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Papists and Paisleyites united Papists and Paisleyites united
(about 3 hours later)
Jacob Rees-Mogg, a younger son from one of the greatest of England's Catholic families, unwound himself from the benches in order to bugger up the government's bill ending sex discrimination in the monarchy. Amazingly, he got support from, among others, Ian Paisley Junior, scion of the UK's greatest anti-Catholic family.Jacob Rees-Mogg, a younger son from one of the greatest of England's Catholic families, unwound himself from the benches in order to bugger up the government's bill ending sex discrimination in the monarchy. Amazingly, he got support from, among others, Ian Paisley Junior, scion of the UK's greatest anti-Catholic family.
The speech was a triumph. I imagine Rees-Mogg preparing it at home, warming a tisane in the superbly carved Louis XV microwave, writing at one of the few surviving wood-fired laptops. He and his wife live in a beautiful home, made even lovelier when they had the conservatory converted to a priest hole. As he spoke, we could hear the creaking of floorboards, the faint clamour of bells in the servants' quarters and the squeaking of bats in the belfry – indeed, bats in the billiards room, the bogs and the butler's pantry. I suspect Anthony Trollope would have thought Rees-Mogg a terrible old fuddy-duddy. The speech was a triumph. I imagine Rees-Mogg preparing it at home, warming a tisane in the superbly carved Louis XV microwave, writing at one of the few surviving wood-fired laptops.
He and his wife live in a beautiful home, made even lovelier when they had the conservatory converted to a priest hole. As he spoke, we could hear the creaking of floorboards, the faint clamour of bells in the servants' quarters and the squeaking of bats in the belfry – indeed, bats in the billiards room, the bogs and the butler's pantry. I suspect Anthony Trollope would have thought Rees-Mogg a terrible old fuddy-duddy.
The burden of his complaint was that parliament was not getting enough time to debate this vital bill; MPs spent longer debating the taxation of lorries. Many of them gasped. How did Rees-Mogg, the Conservative MP for North East Somerset and son of the recently deceased William, who edited The Times, know what a lorry was?The burden of his complaint was that parliament was not getting enough time to debate this vital bill; MPs spent longer debating the taxation of lorries. Many of them gasped. How did Rees-Mogg, the Conservative MP for North East Somerset and son of the recently deceased William, who edited The Times, know what a lorry was?
He said he was a "Papist" and didn't mind being called that. "A person of the Roman Catholic religion" was, he said, mere middle-management speak. There could be no greater joy than passing your faith on to your children. He positively wanted the crown to discriminate against Catholics because that was a part of our history. Inclusivity may be a modern buzzword, but he believes in the opposite: exclusivity. He said he was a "Papist" and didn't mind being called that. "A person of the Roman Catholic religion" was, he said, mere middle-management speak. There could be no greater joy than passing your faith on to your children.
Then one MP after another stood up to agree with him. Paul Flynn (Labour, Newport) called it a Pandora's box. He revealed that one MP was 246th in line to the throne. We prayed it was Dennis Skinner. (It turns out to be Ian Liddell-Grainger; he must be hoping for a really spectacular bus crash.) He positively wanted the crown to discriminate against Catholics because that was a part of our history. Inclusivity may be a modern buzzword, but he believes in the opposite: exclusivity. Then one MP after another stood up to agree with him. Paul Flynn (Labour, Newport) called it a Pandora's box. He revealed that one MP was 246th in line to the throne. We prayed it was Dennis Skinner. (It turns out to be Ian Liddell-Grainger; he must be hoping for a really spectacular bus crash.)
John Hemming said the bill was a "value-burger, which has not been DNA-tested". His fellow Lib Dem, poor Nick Clegg, who has the job of seeing the bill through the Commons, sat chewing his lip. Was this going to be another Clegg disaster, like a new voting system and House of Lords reform? Colleagues suspect he has the Samid touch, which is the reverse of Midas – everything he touches turns to dust. John Hemming said the bill was a "value-burger, which has not been DNA-tested". His fellow Lib Dem, poor Nick Clegg, who has the job of seeing the bill through the Commons, sat chewing his lip.
Was this going to be another Clegg disaster, like a new voting system and House of Lords reform? Colleagues suspect he has the Samid touch, which is the reverse of Midas – everything he touches turns to dust.
Then Rees-Mogg withdrew his amendment, on the grounds that since both front benches were opposed to it, the House was certain to vote the wrong way. Mr Clegg looked no happier. He spoke about the ancient laws which discriminated against Catholics, who could not vote, teach or own a horse worth more than £5.Then Rees-Mogg withdrew his amendment, on the grounds that since both front benches were opposed to it, the House was certain to vote the wrong way. Mr Clegg looked no happier. He spoke about the ancient laws which discriminated against Catholics, who could not vote, teach or own a horse worth more than £5.
Ian Paisley smiled wolfishly and said, "I'm not going to say those were halcyon days!", leaving us to assume he'd happily bring them back.Ian Paisley smiled wolfishly and said, "I'm not going to say those were halcyon days!", leaving us to assume he'd happily bring them back.
Suddenly we were on to "Louisa, daughter of George II" (the old girl rarely gets a look in these days), Princess Sophia's precedence act, and then an anguished cry from Rees-Mogg: if the act were passed, "the Duchy of Lancaster would be separated from the Crown for the first time since Henry IV", which he made sound an even greater disaster than the approaching triple dip recession.Suddenly we were on to "Louisa, daughter of George II" (the old girl rarely gets a look in these days), Princess Sophia's precedence act, and then an anguished cry from Rees-Mogg: if the act were passed, "the Duchy of Lancaster would be separated from the Crown for the first time since Henry IV", which he made sound an even greater disaster than the approaching triple dip recession.