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Has Liz Truss tried looking after six toddlers? I have Has Liz Truss tried looking after six toddlers? I have
(about 1 hour later)
The conservative MP Liz Truss, like so many in public policy, has noticed that childcare is unaffordable – families in the UK spend nearly a third of their income on it; more than anyone else in the world.The conservative MP Liz Truss, like so many in public policy, has noticed that childcare is unaffordable – families in the UK spend nearly a third of their income on it; more than anyone else in the world.
Truss is unique, I think, in identifying the problem as over-regulation – specifically, she thinks the current adult-to-child ratios are too stringent. In her plan, one adult would be able to care for six two-year-olds (at the moment it's four). This would force up wages (apparently), and professionalise the role of childcare – which process, incidentally, would be shored up by new requirements, including C grades in maths and English GCSEs.Truss is unique, I think, in identifying the problem as over-regulation – specifically, she thinks the current adult-to-child ratios are too stringent. In her plan, one adult would be able to care for six two-year-olds (at the moment it's four). This would force up wages (apparently), and professionalise the role of childcare – which process, incidentally, would be shored up by new requirements, including C grades in maths and English GCSEs.
Opinion gathered along party lines – rightwing thinktanks and blogs hailed this as Truss's "moment"; lefties said she was barking. Ah, the smell of napisan in the morning, I love it. But did anybody test-drive her theory for her, even in its planning stage? I do not think they did. Opinion gathered along party lines – rightwing thinktanks and blogs hailed this as Truss's "moment"; lefties said she was barking. Ah, the smell of Napisan in the morning, I love it. But did anybody test-drive her theory for her, even in its planning stage? I do not think they did.
So in the interests of public policy research, I scored myself six toddlers for the hours between 9.30am and 1pm. These are not standard nursery hours, so I cannot vouch for the poor humans who would have to do this professionally. I should note here that I don't have any childcare qualifications, though I do have maths and English GCSEs, and am educated to degree level. That didn't help. So in the interests of public policy research, I scored myself six toddlers between 9.30am and 1pm. These are not standard nursery hours, so I cannot vouch for the poor humans who would have to do this professionally. I should note here that I don't have any childcare qualifications, though I do have maths and English GCSEs, and am educated to degree level. That didn't help.
Sid and Sam are twins, Lucas and Ryan are good pals, Harper is my daughter and is actually three, and Gus rounded it up. Ryan was the godsend of the group, fascinated by the taxonomy of the Pixar Cars franchise. He made precisely no demands, apart from "where's the red one?", "where's the blue one?", "where's Sally?" and "batteries". He was also potty trained, along with Lucas, who is a charmer. The twins were still in nappies, and Gus was not in a good mood. Basically, the Ryan of a gang this size will get precisely no attention at all. He will just occasionally be handed a car. That might be fine. He might be a mini-version of those adults who like to read poetry at parties. But it's not very Ofsted. I think they would want him to have some interaction. Sid and Sam are twins, Lucas and Ryan are good pals, Harper is my daughter and is actually three, and Gus rounded it up.
Ryan was the godsend of the group: fascinated by the taxonomy of the Pixar Cars franchise, he made precisely no demands, apart from "where's the red one?", "where's the blue one?", "where's Sally?" and "batteries". He was also potty trained, along with Lucas, who is a charmer. The twins were in nappies; Gus was not in a good mood.
Basically, the Ryan of a gang this size will get precisely no attention at all. He will just occasionally be handed a car. That might be fine. He might be a mini-version of those adults who like to read poetry at parties. But it's not very Ofsted. I think they would want him to have some interaction.
On the subject of Ofsted, they require a carer to take the kids out at least once a day. I want to make a complicated analogy about a horde of ferrets and a motorway, but actually, anybody who thinks an adult could take out six two-year-old children has simply never met a pre-verbal child. It would be the apex of irresponsibility. People would stop you in the street. I couldn't even get them all into the same room at the same time.On the subject of Ofsted, they require a carer to take the kids out at least once a day. I want to make a complicated analogy about a horde of ferrets and a motorway, but actually, anybody who thinks an adult could take out six two-year-old children has simply never met a pre-verbal child. It would be the apex of irresponsibility. People would stop you in the street. I couldn't even get them all into the same room at the same time.
Gus's mood was not bad, he just wasn't feeling very vivacious and wanted to be in someone's arms the whole time. It's incredibly cute, like having a marmoset, but now I have no arms to look after the other five. They didn't fight with each other; I think they knew on some instinctive level that I wouldn't be able to intervene. I was effectively the UN, all blue helmet and no mandate.Gus's mood was not bad, he just wasn't feeling very vivacious and wanted to be in someone's arms the whole time. It's incredibly cute, like having a marmoset, but now I have no arms to look after the other five. They didn't fight with each other; I think they knew on some instinctive level that I wouldn't be able to intervene. I was effectively the UN, all blue helmet and no mandate.
The twins are in that call-and-response phase, where they show you something and tell you what it is, but they won't really rest until you show them something else, tell them what that is, and then you swap. It's not time-consuming so much as concentration-breaking, so you can never follow through on what you're doing, and what you're normally doing is looking for the child you can't immediately see. Quite often, that child will show up in the time it takes you to remember that you were looking for him, but not always, so there is a hell of a lot of running up and down stairs and blind panic. I wasn't going to admit that, because I thought their mothers would freak out. But now I've given them all back alive, I figure it's OK. And because she's three and won't choke, I didn't take any notice of my daughter at all. For all I know, she took off and spent the whole time in Caffe Nero. The twins are in that call-and-response phase, where they show you something and tell you what it is, but they won't really rest until you show them something else, tell them what that is, and then you swap. It's not time-consuming so much as concentration-breaking, so you can never follow through on what you're doing, and what you're normally doing is looking for the child you can't immediately see. Quite often, that child will show up in the time it takes you to remember that you were looking for him, but not always, so there is a hell of a lot of running up and down stairs and blind panic. I wasn't going to admit that, because I thought their mothers would freak out. But now I've given them all back alive, I figure it's OK. And because she's three and won't choke, I didn't take any notice of my daughter at all. For all I know, she took off and spent the time in Caffè Nero.
Long-term, or rather, for any period longer than three hours, you would basically have to pen them into a smaller space, otherwise you would go mad. That's fine, it's not dangerous, but again, it's not very Ofsted. You can't keep kids in a single room for a whole day with no fresh air. Those are battery conditions.Long-term, or rather, for any period longer than three hours, you would basically have to pen them into a smaller space, otherwise you would go mad. That's fine, it's not dangerous, but again, it's not very Ofsted. You can't keep kids in a single room for a whole day with no fresh air. Those are battery conditions.
Twins poo at the same time, who knew? But you have to prioritise the toddlers who are using a loo, who seem to have some auto-suggestion and need to go as soon as they smell anything that reminds them of a loo. Building in some time to lose track of what you were doing, I'd put this job at an hour, from poo-alert to the second twin getting a fresh nappy. I don't even know where Ofsted stands on this, but I don't think they would give me a medal. Twins poo at the same time, who knew? But you have to prioritise the toddlers who are using a loo, as they seem to have some auto-suggestion and need to go as soon as they smell anything that reminds them of a loo. Building in some time to lose track of what you were doing, I'd put this job at an hour, from poo-alert to the second twin getting a fresh nappy. I don't even know where Ofsted stands on this, but I don't think they would give me a medal.
I want to put you through this in real time, but I've got to pick peas out of the weave of my carpet. This is, on mature consideration, and with no offence meant, the worst idea a person in government has ever had.I want to put you through this in real time, but I've got to pick peas out of the weave of my carpet. This is, on mature consideration, and with no offence meant, the worst idea a person in government has ever had.