This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/sep/07/french-alps-shootings-talk-children
The article has changed 6 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| How do you talk to children about tragedies like the Annecy murders? | How do you talk to children about tragedies like the Annecy murders? |
| (7 months later) | |
| Maggie Kelly's son is the same age as the little girl at the heart of the shooting tragedy in the French Alps that has dominated the headlines and the national consciousness for the last two days. | Maggie Kelly's son is the same age as the little girl at the heart of the shooting tragedy in the French Alps that has dominated the headlines and the national consciousness for the last two days. |
| Just four years old, Kelly's son is usually blissfully unaware of what is going on in the world around him. But on Friday morning, when presenters on BBC Radio 4 began discussing the orphaned girl found curled under the legs of her dead mother, Kelly felt a line had been crossed. | Just four years old, Kelly's son is usually blissfully unaware of what is going on in the world around him. But on Friday morning, when presenters on BBC Radio 4 began discussing the orphaned girl found curled under the legs of her dead mother, Kelly felt a line had been crossed. |
| "Although he wouldn't necessarily absorb what's being said in general, he is into Star Wars and superheroes, so his ears will prick up at any mention of 'shooting' and 'killing'," said Kelly. "He will then ask me about it. That's why, today, I talked loudly over the radio and jumped up to turn it off." | "Although he wouldn't necessarily absorb what's being said in general, he is into Star Wars and superheroes, so his ears will prick up at any mention of 'shooting' and 'killing'," said Kelly. "He will then ask me about it. That's why, today, I talked loudly over the radio and jumped up to turn it off." |
| Kelly is uncertain whether her response was the right one. "I think I would always try to avoid him hearing about incidents like this one, which might make him feel frightened that something horrific might happen to him and his family. But at some point he will become of aware of all sorts of horrors," she said. | Kelly is uncertain whether her response was the right one. "I think I would always try to avoid him hearing about incidents like this one, which might make him feel frightened that something horrific might happen to him and his family. But at some point he will become of aware of all sorts of horrors," she said. |
| "I guess I just want to put off the inevitable loss of innocence for as long as possible, but it's hard to know whether I'm being over-protective." | "I guess I just want to put off the inevitable loss of innocence for as long as possible, but it's hard to know whether I'm being over-protective." |
| When faced with an unresolved tragedy as extreme as the one unfolding near Annecy, even psychologists struggle to give advice about how to explain it to children. | When faced with an unresolved tragedy as extreme as the one unfolding near Annecy, even psychologists struggle to give advice about how to explain it to children. |
| Sue Minto, the head of Childline, said a parent's decision on how to react "rests on a very fine balance". | Sue Minto, the head of Childline, said a parent's decision on how to react "rests on a very fine balance". |
| "We need to help children grow up with the confidence to take chances and be independent, but we do them a disservice if we let them believe the world is a rosy place where bad things don't happen," she said. "We have a responsibility to make sure they have enough information to assess risks in the real world." | "We need to help children grow up with the confidence to take chances and be independent, but we do them a disservice if we let them believe the world is a rosy place where bad things don't happen," she said. "We have a responsibility to make sure they have enough information to assess risks in the real world." |
| Key factors to consider when deciding how, or whether, to talk to a child about such a horrific event include their ages, intellectual and cognitive abilities, emotional maturity and their general level of anxiety. These should not be underestimated, Minto said. | Key factors to consider when deciding how, or whether, to talk to a child about such a horrific event include their ages, intellectual and cognitive abilities, emotional maturity and their general level of anxiety. These should not be underestimated, Minto said. |
| The reassurance that parents give should be targeted at what their child could do in a situation of danger. | The reassurance that parents give should be targeted at what their child could do in a situation of danger. |
| "Children under the age of seven are highly vulnerable. The best they could do if they're in trouble is to tell someone or try to escape," she said. "These children should be told in a gentle way that this tragedy happened a long way away, that it won't happen to them, and that you are there to keep them safe. | "Children under the age of seven are highly vulnerable. The best they could do if they're in trouble is to tell someone or try to escape," she said. "These children should be told in a gentle way that this tragedy happened a long way away, that it won't happen to them, and that you are there to keep them safe. |
| "But they should also be told that … adults aren't always kind and can't always be trusted," she added. "Children this young also need to understand that they should always listen to their instincts and seek help if they feel scared." | "But they should also be told that … adults aren't always kind and can't always be trusted," she added. "Children this young also need to understand that they should always listen to their instincts and seek help if they feel scared." |
| Handling this particular event was more delicate with children between the ages of seven and nine, who would remember having been in a car and might, like the murdered family, have parked in an isolated picnic spot. | Handling this particular event was more delicate with children between the ages of seven and nine, who would remember having been in a car and might, like the murdered family, have parked in an isolated picnic spot. |
| "You can't pretend it's not real with children of this age," Minto said. "But they are old enough to understand relative risk. Give them lots of reassurance but put it in context: take the opportunity to tell them it's more likely they will be hurt if they don't take care when crossing the road." | "You can't pretend it's not real with children of this age," Minto said. "But they are old enough to understand relative risk. Give them lots of reassurance but put it in context: take the opportunity to tell them it's more likely they will be hurt if they don't take care when crossing the road." |
| Dr Dinah Jayson, a consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist and the author of Understanding Children's Behaviour, said children aged around 11 were old enough for adults to proactively raise the issue. Even, she said, to use it as an opportunity for philosophical discussions. | Dr Dinah Jayson, a consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist and the author of Understanding Children's Behaviour, said children aged around 11 were old enough for adults to proactively raise the issue. Even, she said, to use it as an opportunity for philosophical discussions. |
| "Listen to your children's fears about this specific case then widen the discussion out," she suggested. "Talk to them about whether someone can commit a crime but not be a bad person. Discuss how society labels people and whether someone who is otherwise 'good' can be provoked beyond reason, or by past traumas, to do something bad. Ask them whether you can break the law for 'good' reasons, such as political beliefs." | "Listen to your children's fears about this specific case then widen the discussion out," she suggested. "Talk to them about whether someone can commit a crime but not be a bad person. Discuss how society labels people and whether someone who is otherwise 'good' can be provoked beyond reason, or by past traumas, to do something bad. Ask them whether you can break the law for 'good' reasons, such as political beliefs." |
| In cases such as these, when an extreme tragedy dominates the headlines for days at a time, every parent's main concern should be to prevent their child becoming morbid or stressed, Jayson said. | In cases such as these, when an extreme tragedy dominates the headlines for days at a time, every parent's main concern should be to prevent their child becoming morbid or stressed, Jayson said. |
| "If children are living in an atmosphere where people are talking about it in an overwrought or disturbed way, then that is what they will be influenced by," she said. "The key for parents to protect their children in this, as in all situations, is for them to contain their own anxiety." | "If children are living in an atmosphere where people are talking about it in an overwrought or disturbed way, then that is what they will be influenced by," she said. "The key for parents to protect their children in this, as in all situations, is for them to contain their own anxiety." |
| guardian.co.uk today is our daily snapshot of the top news stories, sent to your inbox at 8am |