Slut-shaming shames us all

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/slut-shaming-shames-us-all

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It was only a matter of time before the "slut-shaming" of some teenage girls by others became a meme; after all, it's been going on in schools for years. To those not au fait with them, memes are "units of cultural transmission"; tropes and ideas that are spread via the internet. Slut-shaming, meanwhile, is an even newer addition to the cultural lexicon. It refers to the act of making a woman feel guilt or humiliation for participating in certain sexual practices, such as having multiple sexual partners. The public condemnation of women for promiscuity is nothing new, but now, to the whispers and the sidelong glances and the gossip, we can add the easily transmissible image.

This latest meme features four shots of a young woman wearing an ironic expression accompanied by the phrase "Hey girl, did you know that …" followed by witticisms such as "your boobs go <em>inside</em> your shirt", or "you spread Nutella, not your legs". Of course, those in our twenties and beyond know that Nutella quickly becomes sickly, and that sex is fun, but when you're not yet a fully formed person you tend to take such things at face value. Teenage girls inhabit a confusing world where they're told to be both sexually liberated and chaste; they are constantly treading a tightrope of loose versus frigid, where they're damned if they do and damned if they don't. That teenagers are using the internet to exert peer pressure is no surprise, but what makes this meme different – and upsetting – is that it was created by girls with the intention of shaming other girls.

Memes reflect the world around us. The "This is why you're fat" meme of 2009, featuring photographs of foods such as the "bacon and cheese stuffed pizzaburger", subverted the handwringing of a society in the throes of an obesity epidemic. "Shit people (boys, vegans, black gays, monks) say" provided endless opportunities for observational humour as to the foibles of any imaginable social caste. In reducing human behaviour to soundbites for comic effect, memes make those laughing at the joke part of a special meta-crew – simultaneously part of the gang, and standing outside, ridiculing it.

This meme is no different. The teenage girls responsible for it have what could be construed as an alarming level of sexual awareness, and it gives them a chance to show that off while remaining "pure". I'm not a moral crusader who objects to teenage girls experimenting sexually (put them all on the pill NOW, for God's sake), but I can't deny that there is an enormous amount of pressure to fool around. By disparaging their peers on the internet for their sexual behaviour, these girls are trying to negotiate the moral tightrope: they're not inexperienced (they certainly know what you're up to and they've probably even seen pictures) but they're keen to let it be known that they're not putting it about, either. If it weren't so unpleasant, it would actually be quite clever.

The internet activity of the boys currently standing trial in the Steubenville case in the US represents a darker side to teenage slut shaming. A photograph of a girl, clearly unconscious, held upside down by her arms and legs by two boys much bigger than herself, was shared on social networking sites, accompanied by the kind of comments that both break your heart and make you sick with horror. Meanwhile, it is increasingly common for young men to convince girls to perform sex acts on camera. The images and videos are then shared among the teenage population as the "performer" is ostracised and mocked. Such behaviour has already led to suicides.

I remember how confused and lost I felt as a teenager, when I didn't know that enjoying sex didn't make you a whore. I remember how alien boys were, but how they provoked in me a desperate need to please. Someone needs to teach these kids the difference between sexual exploration and exploitation, and they need to do it now, before slut-shaming manifests itself in even crueller ways.