Looking after mumDJ Jono Coleman had a top job in radio - hosting a London breakfast show - when he packed it all in to look after his mother, back home in Australia. It was, he says, time to start giving something back.
Looking after mumDJ Jono Coleman had a top job in radio - hosting a London breakfast show - when he packed it all in to look after his mother, back home in Australia. It was, he says, time to start giving something back.
It was a conversation he had 19 years ago, but one Jono Coleman will never forget.
It was a conversation he had 19 years ago, but one Jono Coleman will never forget.
His father Maurice made a dying wish to his son that he look after his mother. And nearly two decades later, that pledge is now being honoured.
His father Maurice made a dying wish to his son that he look after his mother. And nearly two decades later, that pledge is now being honoured.
Coleman junior, the radio DJ famous for his chubby figure and jocular style, has sold his London home and moved his family to Sydney to be near his very frail 81-year-old mother, Sylvia.
Coleman junior, the radio DJ famous for his chubby figure and jocular style, has sold his London home and moved his family to Sydney to be near his very frail 81-year-old mother, Sylvia.
It has meant putting his contract with BBC London on hold and uprooting his two children Oscar, 12, and Emily, nine.
It has meant putting his contract with BBC London on hold and uprooting his two children Oscar, 12, and Emily, nine.
"Mine was a close family, I was close to mum and dad," he says, after a month in his new surroundings. "The older she got the more I felt responsible to fulfil my father's dying wish which was to take care of my mum.
"Mine was a close family, I was close to mum and dad," he says, after a month in his new surroundings. "The older she got the more I felt responsible to fulfil my father's dying wish which was to take care of my mum.
"He had a heart attack before he died so he was forewarned and we had our fatherly chats and he said 'When I'm not around, you're going to have to be the man of the family.'"
"He had a heart attack before he died so he was forewarned and we had our fatherly chats and he said 'When I'm not around, you're going to have to be the man of the family.'"
Coleman's early childhood was in east LondonAlthough the distance involved in his decision makes it an extreme example, it's a dilemma adults have to wrestle with the world over - how much responsibility to take for ageing parents.
Coleman's early childhood was in east LondonAlthough the distance involved in his decision makes it an extreme example, it's a dilemma adults have to wrestle with the world over - how much responsibility to take for ageing parents.
A report last week by the Commission for Social Care Inspection said more and more elderly people are relying on relatives as the population ages. In England alone, there are 4.7 million people over 18 who are unpaid carers for elderly or disabled people.
A report last week by the Commission for Social Care Inspection said more and more elderly people are relying on relatives as the population ages. In England alone, there are 4.7 million people over 18 who are unpaid carers for elderly or disabled people.
That definition includes people like Coleman, whose mother is in a nursing home, since a common description of carer is someone whose life is affected by the responsibility.
That definition includes people like Coleman, whose mother is in a nursing home, since a common description of carer is someone whose life is affected by the responsibility.
"When you're young you say you can do anything and I can live in England for a few years. Then suddenly you get a bit older, your parents start getting older and you start being less selfish and think 'My parents looked after me and gave me all those benefits of a great childhood, so it's time to start giving something back.'"
"When you're young you say you can do anything and I can live in England for a few years. Then suddenly you get a bit older, your parents start getting older and you start being less selfish and think 'My parents looked after me and gave me all those benefits of a great childhood, so it's time to start giving something back.'"
Coleman's father died in Sydney in 1988, two years before Coleman married Margot and moved to the UK. He was already a radio and television personality in Australia but wanted to establish himself in the country of his birth. By the mid-1990s, he'd become one of Virgin Radio's top personalities, commanding an estimated £150,000 salary.
Coleman's father died in Sydney in 1988, two years before Coleman married Margot and moved to the UK. He was already a radio and television personality in Australia but wanted to establish himself in the country of his birth. By the mid-1990s, he'd become one of Virgin Radio's top personalities, commanding an estimated £150,000 salary.
His widowed mother supported this career move, even though it took him thousands of miles away. In recent years she twice moved to the UK, where she also has a daughter, but missed Australia too much to settle and now lives in a nursing home in the suburbs of Sydney.
His widowed mother supported this career move, even though it took him thousands of miles away. In recent years she twice moved to the UK, where she also has a daughter, but missed Australia too much to settle and now lives in a nursing home in the suburbs of Sydney.
Phoning home
Phoning home
The long distance strengthened the bond between mother and son and magnified the longing in Coleman's mind to be near her when she needed him. They spoke every day on the phone but an operation due in February crystallised Coleman's thoughts about moving back.
The long distance strengthened the bond between mother and son and magnified the longing in Coleman's mind to be near her when she needed him. They spoke every day on the phone but an operation due in February crystallised Coleman's thoughts about moving back.
"In showbiz it's 'me, me, me, I want to do this, I want to be on the radio and television.'
"In showbiz it's 'me, me, me, I want to do this, I want to be on the radio and television.'
"And then suddenly it's not just about getting a new car and being famous in England and Australia. You have to think about the people you leave behind."
"And then suddenly it's not just about getting a new car and being famous in England and Australia. You have to think about the people you leave behind."
There were plenty of reasons to stay in London - the careers of Jono and advertising executive Margot, the schooling of the children, the house and the friends - and it was an agonising decision.
There were plenty of reasons to stay in London - the careers of Jono and advertising executive Margot, the schooling of the children, the house and the friends - and it was an agonising decision.
In showbiz it's 'me, me, me, I want to do this, I want to be on the radio and television' But the emotional tug, and the added benefits of giving the Coleman children a taste of Australia and bringing Margot closer to her parents, won through.
In showbiz it's 'me, me, me, I want to do this, I want to be on the radio and television' But the emotional tug, and the added benefits of giving the Coleman children a taste of Australia and bringing Margot closer to her parents, won through.
"When you become more mature you suddenly notice that after years depending on mother or father or both, the ballgame changes completely. You feel them becoming frail and you have to care for them in return. It's the payback.
"When you become more mature you suddenly notice that after years depending on mother or father or both, the ballgame changes completely. You feel them becoming frail and you have to care for them in return. It's the payback.
"I gave my mother a paperweight that I bought which says 'Be nice to your children when they're young because they choose your retirement home.' It's exactly true."
"I gave my mother a paperweight that I bought which says 'Be nice to your children when they're young because they choose your retirement home.' It's exactly true."
He has found new radio and television opportunities Down Under and plans to return alone for periods to renew his UK career. But his mother, whom he describes as a fun and frivolous person, has noticeably "perked up" since he moved back. She spends most weekends with his family and he visits her during the week.
He has found new radio and television opportunities Down Under and plans to return for periods to renew his UK career. But his mother, whom he describes as a fun and frivolous person, has noticeably "perked up" since he moved back. She spends most weekends with his family and he visits her during the week.
Coleman's father asked him to look after his mumHe's happy he made the decision with his heart and he knows his role as helper could one day pass to his children.
Coleman's father asked him to look after his mumHe's happy he made the decision with his heart and he knows his role as helper could one day pass to his children.
"I'm being very nice to them now so they will do the right thing when I'm sitting on the bath chair on the veranda.
"I'm being very nice to them now so they will do the right thing when I'm sitting on the bath chair on the veranda.
"I hope they see what I'm doing for my mum so they have mercy on Margot and I when we ask them to help us out of chair or drop us off at an old people's home."
"I hope they see what I'm doing for my mum so they have mercy on Margot and I when we ask them to help us out of chair or drop us off at an old people's home."
Caring for an elderly relative is a duty which is part of the social contract, says Kate Groucutt of Carers UK.
Caring for an elderly relative is a duty which is part of the social contract, says Kate Groucutt of Carers UK.
"Many people want to care for their family and they believe they can provide the best care. We are trying to help them to do that without destroying their own lives."
"Many people want to care for their family and they believe they can provide the best care. We are trying to help them to do that without destroying their own lives."
Blame
Blame
Having a parent move into the family home is more common in some other European countries than in the UK, where family ties are less strong, but campaigners believe unpaid care saves the British state £57bn a year.
Having a parent move into the family home is more common in some other European countries than in the UK, where family ties are less strong, but campaigners believe unpaid care saves the British state £57bn a year.
CARERS' HELPLINE Advice about health, training and benefits: 0808 808 7777 Care enough about your parents and you will make the right decision, Coleman says. Don't and you'll blame yourself when it's too late to make amends.
CARERS' HELPLINE Advice about health, training and benefits: 0808 808 7777 Care enough about your parents and you will make the right decision, Coleman says. Don't and you'll blame yourself when it's too late to make amends.
"That's a decision everyone has to make themselves. I've made decisions about work that have got me on television in the UK and the Australia but what's the use of that?
"That's a decision everyone has to make themselves. I've made decisions about work that have got me on television in the UK and the Australia but what's the use of that?
"Wrapped up in your own importance you miss the importance of the people around you."
"Wrapped up in your own importance you miss the importance of the people around you."
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