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Cameron's flogging weapons in India – but Mantel's been nasty about Kate Cameron's flogging weapons in India – but Mantel's been nasty about Kate
(7 months later)
David Jones: Some of my best friends are homosexualists and very amusing they are too, providing you don't get too close to them without wearing gloves, but I have to point out that, when all is said and done, it's quite clear that same-sex partners can't provide a warm and safe environment in which to raise children ...David Jones: Some of my best friends are homosexualists and very amusing they are too, providing you don't get too close to them without wearing gloves, but I have to point out that, when all is said and done, it's quite clear that same-sex partners can't provide a warm and safe environment in which to raise children ...
Everyone: Was this man born an idiot or was he brought up to become one?Everyone: Was this man born an idiot or was he brought up to become one?
Jones: I feel that my views might have been taken out of context. What I really wanted to say was that homosexualists can't procreate and therefore shouldn't be allowed to get married.Jones: I feel that my views might have been taken out of context. What I really wanted to say was that homosexualists can't procreate and therefore shouldn't be allowed to get married.
Cameron: Ah, there you are Davy boyo. It took me a while to track you down. I couldn't find Wales anywhere on the map. Just a quick heads-up to let you know you will be quietly reshuffled even further into obscurity sometime over the summer.Cameron: Ah, there you are Davy boyo. It took me a while to track you down. I couldn't find Wales anywhere on the map. Just a quick heads-up to let you know you will be quietly reshuffled even further into obscurity sometime over the summer.
Craig Oliver: It's time for you to get ready for your India trip ...Craig Oliver: It's time for you to get ready for your India trip ...
Cameron: But I'm only half way through my pedicure. This job is really beginning to get in the way of my "Me Time". What am I doing in India anyway? Appointing a new Viceroy? Playing polo with some old school chums?Cameron: But I'm only half way through my pedicure. This job is really beginning to get in the way of my "Me Time". What am I doing in India anyway? Appointing a new Viceroy? Playing polo with some old school chums?
Oliver: Not this time, sir. Though I'm sure we can fit in a game of cricket.Oliver: Not this time, sir. Though I'm sure we can fit in a game of cricket.
Cameron: As long as I only have to bat. I hate fielding. But, seriously, why am I going? Apart from as a distraction from everything that's going wrong at home ...Cameron: As long as I only have to bat. I hate fielding. But, seriously, why am I going? Apart from as a distraction from everything that's going wrong at home ...
Oliver: We'd quite like you to flog a few more 12 bores and elephant guns ...Oliver: We'd quite like you to flog a few more 12 bores and elephant guns ...
Cameron: Good Lord! Hilary Mantel has been beastly about Princess Kate ...Cameron: Good Lord! Hilary Mantel has been beastly about Princess Kate ...
Oliver: Have you actually read what she said?Oliver: Have you actually read what she said?
Cameron: Don't be silly! I'm far too busy having an Indian head massage. I've seen the headlines in the Mail. That's more than enough!Cameron: Don't be silly! I'm far too busy having an Indian head massage. I've seen the headlines in the Mail. That's more than enough!
Oliver: Er, excuse me, sir. Someone has raised serious allegations about corruption in arms deals ...Oliver: Er, excuse me, sir. Someone has raised serious allegations about corruption in arms deals ...
Cameron: Don't bother me now. I'm sending an email to Johnny Marr telling him how much I love the Smiths.Cameron: Don't bother me now. I'm sending an email to Johnny Marr telling him how much I love the Smiths.
Oliver: More urgent news. We've just had Owen Paterson DNA-tested and he's 100% donkey.Oliver: More urgent news. We've just had Owen Paterson DNA-tested and he's 100% donkey.
Cameron: Chillax. Order in some chicken tikkas and samosas. Did I ever tell you about the time I didn't smoke dope with the Nawab of Pataudi at Eton?Cameron: Chillax. Order in some chicken tikkas and samosas. Did I ever tell you about the time I didn't smoke dope with the Nawab of Pataudi at Eton?
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