A Lost Friend on My Mind

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/08/opinion/disappeared-mental-illness.html

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Every October when the leaves turn color I wonder again where my friend Paul ended up. He went missing in the fall a few years ago, after a decade of declining mental health. He was in his late 20s.

One night he walked out of his house and across his lawn and into the dark. No one heard from him again. He even left behind his phone.

Ever since Paul’s disappearance, I’ve bumped into more and more people who appear — momentarily — identical to him.

A Wall Street guy.

A skater.

An avid reader, a pilot, a father. My life is riddled with alternate Pauls.

The other night I spotted one working at a hardware store in Brooklyn. He caught me staring and asked if I needed assistance.

I panicked a little and said I could use help selecting a flashlight. I really was there to buy a flashlight.

He sold me a big metal one, with rechargeable batteries.

An hour later, stepping into my apartment, I turned on all my lights as I usually do — then, thinking twice, switched them off.

I thought about Paul and lawns and nighttime. To test out my flashlight, I wanted total darkness. A blank surface to write on, with light.

Kyle Ellingson is a cartoonist and illustrator.

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