Downton Abbey: season three, episode two

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2013/jan/21/downton-abbey-three-episode-two-us

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SPOILER ALERT: This blog is for people watching Downton Abbey series three on PBS in the US . Don't read on if you haven't seen episode three.

Viv Groskop's episode two blog

"I can't do this! You know it's wrong!" Blimey. That was a jawdropper. Lord Sir Anthony Strallan-Gormless has a backbone? That I was not expecting. Death by illicit sex, the flaring-up of an unexpected war injury or the sudden appearance of a melty-face – those I would have happily predicted. But not something really simple like him coming to his senses and realising that it was not a good idea to marry Edith after all.

And, Granny, frankly, what are you doing meddling? Why do you want to see Edith alone? Could it be just for your geriatric sport? Never mind. It's all too late now. Better roll back up the carpets, ditch all those tasteful floral arrangements and let the servants eat the truffle crostini.

Poor Edith. Although at least she got to mess up her hair for once and we got a glimpse of how beautiful actress Laura Carmichael is in real life. (It's actually a measure of how good she is that we think of Edith as The Plain One at all.)

Highs? Mrs Hughes. Lovely Mrs Hughes. And Carson's singing. But overall this was a strange episode in that it undid lots of potentially interesting plot developments. Matthew's not going to save Downton! Oh, yes, he is after all. Mrs Hughes might have cancer! Oh, no, she hasn't after all. Edith might stop being plain and spinsterly! Oh, no, she won't after all.

And is it me or have Martha Levinson (Shirley Maclaine) and her flirty ladies' maid buggered off with very little explanation? Why wouldn't you have Shirley Maclaine at your wedding if you possibly could? Did I blink and miss their leaving party? Maybe Martha's goat's milk rider just became too much for Mrs Patmore (aka The World's Worst Patient Advocate).

Meanwhile in the kitchen Alfred was virtually retching at the sight of oysters à la russe, and demanding cheese. An unfortunate request, especially in view of all the warring plot points and emotional cul-de-sacs in tonight's airing. Don't you worry, Tall Footman. Cheese is one thing never in short supply at Downton Abbey.

Random subplot alert

What on earth was all that business with Downton Place? One minute they were banging on and on about their exciting picnic and making great plans and travelling in a motor car in a special Motor Car Bonnet (Cousin Violet). The next they's finished their picnic in the space of about five seconds and were back in Downton Abbey. What a waste of a location shoot!

All this business clashed hugely with the rival subplot of the letter from Ginger Lavinia's father's solicitors in India or wherever. Once Lady Mary opened the letter without Matthew's permission and discovered that Ginger Lavinia's father did know that Matthew didn't really love Ginger Lavinia but would have been prepared – pre-tingle – to marry her anyway, the existence of Downton Place was pretty irrelevant. Why do they do these things to us? Why do they toy with our emotions and waste our time?.

The golden eyebrow award of the week

An excellent showing from a pair of guest eyebrows. What a wonderful Dickensian character was Mrs Bartlett, evil friend of Evil Vera. The most hilarious dialogue this side of a shaggy dog story. "She was in a strange mood." Pause for eyebrow fluctuation. "Jumpy. Fearful. And determined..." More frowning. Then the detail about Evil Vera making pastry and "scrubbing her nails as if she didn't care if the skin came off..." Bravura brow choreography.

Surprise character development

So Thomas has finally declared war on O'Brien. Hurrah! Even if his first salvo was ill-judged and clumsy. Although I do enjoy any plot development that employs Molesley as a patsy: "I don't want to speak out of turn..." Molesley is more gullible than Isis being shown into an abandoned wood shed in the middle of the forest (Thomas' last victim).

Thomas' fake gossip about O'Brien's departure also allowed Cora to push out her bottom lip and exhibit the priceless expression which says: "There is no greater shame for a lady than to be betrayed by her lady's maid." It's pretty much her only expression.

O'Brien's revenge is going to be swift and painful. Thomas might be evil but the Phantom Soap Positioner is in a class of her own. Bring it on – although maybe with a bit more motivation. I know I've said this before, but we still don't really know why or how O'Brien and Thomas started to fall out so badly.

Sorry, could you just repeat that rather awkward line of dialogue?

Lord Grantham: "We still own most of the village."

WHAT? Surely you could just sell most of the village and solve some of your Canadian Railway-related problems? I rather found myself thinking that if they've got loads of other assets, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if they lost Downton after all. And, Julian Fellowes, you do not want your audience thinking that.

Cousin Violet: "At my age one must ration one's excitement." Later: "Aren't you a wild thing!"

This was crying out for an X Factor soundtrack. You make my heart sing! You make everything groovy!

Cousin Isobel: "If you are a prostitute then you must know that is true for every woman who comes here to rebuild her life."

Oh, please spare us, Cousin Isobel. Also, I don't think I can take another episode of Ethel rushing onto the set and screaming, "Wait! I'm not ready to say what I came here to say! I've changed my mind!" And then rushing off again. Say your piece, Ethel. It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with adopting your child, would it?

Next week

Bates has stopped writing letters to Anna. Maybe that's because he's too busy murdering his psychotic cell-mate. Or is Bates himself the psycho in that relationship? "Tom", the chauffeur-turned-tedious-revolutinonary, has done something terrible. And Sybil is making cryptic phone calls to Edith.