By Dominic Casciani BBC News Amid a slew of recent memoirs about coming of age in post-war Britain, Imran Ahmed brings something new to the table - the growing pains of a young man coming to terms with girls, nylon trousers and being a good Muslim.
By Dominic Casciani BBC News Amid a slew of recent memoirs about coming of age in post-war Britain, Imran Ahmed brings something new to the table - the growing pains of a young man coming to terms with girls, nylon trousers and being a good Muslim.
It all started to go wrong for Imran Ahmad at the Karachi Bonnie Baby competition. Despite his raised eyebrow and suave suit (see picture above) he is devastated to be placed second by the judge, who has given first prize to the competition organiser's child.
It all started to go wrong for Imran Ahmad at the Karachi Bonnie Baby competition. Despite his raised eyebrow and suave suit (see picture above) he is devastated to be placed second by the judge, who has given first prize to the competition organiser's child.
"It's absolutely typical of the third world," recalls Ahmad, referring to the inherent low-level corruption. And fortunately for him, his family soon take a chance on a new future in England.
"It's absolutely typical of the third world," recalls Ahmad, referring to the inherent low-level corruption. And fortunately for him, his family soon take a chance on a new future in England.
Years later, and now a very grown up Home Counties professional, Ahmad has published his memoir of a 1960s and 70s childhood and coming of age, Unimagined.
Years later, and now a very grown up Home Counties professional, Ahmad has published his memoir of a 1960s and 70s childhood and coming of age, Unimagined.
CHASING GIRLS Vicky decides to start guessing things about me... she deduces what type of underpants I wear (plain Y-fronts). I think she wants to go to bed with me! But I'm not sure Ahmad at university (she doesn't)
CHASING GIRLS Vicky decides to start guessing things about me... she deduces what type of underpants I wear (plain Y-fronts). I think she wants to go to bed with me! But I'm not sure Ahmad at university (she doesn't)
When it comes to girls, he yearns to be James Bond. But he fears they think he is an Asian Mr Spock from Star Trek, all Islamic logic and aloofness.
When it comes to girls, he yearns to be James Bond. But he fears they think he is an Asian Mr Spock from Star Trek, all Islamic logic and aloofness.
In one toe-curling episode he tries to woo Janice, the girl of his dreams at university by writing songs with his best friend. The lyrics are dreadful - it's almost embarrassing to read, holding a mirror up to each of our own teenage crushes.
In one toe-curling episode he tries to woo Janice, the girl of his dreams at university by writing songs with his best friend. The lyrics are dreadful - it's almost embarrassing to read, holding a mirror up to each of our own teenage crushes.
But Ahmad's story is not just a tale of growing pains. The book's title refers to the fact that his personal happiness and success as an ordinary British citizen were unimaginable to his parents when they arrived in a troubled decade of casual racism.
But Ahmad's story is not just a tale of growing pains. The book's title refers to the fact that his personal happiness and success as an ordinary British citizen were unimaginable to his parents when they arrived in a troubled decade of casual racism.
And amid the book's Life On Mars accounts of nylon trousers and kipper ties, it says something about how British society has fared in integrating Muslims - and how British Muslims themselves regard their society.
And amid the book's Life On Mars accounts of nylon trousers and kipper ties, it says something about how British society has fared in integrating Muslims - and how British Muslims themselves regard their society.
Ahmad's story is his own spiritual struggle - to be a good Muslim because of his heritage and to be a perfect English gent because of his reality.
Ahmad's story is his own spiritual struggle - to be a good Muslim because of his heritage and to be a perfect English gent because of his reality.
And in recounting these years, he hopes to contribute something beyond whimsical tales of dodgy second hand cars that don't quite deliver him the pulling power with the ladies.
And in recounting these years, he hopes to contribute something beyond whimsical tales of dodgy second hand cars that don't quite deliver him the pulling power with the ladies.
Getting to know you
Getting to know you
"I feel this is a book that re-humanises Muslims in the eyes of the rest of society - but also re-humanises the rest of society for some Muslims. We are dealing with a lot of problems," he says.
"I feel this is a book that re-humanises Muslims in the eyes of the rest of society - but also re-humanises the rest of society for some Muslims. We are dealing with a lot of problems," he says.
These people who are trying to tell us what is or what is not Islamic are putting their intellect on hold - there is more than one way to be a Muslim Imran Ahmad Ahmad argues that the West's perception of what it is to be Muslim has narrowed - but also that many Muslims have narrowed their perception of what it is to be Islamic.
These people who are trying to tell us what is or what is not Islamic are putting their intellect on hold - there is more than one way to be a Muslim Imran Ahmad Ahmad argues that the West's perception of what it is to be Muslim has narrowed - but also that many Muslims have narrowed their perception of what it is to be Islamic.
"We see Muslims as one single unified community which is just nonsense. Islamic communities and Muslims exist on a very broad spectrum; just as there is no single definition of Muslim, there is no single definition of the West and we have to start getting beyond these tribal ideas."
"We see Muslims as one single unified community which is just nonsense. Islamic communities and Muslims exist on a very broad spectrum; just as there is no single definition of Muslim, there is no single definition of the West and we have to start getting beyond these tribal ideas."
In the memoir, Ahmad recalls how a conservative student comes to dominate the Islamic prayer circle at his university. Hakim predicts hellfire and damnation, just like the Christian Evangelicals who dog Ahmad in the dorm corridors.
In the memoir, Ahmad recalls how a conservative student comes to dominate the Islamic prayer circle at his university. Hakim predicts hellfire and damnation, just like the Christian Evangelicals who dog Ahmad in the dorm corridors.
The preacher berates young men for un-Islamic fraternising with women. Ahmad knows he is the object of this lecture.
The preacher berates young men for un-Islamic fraternising with women. Ahmad knows he is the object of this lecture.
"That was the time when I was most uncomfortable, trying my hardest to work out how I should behave and be a good Muslim," he says.
"That was the time when I was most uncomfortable, trying my hardest to work out how I should behave and be a good Muslim," he says.
"I didn't believe what the preacher was telling me - I was so angry. For the life of me I just couldn't see why it was wrong to have a coffee with a girl and treat her as a friend and fellow human being. Surely that is Islamic behaviour?"
"I didn't believe what the preacher was telling me - I was so angry. For the life of me I just couldn't see why it was wrong to have a coffee with a girl and treat her as a friend and fellow human being. Surely that is Islamic behaviour?"
The preacher was from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire, home to a tradition of conservative Islamic thinking in the UK. Dewsbury was also the home town of Mohammed Sidique Khan, the leader of the 2005 London suicide bombers, a man who saw no meeting points between Muslims and wider society.
The preacher was from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire, home to a tradition of conservative Islamic thinking in the UK. Dewsbury was also the home town of Mohammed Sidique Khan, the leader of the 2005 London suicide bombers, a man who saw no meeting points between Muslims and wider society.
"I can now understand why someone [like Mohammed Sidique Khan] who has such a distorted view of interactions with women ends up so repressed that the idea of 72 virgins in paradise becomes attractive," says Ahmad.
"I can now understand why someone [like Mohammed Sidique Khan] who has such a distorted view of interactions with women ends up so repressed that the idea of 72 virgins in paradise becomes attractive," says Ahmad.
Unofficial manifesto
Unofficial manifesto
Unimagined may be a whimsical memoir - but it reads as an unofficial manifesto of sorts for British Muslims for Secular Democracy, a small organisation of which Imran Ahmad is a trustee.
Unimagined may be a whimsical memoir - but it reads as an unofficial manifesto of sorts for British Muslims for Secular Democracy, a small organisation of which Imran Ahmad is a trustee.
My parents don't represent all Muslims originating from the Indian subcontinent, too many of 'our people' are confused by what Islam is, assuming that it must be the most puritan Arab way of life Imran Ahmad in Unimagined The group says it opposes self-appointed community leaders who believe they have the right to speak for Muslims - when what they really are doing is telling Muslims what to think. The result, says Ahmad, is regressive "community states" that hold people back by, he claims, forcing people to adopt Arab practices.
My parents don't represent all Muslims originating from the Indian subcontinent, too many of 'our people' are confused by what Islam is, assuming that it must be the most puritan Arab way of life Imran Ahmad in Unimagined The group says it opposes self-appointed community leaders who believe they have the right to speak for Muslims - when what they really are doing is telling Muslims what to think. The result, says Ahmad, is regressive "community states" that hold people back by, he claims, forcing people to adopt Arab practices.
The organisation argues that if Muslims can critically focus on the core beliefs of Islam and the core ethics of Western societies, then there is an awful lot in common.
The organisation argues that if Muslims can critically focus on the core beliefs of Islam and the core ethics of Western societies, then there is an awful lot in common.
If there is any chance of challenging the violent "jihadi" ideology of the world's Osama bin Ladens, then it may lie in this critical reasoning and renaissance of ideas, says Ahmad.
If there is any chance of challenging the violent "jihadi" ideology of the world's Osama bin Ladens, then it may lie in this critical reasoning and renaissance of ideas, says Ahmad.
"Take the Islamic beard issue," he says. "The Prophet Mohammed had a beard. So people say you must have a beard to be a good Muslim. But he didn't have a mobile phone, did he? He didn't drive either. So should we use one or not? These people who are trying to tell us what is or what is not Islamic are putting their intellect on hold. There is more than one way to be a Muslim."
"Take the Islamic beard issue," he says. "The Prophet Mohammed had a beard. So people say you must have a beard to be a good Muslim. But he didn't have a mobile phone, did he? He didn't drive either. So should we use one or not? These people who are trying to tell us what is or what is not Islamic are putting their intellect on hold. There is more than one way to be a Muslim."
Differences, he argues, are not always as they appear when we are living with exaggeration and fear.
Differences, he argues, are not always as they appear when we are living with exaggeration and fear.
Back at grammar school, Ahmad is kept out of RE classes which focus on Christ's teachings. So when he is accidentally given the end-of-term paper on the New Testament, he completes it for a bit of a laugh.
Back at grammar school, Ahmad is kept out of RE classes which focus on Christ's teachings. So when he is accidentally given the end-of-term paper on the New Testament, he completes it for a bit of a laugh.
The lad with the strange name and stranger faith comes second-top of the class. His teachers had not realised how important Jesus is in Islam.
The lad with the strange name and stranger faith comes second-top of the class. His teachers had not realised how important Jesus is in Islam.
And like any other British school boy who's just got one over the teacher, he goes home, with a smile brimming from ear to ear.
And like any other British school boy who's just got one over the teacher, he goes home, with a smile brimming from ear to ear.
Unimagined is published by Aurum Press.
Unimagined is published by Aurum Press.
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