Bleats from a small island

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/oct/30/sketch-simon-hoggart-britain-power

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Some people's hobby is bell-ringing, or campanology. MPs prefer hand-wringing, or moaning on to no apparent purpose. This is especially true during Foreign Office questions. What a wonderful world it would be if only it were run by British MPs!

They wrung their hands about, among other countries, Sudan, South Sudan, Somalia, Swaziland, the Maldives, Syria, Palestine, Israel, Cyprus, Turkey, Afghanistan, Burma, Pakistan, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Bahrain, Ukraine, Iran, Jordan, Lebanon, Sierra Leone, Azerbaijan, Japan, Russia, China and the good old USA. Plus one or two others. And that was before they got on to Europe!

Some MPs seem to imagine that a stern word from a British foreign secretary would immediately cause a recalcitrant nation to snap to attention and mend its ways.

The Sudanese government would stop bombing its own people. Swaziland would no longer be a one-party state, Burma would suddenly cease to be ruled by an evil junta, and the ex-president of the Maldives would be guaranteed a fair trial. Women everywhere would be educated, gay people would be left in peace, illegal settlements would vanish like dandelion seeds in a stiff breeze.

But instead of sending out a small regiment to make our position clear, ministers now are reduced to "calling upon" other nations, or "seeking assurances", or insisting that they "support the rights" of minority groups. When all else fails, they "hope that countries in the region will work together to overcome their differences".

The whole session is a massive affirmation of our impotence, of our role as a global mini-power. Thank heavens for Sir Peter Tapsell, who may have the bearing of an imperial gunboat, but is probably rather more rooted in the reality of the modern world than most other, younger, more idealistic MPs. Sir Peter's questions are usually brief, even terse. But this time he had a lengthy contribution to make and had written it out – or possibly had it cast by a small foundry on to a brass palimpsest.

The gist of his contribution was that it had been a great mistake for the west to "encourage" the revolt against President Assad in Syria. Those who had risen against the regime now included the Muslim Brotherhood, al-Qaida, Hamas, various jihadists and similar ruffians.

Given that the Russians were now desperate to stop the conflict spreading to the Caucasus, should we not try to reach an agreement with them? (The joy of Sir Peter is that he may be the only MP who knows where the Caucasus is, with the exception of Rory Stewart, who has probably walked across it with only a bar of Kendal mint cake.)

William Hague has perhaps not yet realised that my enemy's enemy is not necessarily my friend, and may be even more of an enemy. He brushed Sir Peter aside – quite an achievement in itself; as easily brush aside the Churchill statue in Parliament Square – saying that the west had not "encouraged" the Syrians, who had risen up unencouraged.

Soon afterwards they got on to Europe, with a brief exchange of fire about Wednesday's debate on the EU budget. At last, something we can do something about!