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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
|---|---|
| South African rapist: 'Forgive me' | South African rapist: 'Forgive me' |
| (about 4 hours later) | |
| Dumisani Rebombo says peer pressure led him to rape | Dumisani Rebombo says peer pressure led him to rape |
| Dumisani Rebombo and his friend raped a young girl in their village in South Africa when they were teenagers. | Dumisani Rebombo and his friend raped a young girl in their village in South Africa when they were teenagers. |
| Years later, he returned to the same village to find the woman he attacked and begged for her forgiveness. | Years later, he returned to the same village to find the woman he attacked and begged for her forgiveness. |
| Mr Rebombo, 49, is one of thousands of men in South Africa who admit to having carried out a sexual assault - one in four, according to a recent survey. | Mr Rebombo, 49, is one of thousands of men in South Africa who admit to having carried out a sexual assault - one in four, according to a recent survey. |
| He told BBC News why he feels so many young men in his homeland engage in the ill-treatment of women. | He told BBC News why he feels so many young men in his homeland engage in the ill-treatment of women. |
| When I was 15 years old, I took part in a gang rape. | When I was 15 years old, I took part in a gang rape. |
| Before the incident, I was constantly jeered for not being man enough. | Before the incident, I was constantly jeered for not being man enough. |
| At the time I was not ready to have a girlfriend when all my friends did. | At the time I was not ready to have a girlfriend when all my friends did. |
| I did not tend the cattle or sheep, nor did I attend the initiation school [where South African teenagers are circumcised in traditional rites of passage]. | I did not tend the cattle or sheep, nor did I attend the initiation school [where South African teenagers are circumcised in traditional rites of passage]. |
| This fuelled my daily jeers. | This fuelled my daily jeers. |
| My friends sang and clapped as if we had done something right Dumisani Rebombo South African rape survey shock | My friends sang and clapped as if we had done something right Dumisani Rebombo South African rape survey shock |
| A friend and my cousin pressured me to prove that I was man enough, by taking part in the rape of a teenage girl in the village. | A friend and my cousin pressured me to prove that I was man enough, by taking part in the rape of a teenage girl in the village. |
| This was termed "straightening her up", since she did not want to go out with any of the local boys. | This was termed "straightening her up", since she did not want to go out with any of the local boys. |
| I succumbed to this daily pressure and on the day of the incident, when they saw me trembling with fear, they ordered me to take marijuana and beer to defeat my fears. | I succumbed to this daily pressure and on the day of the incident, when they saw me trembling with fear, they ordered me to take marijuana and beer to defeat my fears. |
| I did just that and the two of us [my friend and I] proceeded to rape the girl. | I did just that and the two of us [my friend and I] proceeded to rape the girl. |
| Guilty and scared | Guilty and scared |
| Afterwards, I was terrified. | Afterwards, I was terrified. |
| I felt guilty but also scared that the news could reach my mother who had a high standing in the community. | I felt guilty but also scared that the news could reach my mother who had a high standing in the community. |
| The following day, when we went for our soccer practice, this incident was reported to all the other football players. | The following day, when we went for our soccer practice, this incident was reported to all the other football players. |
| Dumisani Rebombo said he was prepared to face jail | Dumisani Rebombo said he was prepared to face jail |
| On hearing the news, they sang and clapped as if we had done something right. | On hearing the news, they sang and clapped as if we had done something right. |
| This helped to stop the jeering somewhat and I was allowed to associate with the other boys. | This helped to stop the jeering somewhat and I was allowed to associate with the other boys. |
| I still felt guilty, at least partially so, especially when I saw the girl in the village. Sometimes I tried to avoid meeting her. | I still felt guilty, at least partially so, especially when I saw the girl in the village. Sometimes I tried to avoid meeting her. |
| But slowly, over time, I began to think less and less about the incident. | But slowly, over time, I began to think less and less about the incident. |
| I left my village in Limpopo Province and went to live in the city and joined a religious group from which I learned a lot about love and respect for all. | I left my village in Limpopo Province and went to live in the city and joined a religious group from which I learned a lot about love and respect for all. |
| Strangely, I did not think much of the incident - I just went on with my life. | Strangely, I did not think much of the incident - I just went on with my life. |
| I started work with an NGO (non-governmental organisation) where I mostly worked with unemployed mothers. | I started work with an NGO (non-governmental organisation) where I mostly worked with unemployed mothers. |
| Every Monday morning, the women reported incidents of abuse in different forms. | Every Monday morning, the women reported incidents of abuse in different forms. |
| Every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident Dumisani Rebombo | Every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident Dumisani Rebombo |
| As they did this, I could not help it but give way to introspection. | As they did this, I could not help it but give way to introspection. |
| It was as if every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident. | It was as if every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my own incident. |
| I then asked my employers to train us in a methodology which would target boys and men. | I then asked my employers to train us in a methodology which would target boys and men. |
| They did this and very soon, I felt challenged, self-consciously, to set an example to the men I was teaching. | They did this and very soon, I felt challenged, self-consciously, to set an example to the men I was teaching. |
| Seeking forgiveness | Seeking forgiveness |
| I took a decision to go back to find the woman I raped. | I took a decision to go back to find the woman I raped. |
| I realised that the woman needed justice. | I realised that the woman needed justice. |
| But also, I wanted to ask for forgiveness, now that I understood the effects and consequences for someone who has been raped. | But also, I wanted to ask for forgiveness, now that I understood the effects and consequences for someone who has been raped. |
| South Africa's government has been urged to solve the rape epidemic | South Africa's government has been urged to solve the rape epidemic |
| I went to my pastor about this. His response was: "You are saved now, you were once in the mud, but now you know the truth and you are therefore OK." | I went to my pastor about this. His response was: "You are saved now, you were once in the mud, but now you know the truth and you are therefore OK." |
| He also asked me if I was ready to go to jail. He said: "What if the woman went to the authorities?" | He also asked me if I was ready to go to jail. He said: "What if the woman went to the authorities?" |
| My answer was: "If I go to jail, that would be justice for that woman." | My answer was: "If I go to jail, that would be justice for that woman." |
| I therefore took the journey to the north. | I therefore took the journey to the north. |
| I wanted her to know that I felt bad about what I had done to her, that I was a changed man and I was working with other men to prevent rape. | I wanted her to know that I felt bad about what I had done to her, that I was a changed man and I was working with other men to prevent rape. |
| When we met, she showed a wry smile on her face. | When we met, she showed a wry smile on her face. |
| Since we were at a public clinic, she thought I was a doctor or someone from the Ministry of Health. | Since we were at a public clinic, she thought I was a doctor or someone from the Ministry of Health. |
| I related my story to her. She looked at me and revealed that she had since been raped on two other occasions. | I related my story to her. She looked at me and revealed that she had since been raped on two other occasions. |
| She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her Dumisani Rebombo | She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her Dumisani Rebombo |
| She started crying. She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her. | She started crying. She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her. |
| She told me that her life was never the same emotionally following these incidents. | She told me that her life was never the same emotionally following these incidents. |
| Worse still, she was not ready to tell her husband of what had happened. | Worse still, she was not ready to tell her husband of what had happened. |
| Finally, she said that she forgave me, and thought that I had meant well with all that I had said. | Finally, she said that she forgave me, and thought that I had meant well with all that I had said. |
| I left that room with a new burden - to do something about rape in my community and my country. | I left that room with a new burden - to do something about rape in my community and my country. |
| Machismo feelings | Machismo feelings |
| If you asked me: "What motivates so many men in South Africa to engage in un-consensual sex?" I would say that it is the machismo feelings and beliefs, coupled with patriarchal processes and tendencies. | If you asked me: "What motivates so many men in South Africa to engage in un-consensual sex?" I would say that it is the machismo feelings and beliefs, coupled with patriarchal processes and tendencies. |
| I think that we raise boys in the wrong way, but later on in their lives we want to see them as different men who care and love. | I think that we raise boys in the wrong way, but later on in their lives we want to see them as different men who care and love. |
| My advice to young men who feel under pressure to rape, is to surround yourselves with good friends. | My advice to young men who feel under pressure to rape, is to surround yourselves with good friends. |
| Learn to talk to someone about what is going on inside. | Learn to talk to someone about what is going on inside. |
| For with this, one can teach the young men to have other means of solving conflict. | For with this, one can teach the young men to have other means of solving conflict. |
| And above all, to grow up respecting girls. | And above all, to grow up respecting girls. |
| Dumisani Rebombo is a community development worker and public speaker, working for the Olive Leaf Foundation, in Johannesburg. | Dumisani Rebombo is a community development worker and public speaker, working for the Olive Leaf Foundation, in Johannesburg. |
| Here are some of your comments: | |
| I was shocked beyond words reading the story of Dumisani Rebombo. Its true boys are raised the wrong way in some countries in Africa and Asia. women need to come out instead of keeping the issues hidden. these boys and men need to be put to shame in their society. and these women needs the support of every other women. they shouldn't be isolated because they came forward.Sabina, India | |
| Four of my five sisters were raped when they were children. I was 7 when I first witnessed this heinous act by my father onto his daughters. Today, 40 years later, I still think about the trauma and how this destroyed their self-worth. None of them had a successful life in work or marriage. If this happens to you, get counselling. It is not your fault. Know that each of us are valuable and your life has meaning.David, USA | |
| I am touched with this story. I wish all men were like this man above who i think has repented and would never do the same thing again. Please men rape is not a solution to any problem that you go through but if you rape someone no matter how many years you would live on earth this bad feeling will ever remain in you. Lets respect women, surely if we do rape will be the thing of the past.Loreen, Zambia | |
| I hope that Mr Remombo feels remorse as he definitely should. It is so sad that in such a lovely country such as South Africa no women (and not only women) feel safe anywhere anymore. I lived in RSA 10 years and trust me, i know what i am talking about.Zoran, Limassol, Cyprus | |
| What Mr Dumisani Rebombo did by coming out to let people know about the "real" cause of the epidemic (Cases of Rape) in South Africa should be commend. At least the Government and the NGO's should now know where to focus their attention, mostly in the area of young people sexual life and the communication gap in the family. If all former rapist can come out and disannounce it with remorse.Nnamdi, Abuja, Nigeria | |
| It seems we seem to make a martyr of this man rather than actively make an example of this terrible crime. I don't think it is the role of this man to preach social change, even if the offence was committed many years previouslyMatthew, United Kingdom | |
| Teaching young boys about the feelings that will come up during adolescence would be a good start. If you raise young men to be independent, honest and compassionate men they will give back to society not destroy it. Men need to start these discussions with other men so they can be forthright, honest and exemplary leaders for their communities. Joan, USA | |
| A lot of youths these days engage in unwholesome acts due to peer pressure. It is only a handful of them who actually have the will power to counter peer pressure. While growing up, I had friends who were petty thieves, smoking weed and raping girls during inter-house sport competitions. But I was able to avoid moving with the bandwagon because of my uncle who is a disciplinarian till date.Omorodion, Boston, USA | |
| Rape is not a problem specific to South Africa. People like Remombo should tour secondary schools talking about such issues that often - not always - do contribute to our world society of rape. It is shocking to see how many men and women raise their boys to be macho from young ages, attempting to install sexual difference as the basis for such behaviours. In the end, the consistant pattern of the rape of girls and women worldwide, is a problem not born sterily within the rapist. Instead the fact that women and girls are systematically abused in 2009 is a societal problem that stems from deeply misogynist elements in all our societies. Julian, New York, USA | |
| To the nameless woman from his story, how amazing you are to move beyond what happened, even to offer forgiveness so that you too may heal. Blessings to you.Marie, Vancouver, Canada | |
| Have you been affected by the issues in this story? What can be done to reduce the incidence of rape in South Africa? Send us your comments. | Have you been affected by the issues in this story? What can be done to reduce the incidence of rape in South Africa? Send us your comments. |
| A selection of your comments will be published on the BBC News website, unless you state otherwise in the form. We cannot publish all comments. | A selection of your comments will be published on the BBC News website, unless you state otherwise in the form. We cannot publish all comments. |
| The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. Terms & Conditions | The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. Terms & Conditions |