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| Family tensions and splitting the cost: Navigating awkward Christmas moments | |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Whether it's opening presents or the long-awaited Christmas dinner, the festive season involves plenty of things that could go wrong. | Whether it's opening presents or the long-awaited Christmas dinner, the festive season involves plenty of things that could go wrong. |
| It's the little things that count at this time of year - and your etiquette is no exception. | It's the little things that count at this time of year - and your etiquette is no exception. |
| The BBC has chatted with experts about potentially awkward moments you might face over the next few days, so you can try to avoid them. | The BBC has chatted with experts about potentially awkward moments you might face over the next few days, so you can try to avoid them. |
| A common festive issue is getting a present you do not like. Is it best to tell the person who gave it to you, or lie that you love it? | A common festive issue is getting a present you do not like. Is it best to tell the person who gave it to you, or lie that you love it? |
| It depends on how well you know the person who gave you the gift, according to Rupert Wesson from professional coaching company Debrett's. | It depends on how well you know the person who gave you the gift, according to Rupert Wesson from professional coaching company Debrett's. |
| To lie - or not to lie | To lie - or not to lie |
| "There are some people [to whom] you can say the gift isn't for you, and for some you have to smile and tell them a little white lie that you like it," he tells the BBC. | "There are some people [to whom] you can say the gift isn't for you, and for some you have to smile and tell them a little white lie that you like it," he tells the BBC. |
| But whatever you do, "don't make a funny face" at the gift when you open it, warns etiquette coach Laura Windsor. | But whatever you do, "don't make a funny face" at the gift when you open it, warns etiquette coach Laura Windsor. |
| "Just pretend you do [like it], and make a little comment on how useful the gift will be," she says. "The etiquette is always to be kind." | "Just pretend you do [like it], and make a little comment on how useful the gift will be," she says. "The etiquette is always to be kind." |
| Both etiquette coaches say it's fine to give an unwanted present to charity or re-gift it for someone else in the future. | Both etiquette coaches say it's fine to give an unwanted present to charity or re-gift it for someone else in the future. |
| Mr Wesson suggests you should "always" keep a gift receipt when buying a present just in case - and he has these words of reassurance: "We can't all be perfect at buying exactly the right thing." | Mr Wesson suggests you should "always" keep a gift receipt when buying a present just in case - and he has these words of reassurance: "We can't all be perfect at buying exactly the right thing." |
| Open up about the cost | Open up about the cost |
| While the cost of turkey and Brussels sprouts have gone down this year, the price of root vegetables have gone up and some families are feeling the pinch this winter. | While the cost of turkey and Brussels sprouts have gone down this year, the price of root vegetables have gone up and some families are feeling the pinch this winter. |
| Ms Windsor advises that you can make a "Christmas pot" that everyone contributes to ahead of the big day. | Ms Windsor advises that you can make a "Christmas pot" that everyone contributes to ahead of the big day. |
| Alternatively, she says you could ask each guest - or family member - to buy an item of food or drink each. | Alternatively, she says you could ask each guest - or family member - to buy an item of food or drink each. |
| "There's no shame in this day and age in saying: 'I'm getting people together for Christmas, would you be able to provide this?'," Mr Wesson adds. | "There's no shame in this day and age in saying: 'I'm getting people together for Christmas, would you be able to provide this?'," Mr Wesson adds. |
| Stay upbeat - and avoid certain subjects | Stay upbeat - and avoid certain subjects |
| Sometimes petty arguments can flare up when the whole family is together - perhaps having eaten or drank too much. | Sometimes petty arguments can flare up when the whole family is together - perhaps having eaten or drank too much. |
| Ms Windsor says "don't take it personally, just try to smooth it over," adding that you should not give people the "power to keep them complaining". | Ms Windsor says "don't take it personally, just try to smooth it over," adding that you should not give people the "power to keep them complaining". |
| She advises to try and change the topic of conversation, but to avoid difficult subjects. | She advises to try and change the topic of conversation, but to avoid difficult subjects. |
| "You've got to keep the conversation upbeat." | "You've got to keep the conversation upbeat." |
| If there are any existing tensions among the guests ahead of 25 December, Mr Wesson suggests attempting to address them upfront when you're putting together your plans before Christmas Day. | If there are any existing tensions among the guests ahead of 25 December, Mr Wesson suggests attempting to address them upfront when you're putting together your plans before Christmas Day. |
| "Almost make the invitation [to guests or extended family] conditional that someone isn't going to kick off," he says. | "Almost make the invitation [to guests or extended family] conditional that someone isn't going to kick off," he says. |
| Is it possible to say 'thank you' too much? | Is it possible to say 'thank you' too much? |
| Ms Windsor advises against saying "thank you" to the host too much as it "loses its value". | Ms Windsor advises against saying "thank you" to the host too much as it "loses its value". |
| She suggests showing your appreciation to the host in other ways, including offering to help them with anything, bringing a gift for them - such as a bottle of wine or a plant - and mingling with other guests. | She suggests showing your appreciation to the host in other ways, including offering to help them with anything, bringing a gift for them - such as a bottle of wine or a plant - and mingling with other guests. |
| "Mix it up a bit by complimenting them on the quality of the food," Mr Wesson says. | "Mix it up a bit by complimenting them on the quality of the food," Mr Wesson says. |
| "Appreciation of how good the food is goes a long way." | "Appreciation of how good the food is goes a long way." |
| Both etiquette experts advise sending a thank you note to the host after Christmas Day which is something that Mr Wesson calls "the gold standard of thank yous". | Both etiquette experts advise sending a thank you note to the host after Christmas Day which is something that Mr Wesson calls "the gold standard of thank yous". |
| Be upfront about dietary requirements | Be upfront about dietary requirements |
| If you have dietary requirements, such as being vegetarian or vegan, let whoever is hosting your Christmas dinner know ahead of time and not on 25 December, Ms Windsor stresses. | If you have dietary requirements, such as being vegetarian or vegan, let whoever is hosting your Christmas dinner know ahead of time and not on 25 December, Ms Windsor stresses. |
| "It's about prevention, preventing discord - everything has to be organised beforehand," she says. | "It's about prevention, preventing discord - everything has to be organised beforehand," she says. |
| Mr Wesson adds: "It does fall to the host to really identify what the requirements are and then the host can plan." | Mr Wesson adds: "It does fall to the host to really identify what the requirements are and then the host can plan." |
| Ms Windsor says that if there is any tension between people about the dietary requirements, "be empathetic" but stop the conversation. | Ms Windsor says that if there is any tension between people about the dietary requirements, "be empathetic" but stop the conversation. |
| "If they make a non-cordial remark, don't take it to heart." | "If they make a non-cordial remark, don't take it to heart." |
| The Christmas dinner rules | The Christmas dinner rules |
| If your stomach is growling for Christmas dinner and you're growing impatient at how long it's taking to cook, Mr Wesson suggests you could offer to help. | If your stomach is growling for Christmas dinner and you're growing impatient at how long it's taking to cook, Mr Wesson suggests you could offer to help. |
| "Then you're going to find the lay of the land and maybe suggest we can share something [to eat ahead of Christmas dinner]," he says. | "Then you're going to find the lay of the land and maybe suggest we can share something [to eat ahead of Christmas dinner]," he says. |
| But when you're finally tucking into the dinner, what do you do if you don't like it? | But when you're finally tucking into the dinner, what do you do if you don't like it? |
| Say "yes" when asked if you're enjoying the food, Ms Windsor says. | Say "yes" when asked if you're enjoying the food, Ms Windsor says. |
| "If you don't want to eat it, leave it," she adds - and you could always just say you've "had enough" to eat. | "If you don't want to eat it, leave it," she adds - and you could always just say you've "had enough" to eat. |
| Mr Wesson advises to "try and draw as little attention" as possible to the fact you are not eating the meal. | Mr Wesson advises to "try and draw as little attention" as possible to the fact you are not eating the meal. |
| To prevent this situation happening, try to see if the host will let everyone plate up their own food and then "don't pile too much on" in case you dislike it. | To prevent this situation happening, try to see if the host will let everyone plate up their own food and then "don't pile too much on" in case you dislike it. |
| What to do if cards and gifts arrive after Christmas | What to do if cards and gifts arrive after Christmas |
| Work, childcare, school - lots of things in life can get in the way and cause you to miss the cut-off date for sending Christmas cards and presents in time for 25 December. | Work, childcare, school - lots of things in life can get in the way and cause you to miss the cut-off date for sending Christmas cards and presents in time for 25 December. |
| Ms Windsor says organisation is "very, very important" because it shows that "you've put a lot of thought and put in the time and effort to make sure they get it in time for Christmas". | Ms Windsor says organisation is "very, very important" because it shows that "you've put a lot of thought and put in the time and effort to make sure they get it in time for Christmas". |
| However, she says that you have to "take into account people's daily situation". | However, she says that you have to "take into account people's daily situation". |
| Mr Wesson says that "better late than never is the way ahead" but advises people to send a message to whoever the card or present is addressed to, letting them know it is on the way and apologise for the lateness. | Mr Wesson says that "better late than never is the way ahead" but advises people to send a message to whoever the card or present is addressed to, letting them know it is on the way and apologise for the lateness. |
| 'The golden rule' | 'The golden rule' |
| Christmas Day all comes down to preparation - both organising the day and planning around family relationships, Mr Wesson says. | Christmas Day all comes down to preparation - both organising the day and planning around family relationships, Mr Wesson says. |
| "It's trying to expect the best but also accept the possibility things might go a little awry," he says. | "It's trying to expect the best but also accept the possibility things might go a little awry," he says. |
| "Often these things aren't really that serious and often doesn't ruin the whole day." | "Often these things aren't really that serious and often doesn't ruin the whole day." |
| "The golden rule: treat others as you'd like to be treated," Ms Windsor adds. "You won't go wrong with that." | "The golden rule: treat others as you'd like to be treated," Ms Windsor adds. "You won't go wrong with that." |