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No talking about the fight but plenty of fighting talk No talking about the fight but plenty of fighting talk
(6 days later)
It's often the way – the one thing MPs want to talk about, they are banned from talking about.It's often the way – the one thing MPs want to talk about, they are banned from talking about.
On Thursday the whole place buzzed with news of Eric Joyce, the Labour MP for Falkirk, who appears to have been involved in a fracas at the Strangers' Bar.On Thursday the whole place buzzed with news of Eric Joyce, the Labour MP for Falkirk, who appears to have been involved in a fracas at the Strangers' Bar.
Joyce used to be a major in the army. Normally if you poke your head round the door of a pub and ask: "Has the major been in?" you are referring to a moustachioed chap in tweeds bemoaning how the country has gone to the dogs, over a quiet drink. Not, apparently, in Major Joyce's case. He prefers a more interactive noggin.Joyce used to be a major in the army. Normally if you poke your head round the door of a pub and ask: "Has the major been in?" you are referring to a moustachioed chap in tweeds bemoaning how the country has gone to the dogs, over a quiet drink. Not, apparently, in Major Joyce's case. He prefers a more interactive noggin.
Still, we must be careful. The Speaker opened proceedings by saying there had been a "serious incident" on Wednesday night. Major Joyce was, he told us, still in the hoosegow. No one was to make any further reference.Still, we must be careful. The Speaker opened proceedings by saying there had been a "serious incident" on Wednesday night. Major Joyce was, he told us, still in the hoosegow. No one was to make any further reference.
I think I can say, without fear of committing contempt of court, that Major Joyce is not one of the best known MPs. Some years ago, I was on the Guardian's University Challenge: The Professionals team, and he came up in a question. I had to admit I had never heard of him, allowing Jeremy Paxman to sneer one of his inimitable sneers: "Call yourself a political correspondent, do you?"I think I can say, without fear of committing contempt of court, that Major Joyce is not one of the best known MPs. Some years ago, I was on the Guardian's University Challenge: The Professionals team, and he came up in a question. I had to admit I had never heard of him, allowing Jeremy Paxman to sneer one of his inimitable sneers: "Call yourself a political correspondent, do you?"
Nor will I risk joining the major in the slammer by pointing out that the excitement was out of all proportion. In the old days, violence among MPs was almost as common as it is on Friday night in a British city centre.Nor will I risk joining the major in the slammer by pointing out that the excitement was out of all proportion. In the old days, violence among MPs was almost as common as it is on Friday night in a British city centre.
I recall an MP, still in the Commons, who decked a Scottish reporter after he didn't like something the chap had written. Tom Swain, a former miner and fairground boxer, once slugged Norman Tebbit – at the back of the chamber, in full view of everyone. A press reception held by Eric Pickles ended in a punch-up.I recall an MP, still in the Commons, who decked a Scottish reporter after he didn't like something the chap had written. Tom Swain, a former miner and fairground boxer, once slugged Norman Tebbit – at the back of the chamber, in full view of everyone. A press reception held by Eric Pickles ended in a punch-up.
It was a lethal combination of booze and politics that caused these ructions. Family-friendly hours have calmed things down. But on Thursday, MPs, banned from actually mentioning the walloping major, were in pretty fractious mood themselves at transport questions.It was a lethal combination of booze and politics that caused these ructions. Family-friendly hours have calmed things down. But on Thursday, MPs, banned from actually mentioning the walloping major, were in pretty fractious mood themselves at transport questions.
Theresa Villiers, a junior minister, was talking about something called "fares basket flexibility", which she seemed to understand. But she nearly got into a ruck with Maria Eagle, the Labour spokesperson. She called Eagle "disingenuous", which is fighting talk in any bar, as in: "Oi! You calling me disingenuous, pal?"Theresa Villiers, a junior minister, was talking about something called "fares basket flexibility", which she seemed to understand. But she nearly got into a ruck with Maria Eagle, the Labour spokesperson. She called Eagle "disingenuous", which is fighting talk in any bar, as in: "Oi! You calling me disingenuous, pal?"
The Speaker stepped in. "I don't think we should use words such as 'disingenuous'," he said. "I am sure she [Ms Villiers] is happy to withdraw it." Which she didn't, but he thanked her anyway.The Speaker stepped in. "I don't think we should use words such as 'disingenuous'," he said. "I am sure she [Ms Villiers] is happy to withdraw it." Which she didn't, but he thanked her anyway.
What did he think might happen? Would Theresa climb across the table to thump Maria? Would Justine Greening, the transport secretary, shout: "Leave it, Trees, she's not wurf it"?What did he think might happen? Would Theresa climb across the table to thump Maria? Would Justine Greening, the transport secretary, shout: "Leave it, Trees, she's not wurf it"?
Moments later the Speaker was back in his role as Britain's most aggressive peacemaker. He addressed Therese Coffey, a Tory. "To be heckling while sitting in the chamber, while fiddling with a BlackBerry, is just rank discourtesy!" he told her. "It is so obvious!"Moments later the Speaker was back in his role as Britain's most aggressive peacemaker. He addressed Therese Coffey, a Tory. "To be heckling while sitting in the chamber, while fiddling with a BlackBerry, is just rank discourtesy!" he told her. "It is so obvious!"
There was a moment when I thought – even hoped – he would add: "Or I'll ram your sodding BlackBerry down your sodding froat!" But he didn't.There was a moment when I thought – even hoped – he would add: "Or I'll ram your sodding BlackBerry down your sodding froat!" But he didn't.
• This article was amended on 28 February 2012. The original photo caption said that Theresa Villiers nearly got into a ruck with Angela Eagle. This has been corrected.