be less bothered). But from Paul Krugman to Jaron Lenier to some bloke who used to write speeches for Tony Blair, the considered view is that in a game of existential top trumps, the robots are going to win. | In a week in which it's already been established that a robot will probably take your life, the fact of a robot also taking your job may be too much to bear (unless said robot has already taken your life, in which case you'll be less bothered). But from Paul Krugman to Jaron Lenier to some bloke who used to write speeches for Tony Blair, the considered view is that in a game of existential top trumps, the robots are going to win. |
| Thanks to a combination of ever more dextrous robotics, more sophisticated artificial intelligence and lengthier extension leads, the machine is going to do for the men. First they did for farming, then other jobs of mass production, now it's service jobs, clerical jobs and, one day sooner than you expect, other white collar jobs too. | Thanks to a combination of ever more dextrous robotics, more sophisticated artificial intelligence and lengthier extension leads, the machine is going to do for the men. First they did for farming, then other jobs of mass production, now it's service jobs, clerical jobs and, one day sooner than you expect, other white collar jobs too. |
| All hope is not lost, however. For a start, our corporate overlords will surely look at the situation they have created through a never-ending appetite for efficiency and think "fuck it, let's just forgo 50% of our corporate profits ($1.75tn last year in the US alone) and build a massive Center Parcs-inspired pleasure dome for everyone in the world". Secondly, if they didn't do that, national governments would surely grow a pair and regulate such a situation so as to distribute the benefits of robotisation more equally across society. | All hope is not lost, however. For a start, our corporate overlords will surely look at the situation they have created through a never-ending appetite for efficiency and think "fuck it, let's just forgo 50% of our corporate profits ($1.75tn last year in the US alone) and build a massive Center Parcs-inspired pleasure dome for everyone in the world". Secondly, if they didn't do that, national governments would surely grow a pair and regulate such a situation so as to distribute the benefits of robotisation more equally across society. |
| Let's just say, though, let's just imagineer wildy for just one minute and envisage a situation in which neither of those two situations actually occur. Even then, there's still be cause for optimism as there would still be at least five jobs that a robot could never do … | Let's just say, though, let's just imagineer wildy for just one minute and envisage a situation in which neither of those two situations actually occur. Even then, there's still be cause for optimism as there would still be at least five jobs that a robot could never do … |
| TV chef | TV chef |
| Robots don't eat. While it might be conceivable that they could one day, they would never actually have to. So the idea of the CPR-23000 making like Michel Roux Jr and waggling its titanium eyebrows at a perfectly poached egg will never truly appeal. Unless the viewers themselves are robots, of course. | Robots don't eat. While it might be conceivable that they could one day, they would never actually have to. So the idea of the CPR-23000 making like Michel Roux Jr and waggling its titanium eyebrows at a perfectly poached egg will never truly appeal. Unless the viewers themselves are robots, of course. |
| Bankers | Bankers |
| You know it, I know it, bankers are paid as much as they are because they do a job so intricate and difficult that most humans would be reduced to a transparent jelly after trying it for just half an hour. The same applies to robots – try going long on the Swedish kroner and see how long you last, tinribs. | You know it, I know it, bankers are paid as much as they are because they do a job so intricate and difficult that most humans would be reduced to a transparent jelly after trying it for just half an hour. The same applies to robots – try going long on the Swedish kroner and see how long you last, tinribs. |
| Ticket inspector | Ticket inspector |
| Now, on first glance, you might think a ticket inspector should be nervous about the upcoming robot revolution. A robot could scan a ticket and verify it, you might say. But I'd reply that you were misunderstanding the role of a ticket inspector; inspiring humiliation at a moment's notice. Wrong ticket for this train, nothing I can do about it, have to get off at next stop. Your Oyster card is 40p short, you're lucky I'm not sending you to prison. Uttered by a robot, these phrases would not nearly be as embarrassing to hear. Only a human can induce shame; cling on to that. | Now, on first glance, you might think a ticket inspector should be nervous about the upcoming robot revolution. A robot could scan a ticket and verify it, you might say. But I'd reply that you were misunderstanding the role of a ticket inspector; inspiring humiliation at a moment's notice. Wrong ticket for this train, nothing I can do about it, have to get off at next stop. Your Oyster card is 40p short, you're lucky I'm not sending you to prison. Uttered by a robot, these phrases would not nearly be as embarrassing to hear. Only a human can induce shame; cling on to that. |
| Record shop employee | Record shop employee |
| Kinda the same thing as ticket inspector really. But thanks to the added fact of them being squeezed by the internet, the remaining record shop employees are now so niche and specialised that they're essentially the high priests of humiliation. Earning the opportunity to be laughed at for not knowing the name of the Bulgarian trance DJ who's remixed the latest Mumford and Sons is now something akin to a pilgrimage. Or a visit to a S&M dungeon. Their value will only rise. | Kinda the same thing as ticket inspector really. But thanks to the added fact of them being squeezed by the internet, the remaining record shop employees are now so niche and specialised that they're essentially the high priests of humiliation. Earning the opportunity to be laughed at for not knowing the name of the Bulgarian trance DJ who's remixed the latest Mumford and Sons is now something akin to a pilgrimage. Or a visit to a S&M dungeon. Their value will only rise. |
| Carers | Carers |
| Human beings need love, and they need love most of all in their most vulnerable moments. When people are young or ill or dying, the touch and concern of another human being allows the possibility of consolation, calm and even healing. Some might say that robots, over time, could learn to mimic the motions and sounds of human concern (a bit like the Kevin Spacey robot in Moon). That's as may be, but I have to tell you that even a robot with self-esteem issues would turn their nose up at the money. | Human beings need love, and they need love most of all in their most vulnerable moments. When people are young or ill or dying, the touch and concern of another human being allows the possibility of consolation, calm and even healing. Some might say that robots, over time, could learn to mimic the motions and sounds of human concern (a bit like the Kevin Spacey robot in Moon). That's as may be, but I have to tell you that even a robot with self-esteem issues would turn their nose up at the money. |
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