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Just William: a role model for the modern Conservative party Just William: a role model for the modern Conservative party
(about 5 hours later)
✒ I wonder what the point of the Conservative party is these days? Surely the whole notion of a political party is to promote a commonality of interests, but this lot don't agree about anything. They're split on the economy, with their leader over the water (well, over the Thames in City Hall), Boris Johnson, carefully setting himself up against Cameron and Osborne, no doubt because – being a classicist – he has studied the entrails of slaughtered birds and decided that a great disaster looms. They're split on Europe, and this week they were hopelessly split on social policy.✒ I wonder what the point of the Conservative party is these days? Surely the whole notion of a political party is to promote a commonality of interests, but this lot don't agree about anything. They're split on the economy, with their leader over the water (well, over the Thames in City Hall), Boris Johnson, carefully setting himself up against Cameron and Osborne, no doubt because – being a classicist – he has studied the entrails of slaughtered birds and decided that a great disaster looms. They're split on Europe, and this week they were hopelessly split on social policy.
What do they agree on? The only thing that springs to mind is a wish to defeat the Labour party (and the Lib Dems; their extinction as a political force would be an even greater bonus). They can all agree that Labour left the economy in a frightful state, though that has been greatly exaggerated – and in any case Osborne has left it much worse. But apart from that I can't see any real reason for their continued existence.What do they agree on? The only thing that springs to mind is a wish to defeat the Labour party (and the Lib Dems; their extinction as a political force would be an even greater bonus). They can all agree that Labour left the economy in a frightful state, though that has been greatly exaggerated – and in any case Osborne has left it much worse. But apart from that I can't see any real reason for their continued existence.
They have become a sort of Just William party. You could write the story yourself. "'When I set up a party,' said William, 'everyone will be able to vote for whatever they like. It's not fair tellin' people they've got to vote for something jus' 'cos someone else says they've got to. It's not like school. When I'm prime minister everyone can do what they want …' He kicked a stone moodily down the road."They have become a sort of Just William party. You could write the story yourself. "'When I set up a party,' said William, 'everyone will be able to vote for whatever they like. It's not fair tellin' people they've got to vote for something jus' 'cos someone else says they've got to. It's not like school. When I'm prime minister everyone can do what they want …' He kicked a stone moodily down the road."
William's creator, Richmal Crompton, was a very active Tory. Anarchy in the home counties is what William, and the present Tories, seem to be all about.William's creator, Richmal Crompton, was a very active Tory. Anarchy in the home counties is what William, and the present Tories, seem to be all about.
✒ Boris turned up on the giant screen at the Political Book Awards ceremony this week, like a Hollywood star in LA deigning to thank the Baftas. As always, he contrived to get in a dig against a cabinet minister, saying, apropos of nothing, that he had been looking at some of the great predictive titles on his shelves. These included Harrison Salisbury's 1969 book The Coming War Between Russia and China and Michael Portillo: The Future of the Right – by Michael Gove. Ouch, yaroo!✒ Boris turned up on the giant screen at the Political Book Awards ceremony this week, like a Hollywood star in LA deigning to thank the Baftas. As always, he contrived to get in a dig against a cabinet minister, saying, apropos of nothing, that he had been looking at some of the great predictive titles on his shelves. These included Harrison Salisbury's 1969 book The Coming War Between Russia and China and Michael Portillo: The Future of the Right – by Michael Gove. Ouch, yaroo!
The bash was largely funded by Lord Ashcroft, the former deputy chairman of the Tory party. It was held at the vast Imax cinema in central London, and it was packed. There was limitless sparkling wine for the hour before the ceremony, along with some very fancy canapés; after the awards had been dished out there was a lot more boozing and scoffing of substantial quantities of food. There was also a total of £13,000 dished out between some of the winners. In short, it must have cost a fortune. Clearly Ashcroft has decided that the Conservatives stand little chance of winning the next election, so he might as well spend his money on parties instead.The bash was largely funded by Lord Ashcroft, the former deputy chairman of the Tory party. It was held at the vast Imax cinema in central London, and it was packed. There was limitless sparkling wine for the hour before the ceremony, along with some very fancy canapés; after the awards had been dished out there was a lot more boozing and scoffing of substantial quantities of food. There was also a total of £13,000 dished out between some of the winners. In short, it must have cost a fortune. Clearly Ashcroft has decided that the Conservatives stand little chance of winning the next election, so he might as well spend his money on parties instead.
✒ As we left we were given goody bags, which included a CD of an interview with Ann Widdecombe, a pair of green underpants advertising Paddy Power, and a paperback of the wit and wisdom of Boris. I already have this volume, so I left it on the seat on the train home, where it was seized by a young man who read it for the whole half hour before I got off, studying it as intently as a novice nun reading the Bible.✒ As we left we were given goody bags, which included a CD of an interview with Ann Widdecombe, a pair of green underpants advertising Paddy Power, and a paperback of the wit and wisdom of Boris. I already have this volume, so I left it on the seat on the train home, where it was seized by a young man who read it for the whole half hour before I got off, studying it as intently as a novice nun reading the Bible.
✒ The Chris Huhne saga might be a textbook case in how not to handle a political crisis. The main lesson must be, "admit it as soon as you can, and never challenge the law". Jeffrey Archer would not have gone to jail if he had admitted that he'd paid the money to a prostitute. Who would have cared? Who would even have been surprised?✒ The Chris Huhne saga might be a textbook case in how not to handle a political crisis. The main lesson must be, "admit it as soon as you can, and never challenge the law". Jeffrey Archer would not have gone to jail if he had admitted that he'd paid the money to a prostitute. Who would have cared? Who would even have been surprised?
When the Guardian revealed that the then defence minister Jonathan Aitken had let a Saudi arms dealer pay his hotel bill, he should have fessed up, said it wouldn't happen again, and gone placidly on his way. Instead he sued the paper and wound up in prison. Where at least he found God. Even Richard Nixon would have been advised to admit that the Watergate break-in had happened. Declare that everyone had gone too far, apologise, and he'd have served out his second term. When the Guardian revealed that the then defence minister Jonathan Aitken had let a Saudi arms dealer pay his hotel bill, he should have fessed up, said it wouldn't happen again, and gone placidly on his way.
If Chris Huhne had accepted the speeding points he'd have been off the road for a while, and his insurance would have gone up. He is a very wealthy man, and that – plus a few taxis – would have cost him less money than he'd ever notice. Now he has paid a far, far higher price. Instead he sued the paper and wound up in prison. Where at least he found God. Even Richard Nixon would have been advised to admit that the Watergate break-in had happened. Declare that everyone had gone too far, apologise, and he'd have served out his second term.
✒ More silly labels etc. Les Brown writes, "I have just noticed that Hounslow roads department lorries have a new livery: 'delivering better streets'. I am waiting for mine to drop through the letterbox." Liz Hanson was alarmed by a tag on a pair of Clarks shoes: "Thank you for buying these shoes. Due to the nature of the materials used in construction, care should be taken during wear." What kind of dangerous materials is not specified. Papier-mâché? Gelignite? If Huhne had accepted the speeding points he'd have been off the road for a while, and his insurance would have gone up. He is a very wealthy man, and that – plus a few taxis – would have cost him less money than he'd ever notice. Now he has paid a far, far higher price.
Tina McKay spotted another Groupon recruiting ad in the Guardian. It wants a "vertical leader who will drive topline financial results for one or more vertical product categories". She says that a vertical employee is, presumably, someone who doesn't sleep on the job, but what on earth is a vertical product? ✒ More silly labels etc. Les Brown writes: "I have just noticed that Hounslow roads department lorries have a new livery: 'Delivering better streets'. I am waiting for mine to drop through the letterbox." Liz Hanson was alarmed by a tag on a pair of Clarks shoes: "Thank you for buying these shoes. Due to the nature of the materials used in construction, care should be taken during wear." What kind of dangerous materials is not specified. Papier-mache? Gelignite?
Brian and Margaret Roper bought an Innocent-brand fruit smoothie, with its faux naïf, child's drawing-style label showing a happy fruit with a halo round its head. The front promises "strawberries, blackberries and raspberries". The back reveals that it contains three-quarters of a crushed strawberry, one crushed raspberry and fully two blackberries. Innocent smoothies are now owned by Coca-Cola. Are you astonished to learn that? I think not. Tina McKay spotted another Groupon recruiting ad in the Guardian. It wants a "vertical leader who will drive topline financial results for one or more vertical product categories". She says that a vertical employee is, presumably, someone who doesn't sleep on the job, but what on Earth is a vertical product?
Brian and Margaret Roper bought an Innocent-brand fruit smoothie, with its faux-naïf, child's drawing-style label showing a happy fruit with a halo round its head. The front promises "strawberries, blackberries and raspberries". The back reveals that it contains three-quarters of a crushed strawberry, one crushed raspberry and fully two blackberries. Innocent smoothies are now owned by Coca-Cola. Are you astonished to learn that? I think not.
And following "hand-cooked crisps", and a fruit tart featuring "hand-placed pears", reader E Tonkin used an HSBC hole-in-the-wall that advertised "hand-crafted" financial offers.And following "hand-cooked crisps", and a fruit tart featuring "hand-placed pears", reader E Tonkin used an HSBC hole-in-the-wall that advertised "hand-crafted" financial offers.