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| Favorite Songs and Prose, Reimagined | Favorite Songs and Prose, Reimagined |
| (about 13 hours later) | |
| William Shakespeare Revisits His Sonnet 18 | William Shakespeare Revisits His Sonnet 18 |
| “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”That likening hath never been less aptToday, our summers kindle flood and flame,To which humanity might not adaptThat summer I once dared to denigrate,Compared to now, was such a pleasant placeI fear this torrid tempest won’t abate,What spiteful irony I now must face!I once lamented summer’s fleeting span;In hindsight, there was much I hadst to learn“Eternal summer,” ’tis a frying pan:Without a change of course, the world will burnMy modest sonnet, fate hath cruelly readNow, summer only warms my heart with dread. | “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”That likening hath never been less aptToday, our summers kindle flood and flame,To which humanity might not adaptThat summer I once dared to denigrate,Compared to now, was such a pleasant placeI fear this torrid tempest won’t abate,What spiteful irony I now must face!I once lamented summer’s fleeting span;In hindsight, there was much I hadst to learn“Eternal summer,” ’tis a frying pan:Without a change of course, the world will burnMy modest sonnet, fate hath cruelly readNow, summer only warms my heart with dread. |
| Joel WatsonSan Diego | Joel WatsonSan Diego |
| The Gettysburg Regress | The Gettysburg Regress |
| Four score months, almost seven years ago, our voters brought forth on this continent a new president, conceived in Queens, and dedicated to the proposition that “when you’re a star, they let you do it.” | Four score months, almost seven years ago, our voters brought forth on this continent a new president, conceived in Queens, and dedicated to the proposition that “when you’re a star, they let you do it.” |
| Now we are engaged in a great culture war, testing whether that president, or any president so conceived and so dedicated, can elude censure. The internet is the great battlefield of that war, with some very fine people on both sides. We have come to dedicate a large portion of our field of attention to websites and apps as the final resting place for our opinions that they may live forever. It is not altogether fitting or proper that we should do this. | Now we are engaged in a great culture war, testing whether that president, or any president so conceived and so dedicated, can elude censure. The internet is the great battlefield of that war, with some very fine people on both sides. We have come to dedicate a large portion of our field of attention to websites and apps as the final resting place for our opinions that they may live forever. It is not altogether fitting or proper that we should do this. |
| And, among the nonsense, we can no longer enjoy the love we make — in case we accidentally procreate — with abortion newly struck down. The brave women, living in dread, who struggle in fear, have old men to blame for it, and deserve nothing less than to have us now act. | And, among the nonsense, we can no longer enjoy the love we make — in case we accidentally procreate — with abortion newly struck down. The brave women, living in dread, who struggle in fear, have old men to blame for it, and deserve nothing less than to have us now act. |
| The world must long note, and long remember, what he did on Jan. 6 after an election year. It is for us the voters, then, to be dedicated without fear to the unfinished but necessary work of eternal vigilance. | The world must long note, and long remember, what he did on Jan. 6 after an election year. It is for us the voters, then, to be dedicated without fear to the unfinished but necessary work of eternal vigilance. |
| It is for us the voters to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that in spite of what we may have seen on Reddit, we take increased devotion to that cause of facts over emotion — that we hereby resolve that Gold Star families shall not have grieved in vain — that this nation, however odd, shall only give birth to freedom — and that, though we may not always get what we want from our leaders, we always get what we vote for. | It is for us the voters to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that in spite of what we may have seen on Reddit, we take increased devotion to that cause of facts over emotion — that we hereby resolve that Gold Star families shall not have grieved in vain — that this nation, however odd, shall only give birth to freedom — and that, though we may not always get what we want from our leaders, we always get what we vote for. |
| Jason LubanRonda, Spain | Jason LubanRonda, Spain |
| Their Least Favorite Things(to the tune of “My Favorite Things”) | Their Least Favorite Things(to the tune of “My Favorite Things”) |
| Library shelves have begun to look lonelyFilled with the books deemed acceptable onlyGone are the classics we all read in schoolRevising history’s the new golden rule | Library shelves have begun to look lonelyFilled with the books deemed acceptable onlyGone are the classics we all read in schoolRevising history’s the new golden rule |
| “Slaughterhouse-Five” and “The Sun Also Rises”Wallflowers, Handmaids, and “Lord of the Flies”-esMockingbirds, Cuckoo’s Nests, Mice and Men tooKnow Why the Caged Bird Sings? I do. Do you? | “Slaughterhouse-Five” and “The Sun Also Rises”Wallflowers, Handmaids, and “Lord of the Flies”-esMockingbirds, Cuckoo’s Nests, Mice and Men tooKnow Why the Caged Bird Sings? I do. Do you? |
| Facing history is no mystery, cruel truth often stingsSo people remove the “uncomfortable” themesAnd all their least favorite things | Facing history is no mystery, cruel truth often stingsSo people remove the “uncomfortable” themesAnd all their least favorite things |
| Parents irate, still their lists aren’t completed“Gone With the Wind,” where the South was defeatedThese books weren’t burned yet the flames have been fannedInstead of fire, no, these books have been banned | Parents irate, still their lists aren’t completed“Gone With the Wind,” where the South was defeatedThese books weren’t burned yet the flames have been fannedInstead of fire, no, these books have been banned |
| Jay Gatsby’s gone and poor Anne Frank is hiddenCalls of the Wild are now strictly forbiddenBooks of all stripes both the new and the oldOnce warmed our hearts, now they’re out in the cold | Jay Gatsby’s gone and poor Anne Frank is hiddenCalls of the Wild are now strictly forbiddenBooks of all stripes both the new and the oldOnce warmed our hearts, now they’re out in the cold |
| Who’s deciding, what needs hiding, and what books are fineIf there is a ban that you want to enforce,Please tell your own kids, not mine! | Who’s deciding, what needs hiding, and what books are fineIf there is a ban that you want to enforce,Please tell your own kids, not mine! |
| Mona FinstonNew York | Mona FinstonNew York |
| The Ballad of SCOTUS (or Thomas’s Promises)(to the tune of “June Is Busting Out All Over”) | The Ballad of SCOTUS (or Thomas’s Promises)(to the tune of “June Is Busting Out All Over”) |
| Cash is pouring in all over,The court is a great big money tree!Lots of billionaires pursue meAnd the gifts they offer to meAre expensive and extensive as can be! | Cash is pouring in all over,The court is a great big money tree!Lots of billionaires pursue meAnd the gifts they offer to meAre expensive and extensive as can be! |
| Yachts to take me to Bermuda!Planes to whisk me off to France!Though it may appear unseemly,I will rule for you supremely,Every time I have the glimmer of a chance. | Yachts to take me to Bermuda!Planes to whisk me off to France!Though it may appear unseemly,I will rule for you supremely,Every time I have the glimmer of a chance. |
| Because it’s June! June! June!Rulings come in June! June! June! | Because it’s June! June! June!Rulings come in June! June! June! |
| Decades of progress will be smashed,Once all your checks are duly cashed! | Decades of progress will be smashed,Once all your checks are duly cashed! |
| Money’s pouring in all over!Stare decisis is kaput.With the help of Sam AlitoRoe v. Wade is now finito —And I’ll soon be crushing Griswold underfoot! | Money’s pouring in all over!Stare decisis is kaput.With the help of Sam AlitoRoe v. Wade is now finito —And I’ll soon be crushing Griswold underfoot! |
| Money’s pouring in all over!I’ll be at your beck and call!Ev’ry fabulous vacationMakes me lower your taxationTo the point at which it won’t exist at all! | Money’s pouring in all over!I’ll be at your beck and call!Ev’ry fabulous vacationMakes me lower your taxationTo the point at which it won’t exist at all! |
| Because it’s June! June! June!Rulings come in June! June! June! | Because it’s June! June! June!Rulings come in June! June! June! |
| Tossing aside with bad intentEvery last shred of precedent. | Tossing aside with bad intentEvery last shred of precedent. |
| Perks are pouring in all over!Travel’s more splendid than before.With your money in my pocketI’ll devote my shadow docketTo the N.R.A., Big Pharma and much more! | Perks are pouring in all over!Travel’s more splendid than before.With your money in my pocketI’ll devote my shadow docketTo the N.R.A., Big Pharma and much more! |
| Cash is pouring in all over!Ev’ry decision can be bent:Though my rulings may be lawless,Still my reasoning will be flawlessWhen I tell them what our founders really meant! | Cash is pouring in all over!Ev’ry decision can be bent:Though my rulings may be lawless,Still my reasoning will be flawlessWhen I tell them what our founders really meant! |
| Because it’s June! June! June!Rulings come in June! June! June! …They’ll be coming Soon! Soon! Soon!!! | Because it’s June! June! June!Rulings come in June! June! June! …They’ll be coming Soon! Soon! Soon!!! |
| Nancy StarkNew York | Nancy StarkNew York |
| The Aspirational Dream(to the tune of “The Impossible Dream”) | The Aspirational Dream(to the tune of “The Impossible Dream”) |
| To dream aspirational dreamsTo fight those who said that I lostTo tear into all who contest meTo win irregardless of cost | To dream aspirational dreamsTo fight those who said that I lostTo tear into all who contest meTo win irregardless of cost |
| To grab everything that I wantTo fire everyone I’ve employedTo lie when the truth is for losersTo feed my insatiable void | To grab everything that I wantTo fire everyone I’ve employedTo lie when the truth is for losersTo feed my insatiable void |
| This is my questI’m winner takes allNo matter how stupid, or who has to fallAnd though I berate those who counter my willIf they’d done what I told them to do I’d be president still | This is my questI’m winner takes allNo matter how stupid, or who has to fallAnd though I berate those who counter my willIf they’d done what I told them to do I’d be president still |
| And I know if my lawyers can sell this new lie overreachThat I might not get tossed into jail’Cause it’s freedom of speech | And I know if my lawyers can sell this new lie overreachThat I might not get tossed into jail’Cause it’s freedom of speech |
| And my world will be better for thisWhen my foes lay prostrate at my feetAshamed that they failed to subdue me | And my world will be better for thisWhen my foes lay prostrate at my feetAshamed that they failed to subdue me |
| The leech, the unteachable, unimpeachable, the unreachable star! | The leech, the unteachable, unimpeachable, the unreachable star! |
| And I’ll always dream aspirational dreamsDonate to me! The unleashable czar! | And I’ll always dream aspirational dreamsDonate to me! The unleashable czar! |
| Melanie BaconLangley, Wash. | Melanie BaconLangley, Wash. |
| 2023 Gifts for The 12 Days of Christmas | 2023 Gifts for The 12 Days of Christmas |
| On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:Twelve NFTsEleven forests burningTen migrants trudgingNine bots a-tweetingEight cows a-belchingSeven drones a-spyingSix trolls a-doxxingFive plastic sporks!Four Covid testsThree face masksTwo climate skepticsand a cartridge for an AR-15. | On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:Twelve NFTsEleven forests burningTen migrants trudgingNine bots a-tweetingEight cows a-belchingSeven drones a-spyingSix trolls a-doxxingFive plastic sporks!Four Covid testsThree face masksTwo climate skepticsand a cartridge for an AR-15. |
| David WinebergMilford, Pa. | David WinebergMilford, Pa. |
| Denial | Denial |
| I’m living in a land that’s called Denial.You’re welcome to come visit for a while.The locals speak with eloquence and reason.The climate is delightful every season.The air is fresh and clean; the rain is mild.The waterways are clear and undefiled.The Lexapro is plentiful and free,But no one needs it here, not even me.And people from all backgrounds get along.The schools are good; the infrastructure’s strong.Elections feature meaningful debate,With neither side inflaming fear and hate,And no one says they’ve won when they have lostAnd tries to get a valid outcome tossed.Deceptive news is never on the air,And commenters online are kind and fair.This paradise is very hard to find …I wish it were a place outside my mind. | I’m living in a land that’s called Denial.You’re welcome to come visit for a while.The locals speak with eloquence and reason.The climate is delightful every season.The air is fresh and clean; the rain is mild.The waterways are clear and undefiled.The Lexapro is plentiful and free,But no one needs it here, not even me.And people from all backgrounds get along.The schools are good; the infrastructure’s strong.Elections feature meaningful debate,With neither side inflaming fear and hate,And no one says they’ve won when they have lostAnd tries to get a valid outcome tossed.Deceptive news is never on the air,And commenters online are kind and fair.This paradise is very hard to find …I wish it were a place outside my mind. |
| Erika S. FineBrookline, Mass. | Erika S. FineBrookline, Mass. |
| Political Campaign Ballad(to the tune of “Both Sides Now”) | Political Campaign Ballad(to the tune of “Both Sides Now”) |
| I show up at each county fairTell everyone how much I careMake promises of just hot airI’ve talked to crowds that way | I show up at each county fairTell everyone how much I careMake promises of just hot airI’ve talked to crowds that way |
| But now sometimes I can’t get throughI start to talk, they start to booSo many things I planned to doBut crowds got in my way | But now sometimes I can’t get throughI start to talk, they start to booSo many things I planned to doBut crowds got in my way |
| I’ve looked at crowds from both sides nowFrom good and bad and still somehowIt’s crowd’s illusions I recallI really don’t know crowds at all | I’ve looked at crowds from both sides nowFrom good and bad and still somehowIt’s crowd’s illusions I recallI really don’t know crowds at all |
| I tell them I love everyoneI want to be their favorite sonVote for me, I’ll get things doneI’ve looked at gov. that way | I tell them I love everyoneI want to be their favorite sonVote for me, I’ll get things doneI’ve looked at gov. that way |
| But now the polls say I’m behindMy gov. campaign starts to unwindI did it all, but now I findI gave myself away | But now the polls say I’m behindMy gov. campaign starts to unwindI did it all, but now I findI gave myself away |
| I’ve looked at gov. from both sides nowFrom high and low and still somehowIt’s gov.’s illusions I recallI really don’t know gov. at all | I’ve looked at gov. from both sides nowFrom high and low and still somehowIt’s gov.’s illusions I recallI really don’t know gov. at all |
| I traveled to most every placeAnd kissed the babies on their faceAnd sold my soul to win the raceI’ve looked at strife that way | I traveled to most every placeAnd kissed the babies on their faceAnd sold my soul to win the raceI’ve looked at strife that way |
| But now it’s just another showI give my spiel, and they all knowMy campaign has nowhere to goAnd strife now rules the day | But now it’s just another showI give my spiel, and they all knowMy campaign has nowhere to goAnd strife now rules the day |
| I’ve looked at strife from both sides nowFrom win and lose and still somehowIt’s strife’s illusions I recallI really don’t know strife at all | I’ve looked at strife from both sides nowFrom win and lose and still somehowIt’s strife’s illusions I recallI really don’t know strife at all |
| Bill ArchibaldArlington, Va. | Bill ArchibaldArlington, Va. |
| The first round of variations can be found here. |