Westminster digested: it's reshuffle time!
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/aug/22/westminster-digested-reshuffle-time Version 0 of 1. <strong>Cameron:</strong> I've been thinking about having a bit of a reshuffle ... <strong>Osborne:</strong> Not me, I hope, Cams ... <strong>Cameron:</strong> Good God no, Ozzy. You've been doing an absolutely splendid job. The economy has never been in better shape, what with tax revenues tanking and the deficit increasing ... <strong>Osborne:</strong> I'm so glad you see it that way. I'm here to serve. So who is for the chop? <strong>Cameron:</strong> It can't be Govey, Hague, Heremy Junt, Lansley or Theresa. <strong>Osborne:</strong> Why not? <strong>Cameron:</strong> Because they've been doing almost as good a job as you. I promised the voters a "Britain fit for austerity" and that's what I've delivered. <strong>Osborne:</strong> How about some of the Lib Dem idiots then? <strong>Cameron:</strong> The Cleggster would kick up rough. Do you know that nearly half his party want him to stay on as leader? <strong>Osborne:</strong> That many? <strong>Cameron: </strong>Incredible, isn't it? Just goes to show you should never underestimate the stupidity of the Lib Dem grassroots. No, I was thinking of getting rid of that old fool Ken Clarke. His Hush Puppies look awfully common. <strong>Clarke:</strong> Well, I'm not going. <strong>Cameron:</strong> You are if I say so. <strong>Clarke:</strong> No, I'm not. You can't make me. <strong>Cameron:</strong> Don't make this too difficult for me, Ken. All the papers say I have got to have a reshuffle to make it look as if I have a strong grip on power, but everyone is either too useless to sack or refusing to go. At this rate, the only person I will be able to boot out is Caroline Spelman ... <strong>Clarke:</strong> Who is she? <strong>Cameron:</strong> I'm not entirely sure. But are you sure I can't tempt you to step down? <strong>Clarke:</strong> Absolutely. Now just run along, you silly little boy. <strong>Cameron:</strong> Right, OK. But just so we know who's in charge here ... <strong>Clarke:</strong> Couldn't be clearer ... <strong>Cameron:</strong> So I'm just off to do some really important stuff, like choose what honours our Olympic athletes are going to get ... <strong>Hague:</strong> Grave news sire! Ecuador has invaded Knightsbridge. <strong>Cameron: </strong>Chillax. I'm sure it's only there for the start of the Harrods sale. |