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| I'm not stupid, I've chosen to speak, says catfish victim duped for nine years | I'm not stupid, I've chosen to speak, says catfish victim duped for nine years |
| (1 day later) | |
| Kirat Assi was catfished for nearly nine years | Kirat Assi was catfished for nearly nine years |
| It all started with a friend request. | It all started with a friend request. |
| Kirat Assi thought she'd hit the jackpot when Bobby, a handsome cardiologist, got in touch with her in 2009. | Kirat Assi thought she'd hit the jackpot when Bobby, a handsome cardiologist, got in touch with her in 2009. |
| He wasn't a total stranger. The pair were both from west London's Sikh community and had friends in common. | He wasn't a total stranger. The pair were both from west London's Sikh community and had friends in common. |
| So, Kirat accepted, and her online chats developed into deeper conversations before blossoming into a full-on love story. | So, Kirat accepted, and her online chats developed into deeper conversations before blossoming into a full-on love story. |
| The two became more and more entangled in each other's lives but they never met, even after years of correspondence. | The two became more and more entangled in each other's lives but they never met, even after years of correspondence. |
| Bobby would provide increasingly outlandish excuses. He'd had a stroke. He'd been shot. He had entered witness protection. | Bobby would provide increasingly outlandish excuses. He'd had a stroke. He'd been shot. He had entered witness protection. |
| The tall tales, though, were always backed up by someone close to Bobby - or so Kirat thought. | The tall tales, though, were always backed up by someone close to Bobby - or so Kirat thought. |
| In truth, she was the victim of a wildly elaborate and traumatising catfishing scheme. | In truth, she was the victim of a wildly elaborate and traumatising catfishing scheme. |
| After nine years, when the excuses ran thin, Kirat finally came face-to-face with Bobby. | After nine years, when the excuses ran thin, Kirat finally came face-to-face with Bobby. |
| But she didn't recognise the person in front of her. | But she didn't recognise the person in front of her. |
| The person she'd been messaging was her female cousin, Simran, who had been the brains behind everything. | The person she'd been messaging was her female cousin, Simran, who had been the brains behind everything. |
| Looking back now, Kirat asks herself: "How could you have been so stupid?" | Looking back now, Kirat asks herself: "How could you have been so stupid?" |
| Kirat's shocking story was a hit for podcast maker Tortoise in 2021. You can listen to that on BBC Sounds here. Now, three years on, Netflix has recently released a documentary which features her recounting her experience. | Kirat's shocking story was a hit for podcast maker Tortoise in 2021. You can listen to that on BBC Sounds here. Now, three years on, Netflix has recently released a documentary which features her recounting her experience. |
| She says that telling her story has prompted others to ask the same question: "How can somebody fall for that?" | She says that telling her story has prompted others to ask the same question: "How can somebody fall for that?" |
| It's also prompted abuse from some people online. | It's also prompted abuse from some people online. |
| "For people who might still think I'm stupid. That's fine, you’re allowed your opinion," she tells BBC Asian Network News. | "For people who might still think I'm stupid. That's fine, you’re allowed your opinion," she tells BBC Asian Network News. |
| But Kirat says people shouldn't make assumptions - and countering these was partly what prompted her to tell her story. | But Kirat says people shouldn't make assumptions - and countering these was partly what prompted her to tell her story. |
| "I'm not stupid, I'm not dumb. I'm the one that's chosen to speak. | "I'm not stupid, I'm not dumb. I'm the one that's chosen to speak. |
| "I'm the one that's put myself out in the firing line and I hope others will come forward," she says. | "I'm the one that's put myself out in the firing line and I hope others will come forward," she says. |
| Which prompts another question: Why would someone who'd been duped in this way put themselves in the public eye? | Which prompts another question: Why would someone who'd been duped in this way put themselves in the public eye? |
| LISTEN: Kirat Assi's full interview with BBC Asian Network | |
| The documentary hears from the "real Bobby" | The documentary hears from the "real Bobby" |
| 'We have responsibilities towards our community' | 'We have responsibilities towards our community' |
| Kirat, who's from a Punjabi background, says speaking out was important because she wanted to challenge stigmas in the South Asian community. | Kirat, who's from a Punjabi background, says speaking out was important because she wanted to challenge stigmas in the South Asian community. |
| "We are so scared to open up about these issues," she says. | "We are so scared to open up about these issues," she says. |
| "Because of how a community will be seen by wider society, the victims in our communities keep suffering." | "Because of how a community will be seen by wider society, the victims in our communities keep suffering." |
| Kirat says her dad's reaction to her story is a good example of what she means. | Kirat says her dad's reaction to her story is a good example of what she means. |
| "He doesn't want to know what happened," she says. | "He doesn't want to know what happened," she says. |
| "Because to face up to what happened, and how horrific it was, it's going to be painful. | "Because to face up to what happened, and how horrific it was, it's going to be painful. |
| "I love my dad and I know my dad loves me," she says, adding: "It's a different set of values that he has been brought up with." | "I love my dad and I know my dad loves me," she says, adding: "It's a different set of values that he has been brought up with." |
| Kirat says she hasn't spoken directly to "the real Bobby" about what happened, and puts this down to the community’s reluctance to have difficult conversations. | Kirat says she hasn't spoken directly to "the real Bobby" about what happened, and puts this down to the community’s reluctance to have difficult conversations. |
| She wonders if her experience would have been the same if she'd come from another background. | She wonders if her experience would have been the same if she'd come from another background. |
| "I'd be making different decisions," she says. | "I'd be making different decisions," she says. |
| "Because we have responsibilities towards our community. You have the pressure of family." | "Because we have responsibilities towards our community. You have the pressure of family." |
| Kirat feels there is a fear in South Asian communities to talk about vulnerable issues | Kirat feels there is a fear in South Asian communities to talk about vulnerable issues |
| 'I don't carry the victim mentality' | 'I don't carry the victim mentality' |
| Despite some negative reactions to the re-tellings of Sweet Bobby, Kirat says she would rather deal with questions up-front. | Despite some negative reactions to the re-tellings of Sweet Bobby, Kirat says she would rather deal with questions up-front. |
| "If you do see me, don't be scared to approach me," she says. | "If you do see me, don't be scared to approach me," she says. |
| "And if you want to say something which might be controversial to me, it's OK. | "And if you want to say something which might be controversial to me, it's OK. |
| "Let's have a discussion about it," she says. | "Let's have a discussion about it," she says. |
| When Kirat's asked if speaking to podcast or documentary producers has given her a sense of closure, she's less certain. | When Kirat's asked if speaking to podcast or documentary producers has given her a sense of closure, she's less certain. |
| Simran rejected offers to be involved in the documentary, where she's played by an actress. | Simran rejected offers to be involved in the documentary, where she's played by an actress. |
| Kirat successfully brought civil action against her cousin, receiving compensation and an apology at the end of the case. | Kirat successfully brought civil action against her cousin, receiving compensation and an apology at the end of the case. |
| A statement from Simran included in the show says: "This matter involves events that began when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a private matter and strongly objects to what she describes as numerous unfounded and damaging accusations." | A statement from Simran included in the show says: "This matter involves events that began when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a private matter and strongly objects to what she describes as numerous unfounded and damaging accusations." |
| Kirat says Simran hasn't faced any criminal charges, and wants her to be held accountable. | Kirat says Simran hasn't faced any criminal charges, and wants her to be held accountable. |
| "I'm not OK with that person being out there," says Kirat. | "I'm not OK with that person being out there," says Kirat. |
| There's another question that she's no closer to answering: Why? | There's another question that she's no closer to answering: Why? |
| Kirat doesn’t think she will ever truly find out what drove the campaign against her. | Kirat doesn’t think she will ever truly find out what drove the campaign against her. |
| "I think I've long given up," she says. | "I think I've long given up," she says. |
| "The extent to which that person went, you can't ever justify it. | "The extent to which that person went, you can't ever justify it. |
| "I can't understand why you didn't stop… what gave you pleasure from hearing somebody in pain." | "I can't understand why you didn't stop… what gave you pleasure from hearing somebody in pain." |
| But not having answers is not stopping her from moving forward with life, including dating again. | But not having answers is not stopping her from moving forward with life, including dating again. |
| "I'm working really hard, harder than I should have to right now to rebuild my life and career," she says. | "I'm working really hard, harder than I should have to right now to rebuild my life and career," she says. |
| "I don't carry the victim mentality around with me. I don't want to be that person. | "I don't carry the victim mentality around with me. I don't want to be that person. |
| "I'm going to carry on working towards goals and dreams." | "I'm going to carry on working towards goals and dreams." |
| Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is available to watch on Netflix. | Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is available to watch on Netflix. |
| Listen to Ankur Desai's show on BBC Asian Network live from 15:00-18:00 Monday to Thursday - or listen back here. | Listen to Ankur Desai's show on BBC Asian Network live from 15:00-18:00 Monday to Thursday - or listen back here. |