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| Zero-sum game | Zero-sum game |
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| Next week is London Fashion Week and catwalks again will be full of skinny models. So what does a "size zero" diet do to you? Dawn Porter (right) went on a crash slimming course and found a perverse, and worrying, comfort in her misery. | Next week is London Fashion Week and catwalks again will be full of skinny models. So what does a "size zero" diet do to you? Dawn Porter (right) went on a crash slimming course and found a perverse, and worrying, comfort in her misery. |
| When I decided to take on the gruesome task of a starvation diet, I was ignorant to believe that hunger would be my only challenge. The hunger actually became a sick comfort to me, a reassurance that I was doing the "right" thing. | When I decided to take on the gruesome task of a starvation diet, I was ignorant to believe that hunger would be my only challenge. The hunger actually became a sick comfort to me, a reassurance that I was doing the "right" thing. |
| Countdown to zero: read Dawn's diet diary | Countdown to zero: read Dawn's diet diary |
| But the depression, the loneliness, and the chronic insomnia were the side effects of a dangerously low calorie diet, that made me worry I had flicked a mental switch, that I would never be able to turn back. | But the depression, the loneliness, and the chronic insomnia were the side effects of a dangerously low calorie diet, that made me worry I had flicked a mental switch, that I would never be able to turn back. |
| Since as long as I can remember I have been a size 12; 5ft 9ins, with really skinny legs, narrow shoulders, reasonably large boobs, a small bum and a sticky out belly, which continued in motion a little longer than I would have liked, after every step that I took. | Since as long as I can remember I have been a size 12; 5ft 9ins, with really skinny legs, narrow shoulders, reasonably large boobs, a small bum and a sticky out belly, which continued in motion a little longer than I would have liked, after every step that I took. |
| I am the consummate "apple" shape; a walking, talking Granny Smith, but with enough height to disguise myself as a banana, if I wore a short enough skirt and a clever enough top. | I am the consummate "apple" shape; a walking, talking Granny Smith, but with enough height to disguise myself as a banana, if I wore a short enough skirt and a clever enough top. |
| Dawn's diet was the focus of a BBC programmeBut where is the line between looking one's best, and taking the whole obsessive body image thing just a touch too far? | Dawn's diet was the focus of a BBC programmeBut where is the line between looking one's best, and taking the whole obsessive body image thing just a touch too far? |
| The recent "size zero" phenomenon (an American creation which actually translates as a UK size four), gleefully promoted by freakishly large-headed celebs, seems to have spawned a frightening increase in young girls developing eating disorders, as they associate "skinny" with "success". | The recent "size zero" phenomenon (an American creation which actually translates as a UK size four), gleefully promoted by freakishly large-headed celebs, seems to have spawned a frightening increase in young girls developing eating disorders, as they associate "skinny" with "success". |
| What happened to making it in life using talent and charm? | What happened to making it in life using talent and charm? |
| How could I show the hoards of young girls what starving themselves actually means; that the short term "gain" of a stick thin frame, had long term detrimental side effects? | How could I show the hoards of young girls what starving themselves actually means; that the short term "gain" of a stick thin frame, had long term detrimental side effects? |
| I did the unthinkable, and road-tested the size zero lifestyle myself. | I did the unthinkable, and road-tested the size zero lifestyle myself. |
| Just over eight weeks ago, I introduced a totally new concept of eating into my life, that being - not eating. I decided to go from my usual 1,500 calories a day to an absolute maximum of 500. | Just over eight weeks ago, I introduced a totally new concept of eating into my life, that being - not eating. I decided to go from my usual 1,500 calories a day to an absolute maximum of 500. |
| By day one I was having headaches, mood swings and demonstrating weird obsessive behaviour... and that was before lunch! | By day one I was having headaches, mood swings and demonstrating weird obsessive behaviour... and that was before lunch! |
| The hunger never goes, but you begin to enjoy it, trust it, and rely on it Dawn Porter Everyone knows how they feel when they haven't eaten: moody, groggy, low energy. Well picture that a million times more intense, as it increases with every day that passes. | The hunger never goes, but you begin to enjoy it, trust it, and rely on it Dawn Porter Everyone knows how they feel when they haven't eaten: moody, groggy, low energy. Well picture that a million times more intense, as it increases with every day that passes. |
| Life becomes a struggle with temptation, and a battle of self will. An unhealthy obsession with food is the only way to deal with the painstaking monotony of daily life. | |
| The hunger never goes. But you begin to enjoy it, trust it, work with it and rely on it. When your goal is to be thin, the hunger is your best friend. | The hunger never goes. But you begin to enjoy it, trust it, work with it and rely on it. When your goal is to be thin, the hunger is your best friend. |
| It's the only thing that assures you that you are working hard enough, because no matter how many ribs you can see in the mirror, it is never enough. There is always further to go. | It's the only thing that assures you that you are working hard enough, because no matter how many ribs you can see in the mirror, it is never enough. There is always further to go. |
| When I began this journey I was 10st 7lbs, and had a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) of 22. In just 8 weeks I shot down 17lbs, and reached an unhealthy BMI of 19, which meant that just half a stone more and I would have been so worryingly thin, that some countries would have banned me from the catwalk. | When I began this journey I was 10st 7lbs, and had a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) of 22. In just 8 weeks I shot down 17lbs, and reached an unhealthy BMI of 19, which meant that just half a stone more and I would have been so worryingly thin, that some countries would have banned me from the catwalk. |
| Sickness risk | Sickness risk |
| My weekly assessments with my doctor revealed my magnesium and potassium levels plummeted to worrying levels, as did my white blood cell count, and my antioxidant levels. I had increased my chances of contracting serious conditions such as tuberculosis, and dangerously increased my risks of getting cancer. | My weekly assessments with my doctor revealed my magnesium and potassium levels plummeted to worrying levels, as did my white blood cell count, and my antioxidant levels. I had increased my chances of contracting serious conditions such as tuberculosis, and dangerously increased my risks of getting cancer. |
| My mood swings were uncontrollable. Despite my doctor's advice to eat properly, I continued. | My mood swings were uncontrollable. Despite my doctor's advice to eat properly, I continued. |
| The cat walk look that critics say is driving women to extremesMost alarming was how my confidence got so low. As the project went on, and I apparently got the body I thought I always wanted, I felt more and more self aware and hated the idea of anyone looking at me. | The cat walk look that critics say is driving women to extremesMost alarming was how my confidence got so low. As the project went on, and I apparently got the body I thought I always wanted, I felt more and more self aware and hated the idea of anyone looking at me. |
| I looked at my body in the mirror and hated it because it was the cause of me feeling so down. I couldn't look at the weight loss as an honourable achievement because I was disgusted in what it took to achieve it. | I looked at my body in the mirror and hated it because it was the cause of me feeling so down. I couldn't look at the weight loss as an honourable achievement because I was disgusted in what it took to achieve it. |
| I think it was then that I truly understood the pressures so many models are under, and how miserable their lives must be as they try to keep up with the super skinny look that their industry demands. | I think it was then that I truly understood the pressures so many models are under, and how miserable their lives must be as they try to keep up with the super skinny look that their industry demands. |
| My final weigh-in saw that I had lost 17Ibs and 50% of my body fat. Which after everything I had been through strangely, and temporarily, disappointed me. I was nowhere near size zero, and I felt like I had not achieved what I set out to do. | My final weigh-in saw that I had lost 17Ibs and 50% of my body fat. Which after everything I had been through strangely, and temporarily, disappointed me. I was nowhere near size zero, and I felt like I had not achieved what I set out to do. |
| And that's exactly what this is all about: normal women, with normal constitutions set on unachievable goals. And when they don't meet them, they feel like failures. | And that's exactly what this is all about: normal women, with normal constitutions set on unachievable goals. And when they don't meet them, they feel like failures. |
| I could have lost that weight over time, in a healthy, balanced way, and felt wonderful. But being extreme and not giving my body what it needed meant that every effort was futile, and being thin, did not make me happy as you would generally expect. | I could have lost that weight over time, in a healthy, balanced way, and felt wonderful. But being extreme and not giving my body what it needed meant that every effort was futile, and being thin, did not make me happy as you would generally expect. |
| I was warned to ease myself back into eating slowly, but I can't say I followed that advice. Since ending the diet I have resumed my life as normal. Maybe one day I will try to lose a little more over time. But I never want to go back to how I felt when I was on that diet, and I hope to God, that my experience puts anyone else off trying the same thing. The body needs fuel. Food works, eat it. | I was warned to ease myself back into eating slowly, but I can't say I followed that advice. Since ending the diet I have resumed my life as normal. Maybe one day I will try to lose a little more over time. But I never want to go back to how I felt when I was on that diet, and I hope to God, that my experience puts anyone else off trying the same thing. The body needs fuel. Food works, eat it. |
| Super Slim Me: A Mischief Special is on BBC Three, Wednesday, 7 February at 2100 GMT. | Super Slim Me: A Mischief Special is on BBC Three, Wednesday, 7 February at 2100 GMT. |
Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |