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| Political awards: omnishambles, reality shows and the man they couldn't sack | Political awards: omnishambles, reality shows and the man they couldn't sack |
| (about 13 hours later) | |
| Most publicity-crazed MP | Most publicity-crazed MP |
| There are joint winners. Nadine Dorries, the Tory MP who began the year by describing her party leader and chancellor as "two arrogant posh boys who show no remorse [or] contrition" and continued by appearing on ITV's I'm A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here, saying that more people watched it than voted in elections. They were certainly out in numbers to make her the first contestant voted off. | There are joint winners. Nadine Dorries, the Tory MP who began the year by describing her party leader and chancellor as "two arrogant posh boys who show no remorse [or] contrition" and continued by appearing on ITV's I'm A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here, saying that more people watched it than voted in elections. They were certainly out in numbers to make her the first contestant voted off. |
| The other winner is Labour's Keith Vaz, who celebrated his quarter-century in parliament by producing an enormous, glossy, hardback, coffee table book entitled A Journey Through 25 Incredible Years. It is entirely about Vaz and the people who have been privileged to know Vaz. I tried to count the number of pictures of Vaz in this mighty tome, but gave up having reached 61 by page 32, with 118 pages to go. | The other winner is Labour's Keith Vaz, who celebrated his quarter-century in parliament by producing an enormous, glossy, hardback, coffee table book entitled A Journey Through 25 Incredible Years. It is entirely about Vaz and the people who have been privileged to know Vaz. I tried to count the number of pictures of Vaz in this mighty tome, but gave up having reached 61 by page 32, with 118 pages to go. |
| Most heartfelt plea | Most heartfelt plea |
| The Queen, attending cabinet this week, asked for the next Queen's speech at the state opening of parliament to be "shorter, rather than longer", a request echoed by most of her subjects. | The Queen, attending cabinet this week, asked for the next Queen's speech at the state opening of parliament to be "shorter, rather than longer", a request echoed by most of her subjects. |
| Most banal quote | Most banal quote |
| Matthew Hancock, said to be a rising Tory star and already a junior minister, replying to a Labour complaint that many so-called apprenticeship schemes involved shelf-stacking and "making sandwiches". He replied: "I am in favour of sandwiches!" | Matthew Hancock, said to be a rising Tory star and already a junior minister, replying to a Labour complaint that many so-called apprenticeship schemes involved shelf-stacking and "making sandwiches". He replied: "I am in favour of sandwiches!" |
| Insults of the year | Insults of the year |
| There were many, including: | There were many, including: |
| ▶ Eric Pickles on the Lib Dems: "It still seems strange to be working with our yellow chums in government. I sit next to Vince Cable in cabinet. In private, he's not as cheerful as he seems on the telly." | ▶ Eric Pickles on the Lib Dems: "It still seems strange to be working with our yellow chums in government. I sit next to Vince Cable in cabinet. In private, he's not as cheerful as he seems on the telly." |
| ▶ Lib Dem Jo Swinson on one of her most senior colleagues: "We spend 115 days of our life laughing, 20 weeks on hold [to call centres], six months queueing, and 87 hours waiting for Simon Hughes to arrive at an event." | ▶ Lib Dem Jo Swinson on one of her most senior colleagues: "We spend 115 days of our life laughing, 20 weeks on hold [to call centres], six months queueing, and 87 hours waiting for Simon Hughes to arrive at an event." |
| ▶ George Osborne on Ed Balls: "The idea that I am going to take lessons in integrity from the man who smeared his way through 13 years of Labour government, whom half the people who served with him think was a disgrace!" Cameron on Balls: "A muttering idiot". | ▶ George Osborne on Ed Balls: "The idea that I am going to take lessons in integrity from the man who smeared his way through 13 years of Labour government, whom half the people who served with him think was a disgrace!" Cameron on Balls: "A muttering idiot". |
| ▶ Kevin Brennan MP, addressing Michael Gove on 5 November: "The secretary of state is in a good mood. Yesterday was his favourite day of the year, when he gets to put the clock back without anyone complaining." | ▶ Kevin Brennan MP, addressing Michael Gove on 5 November: "The secretary of state is in a good mood. Yesterday was his favourite day of the year, when he gets to put the clock back without anyone complaining." |
| ▶ Ed Miliband on the present administration: "Have you ever seen a more incompetent, hopeless, out-of-touch, U-turning, pledge-breaking, make-it-up-as-you-go-along, back-of-an-envelope, miserable shower?" | ▶ Ed Miliband on the present administration: "Have you ever seen a more incompetent, hopeless, out-of-touch, U-turning, pledge-breaking, make-it-up-as-you-go-along, back-of-an-envelope, miserable shower?" |
| ▶ BBC chairman Chris Patten to rightwing Tory Philip Davies, who had demanded that he published his entire work schedule. "I am not going to do a diary for you, to satisfy some populist pursuit of someone you didn't want appointed to head an organisation you don't believe should exist." | ▶ BBC chairman Chris Patten to rightwing Tory Philip Davies, who had demanded that he published his entire work schedule. "I am not going to do a diary for you, to satisfy some populist pursuit of someone you didn't want appointed to head an organisation you don't believe should exist." |
| ▶ Boris Johnson on his long-time rival: "Can I say anything good about Ken Livingstone? A long time ago he did some good things, but I can't now remember what any of them were." | ▶ Boris Johnson on his long-time rival: "Can I say anything good about Ken Livingstone? A long time ago he did some good things, but I can't now remember what any of them were." |
| Most tweeted event of the year | Most tweeted event of the year |
| Boris Johnson dancing with Samantha Cameron at the Olympics closing ceremony. | Boris Johnson dancing with Samantha Cameron at the Olympics closing ceremony. |
| Fervent reception of the year | Fervent reception of the year |
| Boris Johnson arrives at the Tory conference in Birmingham, to cheers at the station, through to an adoring fringe meeting with a larger attendance than most conference sessions. | Boris Johnson arrives at the Tory conference in Birmingham, to cheers at the station, through to an adoring fringe meeting with a larger attendance than most conference sessions. |
| Rhino hide award | Rhino hide award |
| For the minister most impossible to wound: Jeremy Hunt, who not only survived but was promoted after it turned out that his staff had sent no fewer than 163 pages of emails to News International giving them inside information about what the government planned for the BSkyB deal. Hunt claimed, successfully, that he had been entirely unaware of this. | For the minister most impossible to wound: Jeremy Hunt, who not only survived but was promoted after it turned out that his staff had sent no fewer than 163 pages of emails to News International giving them inside information about what the government planned for the BSkyB deal. Hunt claimed, successfully, that he had been entirely unaware of this. |
| Word of the year: omnishambles | Word of the year: omnishambles |
| Too many occurrences to count, but probably the worst was the budget, when the chancellor had to retreat on charity tax, caravan tax and pasty tax. David Cameron claimed to have eaten a pasty recently at a pasty stand that had closed some years before. | Too many occurrences to count, but probably the worst was the budget, when the chancellor had to retreat on charity tax, caravan tax and pasty tax. David Cameron claimed to have eaten a pasty recently at a pasty stand that had closed some years before. |
| Runner up: home secretary Theresa May, attempting to get Abu Qatada out of the country, got the wrong day for his final appeal. Having thought it was Monday, instead of Tuesday, she spent Monday night at a party with, among others, judges from The X Factor. | Runner up: home secretary Theresa May, attempting to get Abu Qatada out of the country, got the wrong day for his final appeal. Having thought it was Monday, instead of Tuesday, she spent Monday night at a party with, among others, judges from The X Factor. |
| Reincarnation of the year | Reincarnation of the year |
| Andrew Mitchell, the chief whip reviled for allegedly calling Downing Street police "plebs", appeared to be on the way to complete vindication. | Andrew Mitchell, the chief whip reviled for allegedly calling Downing Street police "plebs", appeared to be on the way to complete vindication. |
| Jargon of the year | Jargon of the year |
| A government report on reform of the civil service that included lines about "rampant gradism", "lean continuous improvement" and "demanding methodology." Introducing the report, Francis Maude said: "We need to say that, because it goes without saying." | A government report on reform of the civil service that included lines about "rampant gradism", "lean continuous improvement" and "demanding methodology." Introducing the report, Francis Maude said: "We need to say that, because it goes without saying." |
| Bad temper of the year | Bad temper of the year |
| Another joint award: to the Speaker for various attacks on backbench MPs, including "your heckling is not wanted, it does not help, stop it now and in the future" and "this juvenile delinquency must stop now!". And to David Cameron, whose face went brick-red whenever he was angry, which he often was. This was the cause of glee on the Labour front bench. But his greatest rage was off-camera, when he assailed Jesse Norman, the Tory MP behind the great Europe rebellion. He jabbed his finger at Norman, shouted at the top of his voice, accused him of lacking honour, and later sent four whips to tell him to leave the premises – something he has absolutely no right to do. | Another joint award: to the Speaker for various attacks on backbench MPs, including "your heckling is not wanted, it does not help, stop it now and in the future" and "this juvenile delinquency must stop now!". And to David Cameron, whose face went brick-red whenever he was angry, which he often was. This was the cause of glee on the Labour front bench. But his greatest rage was off-camera, when he assailed Jesse Norman, the Tory MP behind the great Europe rebellion. He jabbed his finger at Norman, shouted at the top of his voice, accused him of lacking honour, and later sent four whips to tell him to leave the premises – something he has absolutely no right to do. |
| Scariest reflection on history | Scariest reflection on history |
| Sir Peter Tapsell, warning against a change in the law permitting first-born females to inherit the throne, said: "But for the law of primogeniture, the German kaiser would also have been king of England." | Sir Peter Tapsell, warning against a change in the law permitting first-born females to inherit the throne, said: "But for the law of primogeniture, the German kaiser would also have been king of England." |
| Most improved performance | Most improved performance |
| Ed Miliband has started to deploy his lightness and wit at prime minister's questions, and now looks as if he might actually be enjoying the session. | Ed Miliband has started to deploy his lightness and wit at prime minister's questions, and now looks as if he might actually be enjoying the session. |
| Greatest select committee catastrophe | Greatest select committee catastrophe |
| Far too many, but highlights included Bob Diamond of Barclays, who apparently had no idea that his staff were fiddling the Libor rate; the team from G4S, including the chief executive, Nick Buckles , who apparently had no idea that they hadn't got enough security workers for the Olympics until it was too late; ex-BBC director general George Entwistle, who apparently had no idea that there was a problem with Jimmy Savile, and the lads from Amazon and Starbucks, who were baffled by the fact that all their profits went abroad and so were not subject to UK tax. All of them were royally roasted. | |
| Foreign award | Foreign award |
| François Hollande, the Jacques Tati of French politics, who in the first days of the Olympics came to London and pointed out that France was third in the medal table while Great Britain was 21st. By the end, Team GB had won twice as many medals as France and nearly three times as many golds. At the end of the year, wealthy French people, most notably Gérard Depardieu, were fleeing his tax regime by taking Belgian citizenship. Meanwhile, Hollande's current partner and his former partner remained at war. | François Hollande, the Jacques Tati of French politics, who in the first days of the Olympics came to London and pointed out that France was third in the medal table while Great Britain was 21st. By the end, Team GB had won twice as many medals as France and nearly three times as many golds. At the end of the year, wealthy French people, most notably Gérard Depardieu, were fleeing his tax regime by taking Belgian citizenship. Meanwhile, Hollande's current partner and his former partner remained at war. |
| Least prescient remark | Least prescient remark |
| David Cameron told Andrew Marr that he would implement the Leveson report "if it isn't bonkers". | David Cameron told Andrew Marr that he would implement the Leveson report "if it isn't bonkers". |