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The metamorphosis of Mr Fox The metamorphosis of Mr Fox
(7 months later)
At night in Swiss Cottage, the foxes scream, as if starring in a rubbish version of The Terminator. Babies scream too these days: a fox had a finger off one last week, and in its little bed – a fairytale gone wrong. There is a new enemy to the sanctity of the basement, a new element to the London property crisis, which is wreathed with sweating paranoia anyway – the man-eating fox. The 30-inch-long great white shark.At night in Swiss Cottage, the foxes scream, as if starring in a rubbish version of The Terminator. Babies scream too these days: a fox had a finger off one last week, and in its little bed – a fairytale gone wrong. There is a new enemy to the sanctity of the basement, a new element to the London property crisis, which is wreathed with sweating paranoia anyway – the man-eating fox. The 30-inch-long great white shark.
As with all moral panics opinions diverge – what to do about the ginger stalker? For some, only a shotgun or poison is good enough for Mr Fox and his horrid cubs, grown fat on the largesse of KFC. My colleague Simon Jenkins dreams about a fantasy Heath and Highgate Hunt that would roam through Belsize Park until there were none left.As with all moral panics opinions diverge – what to do about the ginger stalker? For some, only a shotgun or poison is good enough for Mr Fox and his horrid cubs, grown fat on the largesse of KFC. My colleague Simon Jenkins dreams about a fantasy Heath and Highgate Hunt that would roam through Belsize Park until there were none left.
For others, they are the embodiment of Disney schmaltz, and must be cosseted in some appalling vulpine version of the Disney princess Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Fox lovers, who dispense advice on how to cure mange and even dispatch fox ambulances in the most extreme cases, torment Jenkins. They instruct him to urinate on his garden to frighten off a vixen and her cubs, to fill in her hole with concrete and newspaper – how dare they? – and to erect a small ramp so the vixen can safely leave Egypt (Jenkins's garden) for Canaan (the next door garden) in some dramatic fox-themed re-enactment of Exodus. My sympathy is with Jenkins here. I do not trust anyone who prefers animals to people.For others, they are the embodiment of Disney schmaltz, and must be cosseted in some appalling vulpine version of the Disney princess Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Fox lovers, who dispense advice on how to cure mange and even dispatch fox ambulances in the most extreme cases, torment Jenkins. They instruct him to urinate on his garden to frighten off a vixen and her cubs, to fill in her hole with concrete and newspaper – how dare they? – and to erect a small ramp so the vixen can safely leave Egypt (Jenkins's garden) for Canaan (the next door garden) in some dramatic fox-themed re-enactment of Exodus. My sympathy is with Jenkins here. I do not trust anyone who prefers animals to people.
It is true that the status of foxes in particular is confused, especially since the last Labour government stopped (or, rather, tried to stop) country dwellers hunting them on Sundays, as a healthy alternative to watching Antiques Roadshow, a piece of legislation I always thought was spiteful and unfair. If you want to legislate against cruelty to animals, why stop there? And if you want to stop the sadistic fun of human beings, why stop there? It was the political equivalent of burning a cummerbund in Eton High Street while laughing, and just as pointless.It is true that the status of foxes in particular is confused, especially since the last Labour government stopped (or, rather, tried to stop) country dwellers hunting them on Sundays, as a healthy alternative to watching Antiques Roadshow, a piece of legislation I always thought was spiteful and unfair. If you want to legislate against cruelty to animals, why stop there? And if you want to stop the sadistic fun of human beings, why stop there? It was the political equivalent of burning a cummerbund in Eton High Street while laughing, and just as pointless.
So what to do about the fox? Is it illegal to offer him a dagger or poison? To bury him in the desert? I am too frightened to ask the police, although I doubt fox murder would be a serious issue in north London, where the protection of property in general, and garden furniture in particular, is paramount. It is true that attacks on humans are very rare, and that dogs do more damage to children's limbs, as does the KFC both predators love to eat. It is also true that foxes eat rats; for that I thank them. Perhaps the fox should be treated like a human predator; that is, left alone, until he errs. Shoot only the bad ones.So what to do about the fox? Is it illegal to offer him a dagger or poison? To bury him in the desert? I am too frightened to ask the police, although I doubt fox murder would be a serious issue in north London, where the protection of property in general, and garden furniture in particular, is paramount. It is true that attacks on humans are very rare, and that dogs do more damage to children's limbs, as does the KFC both predators love to eat. It is also true that foxes eat rats; for that I thank them. Perhaps the fox should be treated like a human predator; that is, left alone, until he errs. Shoot only the bad ones.
There are two elements, I think, under the Fox Eats Baby story. One is the ease with which we demonise the animals we harm. In the 1970s, a host of movies followed the sharkploitation film Jaws. There was Jaws with killer whales (Orca), Jaws with bees (The Swarm) and, most preposterously, Jaws with ants (Ants). This spoke to the most fetid part of human paranoia and it was very American: how we fear those we destroy! What was most interesting about these fairytales was how they gave human agency to animals. As they killed us, they became us.There are two elements, I think, under the Fox Eats Baby story. One is the ease with which we demonise the animals we harm. In the 1970s, a host of movies followed the sharkploitation film Jaws. There was Jaws with killer whales (Orca), Jaws with bees (The Swarm) and, most preposterously, Jaws with ants (Ants). This spoke to the most fetid part of human paranoia and it was very American: how we fear those we destroy! What was most interesting about these fairytales was how they gave human agency to animals. As they killed us, they became us.
The other question is how we decide which animals to spoil, which to use and which to fear. Although animals seem to be divided, roughly, into huggable, edible, wearable and horrible, I think these criteria are delusional. Domestic cats, for instance – the monstrous predators who eat the songbirds. If you really love a cat, why can't you stick a bell on it? And if you admire a big cat, are you pleased they have disappeared from British circuses at last, even as they remain in British zoos? Or the hamster? What on earth is the point of cohabiting with a hamster? But even if I do not understand profound emotion for animals, surely we should be kind to all of them, or none of them? You would be less disgusted to learn you had eaten horse lasagna if the meat was not, in your mind, Boxer from Animal Farm.The other question is how we decide which animals to spoil, which to use and which to fear. Although animals seem to be divided, roughly, into huggable, edible, wearable and horrible, I think these criteria are delusional. Domestic cats, for instance – the monstrous predators who eat the songbirds. If you really love a cat, why can't you stick a bell on it? And if you admire a big cat, are you pleased they have disappeared from British circuses at last, even as they remain in British zoos? Or the hamster? What on earth is the point of cohabiting with a hamster? But even if I do not understand profound emotion for animals, surely we should be kind to all of them, or none of them? You would be less disgusted to learn you had eaten horse lasagna if the meat was not, in your mind, Boxer from Animal Farm.
And this is why the fox is interesting. Where he is concerned, we cannot choose.And this is why the fox is interesting. Where he is concerned, we cannot choose.
Twitter: @TanyaGold1Twitter: @TanyaGold1
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