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Who's left holding the baby? Who's left holding the baby?
(1 day later)
Family time is precious to the Zaghir'sFamily time is precious to the Zaghir's
Clare and Riad Zaghir had a stark choice when they decided to have a baby. Who should stay at home and look after the child and who should be the breadwinner?Clare and Riad Zaghir had a stark choice when they decided to have a baby. Who should stay at home and look after the child and who should be the breadwinner?
Unusually, Riad opted to be a house-husband while Clare returned to work and became the main breadwinner. Here are their stories:Unusually, Riad opted to be a house-husband while Clare returned to work and became the main breadwinner. Here are their stories:
RIAD'S STORYRIAD'S STORY
I used to work as a sous-chef five nights a week and my days off were Sunday and Monday. Clare worked five days a week and her days off were the weekends, which meant that Clare and I had only a day-and-a-half a week together.I used to work as a sous-chef five nights a week and my days off were Sunday and Monday. Clare worked five days a week and her days off were the weekends, which meant that Clare and I had only a day-and-a-half a week together.
Both of us loved our jobs, but soon after we got married Clare got pregnant and we realised we were not spending much time together as a married couple, and, especially now there was a baby on the way, we needed to change our lifestyle.Both of us loved our jobs, but soon after we got married Clare got pregnant and we realised we were not spending much time together as a married couple, and, especially now there was a baby on the way, we needed to change our lifestyle.
It didn't take us long to decide that I would be the main carer and house-husband when Clare went back to work.It didn't take us long to decide that I would be the main carer and house-husband when Clare went back to work.
Riad was keen for their to be a steady family influence for Ella in her early years Riad was keen for there to be a steady family influence for Ella early on
There were a number of reasons why I became a house-husband.There were a number of reasons why I became a house-husband.
Firstly, I believe in family life. I don't like the idea of having a baby just for the weekends. At least one of the parents should be the main carer.Firstly, I believe in family life. I don't like the idea of having a baby just for the weekends. At least one of the parents should be the main carer.
Secondly, we don't have the benefit of grandparents to help us out with babysitting as Clare's parents live in the north and my parents live in a different continent.Secondly, we don't have the benefit of grandparents to help us out with babysitting as Clare's parents live in the north and my parents live in a different continent.
Thirdly, financially Clare is on better pay than I am, so after doing the sums the logical thing to do was for me to be the main carer when Clare went back to work.Thirdly, financially Clare is on better pay than I am, so after doing the sums the logical thing to do was for me to be the main carer when Clare went back to work.
Fourthly, and most importantly, I am a better cook than Clare. I've been Ella's main carer since January 2008 and I have loved every second of it.Fourthly, and most importantly, I am a better cook than Clare. I've been Ella's main carer since January 2008 and I have loved every second of it.
Now, almost a year-and-a-half later, I'm still the main carer, house-husband and father, and I still love what I'm doing. I don't miss my old job.Now, almost a year-and-a-half later, I'm still the main carer, house-husband and father, and I still love what I'm doing. I don't miss my old job.
Being a house-husband and a carer for a child is the toughest thing I have ever done but is definitely more enjoyable than being a chef, and my reward is seeing Ella growing up in a healthy and happy family environment.Being a house-husband and a carer for a child is the toughest thing I have ever done but is definitely more enjoyable than being a chef, and my reward is seeing Ella growing up in a healthy and happy family environment.
People ask me about the sacrifices I made and my answer is that I did not make any sacrifices; I just changed my priorities in life. I moved on, I became more mature and less selfish and if I had the chance to go back and do it again, I would not change a thing other than learning the nursery rhymes earlier.People ask me about the sacrifices I made and my answer is that I did not make any sacrifices; I just changed my priorities in life. I moved on, I became more mature and less selfish and if I had the chance to go back and do it again, I would not change a thing other than learning the nursery rhymes earlier.
For now the current set-up works for us; we are all happy.For now the current set-up works for us; we are all happy.
With regard to the future - when Ella goes to school I'll go back to work or open my own business, and we haven't ruled out the possibility of a brother or sister for Ella.With regard to the future - when Ella goes to school I'll go back to work or open my own business, and we haven't ruled out the possibility of a brother or sister for Ella.
When these things happen, my priorities in life will change and that change will always be for the better good of my family.When these things happen, my priorities in life will change and that change will always be for the better good of my family.
CLARE'S STORYCLARE'S STORY
We knew even before I was pregnant that I would have to go back to work full-time.We knew even before I was pregnant that I would have to go back to work full-time.
There were two reasons for this. First of all, Riad's salary was much less than mine and would barely cover the childcare. To us, it seemed pointless him working just to pay for childcare.There were two reasons for this. First of all, Riad's salary was much less than mine and would barely cover the childcare. To us, it seemed pointless him working just to pay for childcare.
Secondly, Riad has always been of the opinion that a child's early important formative years should be spent with at least one of the parents.Secondly, Riad has always been of the opinion that a child's early important formative years should be spent with at least one of the parents.
So in effect our decision was made for us because of financial reasons, but it actually suited us perfectly.So in effect our decision was made for us because of financial reasons, but it actually suited us perfectly.
I also knew that I wanted to go back - but I did consider fewer hours for a time - I've always enjoyed my job and this never changed.I also knew that I wanted to go back - but I did consider fewer hours for a time - I've always enjoyed my job and this never changed.
Having Riad at home means Clare can concentrate on her jobHaving Riad at home means Clare can concentrate on her job
Before making our decision we had looked at a couple of nurseries and childminders. But although they were all absolutely fine we both felt that Ella would be lacking one-on-one care. Also we are parents that are very much into routine and I think this would have been impossible to maintain at a nursery or with a childminder.Before making our decision we had looked at a couple of nurseries and childminders. But although they were all absolutely fine we both felt that Ella would be lacking one-on-one care. Also we are parents that are very much into routine and I think this would have been impossible to maintain at a nursery or with a childminder.
As far as returning to work goes I made a conscious effort that having a baby shouldn't effect how I did my job. Of course, it was strange coming back to work after spending nine months at home and it took me a while to get back into the swing of things.As far as returning to work goes I made a conscious effort that having a baby shouldn't effect how I did my job. Of course, it was strange coming back to work after spending nine months at home and it took me a while to get back into the swing of things.
Also at the beginning I was a lot more tired because of the broken nights, but I even became used to this in time. Now things work perfectly. So if I need to work late, I can without needing to worry about getting home to pick Ella up from a childminder or nursery. Also if she's sick I don't need to take a day off work.Also at the beginning I was a lot more tired because of the broken nights, but I even became used to this in time. Now things work perfectly. So if I need to work late, I can without needing to worry about getting home to pick Ella up from a childminder or nursery. Also if she's sick I don't need to take a day off work.
Despite all this I have made some sacrifices.Despite all this I have made some sacrifices.
Of course I really miss not seeing much of Ella in the week. I literally see her for half-an-hour every morning and not at all in the evening as she's in bed by the time I get home. It just means that the weekends and my time with Ella is even more important.Of course I really miss not seeing much of Ella in the week. I literally see her for half-an-hour every morning and not at all in the evening as she's in bed by the time I get home. It just means that the weekends and my time with Ella is even more important.
Overall, though, if I had to go back and do it again I would - if it was the right thing at that time for us. Obviously it would depend on the financial circumstances of both Riad and me at the time. And I do think we could have more children, well one anyway.Overall, though, if I had to go back and do it again I would - if it was the right thing at that time for us. Obviously it would depend on the financial circumstances of both Riad and me at the time. And I do think we could have more children, well one anyway.
As for Riad, I think he would like to get back to work as soon as he can, possibly doing something from home, so if we do have more children there would be a bit of flexibility.As for Riad, I think he would like to get back to work as soon as he can, possibly doing something from home, so if we do have more children there would be a bit of flexibility.
The Trouble With Working Women, a two-part special on women's issues in the workplace, is broadcast 18 and 19 May at 2100 BST on BBC Two.The Trouble With Working Women, a two-part special on women's issues in the workplace, is broadcast 18 and 19 May at 2100 BST on BBC Two.