Despite what Elton John sang, sorry seems to come easy these daysSaying sorry used to be a way of apologising, but these days the s-word has come to mean many different things, and its heavy use says much about modern British attitudes.
Despite what Elton John sang, sorry seems to come easy these daysSaying sorry used to be a way of apologising, but these days the s-word has come to mean many different things, and its heavy use says much about modern British attitudes.
"It always seems to me that sorry seems to be the hardest word."
"It always seems to me that sorry seems to be the hardest word."
So sang a bespectacled, flares-wearing Elton John in his famous 1976 hit Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.
So sang a bespectacled, flares-wearing Elton John in his famous 1976 hit Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.
Not anymore, Elton. Today, sorry seems to be the easiest word.
Not anymore, Elton. Today, sorry seems to be the easiest word.
According to a survey of 1,100 people conducted by Esure car insurance company (famous for their "Calm down dear!" adverts starring Michael Winner), the average Brit will say sorry a staggering 1.9 million times in his or her lifetime.
According to a survey of 1,100 people conducted by Esure car insurance company (famous for their "Calm down dear!" adverts starring Michael Winner), the average Brit will say sorry a staggering 1.9 million times in his or her lifetime.
The word sorry is uttered 368 million times per day in the UK.
The word sorry is uttered 368 million times per day in the UK.
The s-word was traditionally used to express regret for having done something wrong. Now, according to Esure, it appears to have "transformed into a common and over-used figure of speech that makes its way into most daily conversations".
The s-word was traditionally used to express regret for having done something wrong. Now, according to Esure, it appears to have "transformed into a common and over-used figure of speech that makes its way into most daily conversations".
WHO DO WE SAY SORRY TO? 37% of our use is aimed at partners19% to strangers14% to our children14% to work colleagues8% to friends5% to parents3% to siblings1% to the boss These days, we use the word sorry not only to express sorrow for a misdemeanour, but also as an alternative to "pardon" ("Sorry, I didn't quite catch that") and "excuse me" (as in saying sorry when we bump into someone - or even, rather bizarrely, when they bump into us).
WHO DO WE SAY SORRY TO? 37% of our use is aimed at partners19% to strangers14% to our children14% to work colleagues8% to friends5% to parents3% to siblings1% to the boss These days, we use the word sorry not only to express sorrow for a misdemeanour, but also as an alternative to "pardon" ("Sorry, I didn't quite catch that") and "excuse me" (as in saying sorry when we bump into someone - or even, rather bizarrely, when they bump into us).
The average Brit says sorry often, but admits that they don't mean it more than a third of the time.
The average Brit says sorry often, but admits that they don't mean it more than a third of the time.
A majority of Britons - 86% - believe that people use the s-word flippantly, as a cheap and convenient way of excusing anti-social or inappropriate behaviour.
A majority of Britons - 86% - believe that people use the s-word flippantly, as a cheap and convenient way of excusing anti-social or inappropriate behaviour.
Indeed, Esure found that saying sorry for actually having done something wrong - the traditional use of the word - is now at the bottom of the list of reasons why people utter the word.
Indeed, Esure found that saying sorry for actually having done something wrong - the traditional use of the word - is now at the bottom of the list of reasons why people utter the word.
In the top five reasons for saying sorry,
In the top five reasons for saying sorry,
• number one is when we don't have time to speak to someone or do something ("Sorry, I don't have time to talk right now");• two is to apologise on someone else's behalf, such as our children, a partner or a colleague ("Sorry, little Jimmy is always smashing things");• three is when we didn't hear what someone was saying ("Sorry, can you repeat that?"); • in fourth place is when you want something to be explained to you again ("Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean");• and right at the bottom, at five, is when we actually feel the need to apologise for having double-crossed, lied to or let someone down - "I'm sorry."
• number one is when we don't have time to speak to someone or do something ("Sorry, I don't have time to talk right now");• two is to apologise on someone else's behalf, such as our children, a partner or a colleague ("Sorry, little Jimmy is always smashing things");• three is when we didn't hear what someone was saying ("Sorry, can you repeat that?"); • in fourth place is when you want something to be explained to you again ("Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean");• and right at the bottom, at five, is when we actually feel the need to apologise for having double-crossed, lied to or let someone down - "I'm sorry."
Sorry is a "tick of the nervous middle-class caricature in old sitcoms"We are most likely to say sorry to our partners, and least likely to say it to the boss.
Sorry is a "tick of the nervous middle-class caricature in old sitcoms"We are most likely to say sorry to our partners, and least likely to say it to the boss.
Twenty-seven percent of our uses of the word sorry are aimed at our partners; 19% are said to strangers; 14% to our children; 14% to work colleagues; 8% to friends; 5% to parents; 3% to siblings; and just 1% to the boss-man (or woman).
Twenty-seven percent of our uses of the word sorry are aimed at our partners; 19% are said to strangers; 14% to our children; 14% to work colleagues; 8% to friends; 5% to parents; 3% to siblings; and just 1% to the boss-man (or woman).
It seems Britain is developing a reputation as a nation of sorry-sayers.
It seems Britain is developing a reputation as a nation of sorry-sayers.
One textbook for foreign people learning English, published by Longman in 1997, has a section on our peculiar use of the word "sorry".
One textbook for foreign people learning English, published by Longman in 1997, has a section on our peculiar use of the word "sorry".
Next to a set of illustrations of Brits saying sorry in various situations - "Sorry, can I say something?", "Sorry, you've given me the wrong change" - the book explains, "When people say 'sorry' in English, they are not always apologising". It then asks: "Do you use the same word for all these situations in your language?"
Next to a set of illustrations of Brits saying sorry in various situations - "Sorry, can I say something?", "Sorry, you've given me the wrong change" - the book explains, "When people say 'sorry' in English, they are not always apologising". It then asks: "Do you use the same word for all these situations in your language?"
The theatrical, public mea culpa is about ostentatiously displaying oneself in an appealing light Ed Barrett How did sorry become the easiest word? It used to be uttered sparingly, as a way of confessing both guilt and sorrow for a mistake. According to one Dictionary of Etymology, sorry has its origins in the Old English word 'Sarig', meaning "distressed, full of sorrow." Now we use it to mean everything from "What?" to "Whatever".
The theatrical, public mea culpa is about ostentatiously displaying oneself in an appealing light Ed Barrett How did sorry become the easiest word? It used to be uttered sparingly, as a way of confessing both guilt and sorrow for a mistake. According to one Dictionary of Etymology, sorry has its origins in the Old English word 'Sarig', meaning "distressed, full of sorrow." Now we use it to mean everything from "What?" to "Whatever".
What explains Britons' endless apologetics, our over-reliance on the s-word in all sorts of situations?
What explains Britons' endless apologetics, our over-reliance on the s-word in all sorts of situations?
For Mark Tyrell, a psychotherapist at Uncommon Knowledge, a group that promotes personal development and emotional intelligence, a lingering culture of deference is to blame.
For Mark Tyrrell, a psychotherapist at Uncommon Knowledge, a group that promotes personal development and emotional intelligence, a lingering culture of deference is to blame.
"Saying sorry so much is a deep-rooted British characteristic. The class system is largely to blame, as 'sorry' comes out of politeness, which is there for social cohesion.
"Saying sorry so much is a deep-rooted British characteristic. The class system is largely to blame, as 'sorry' comes out of politeness, which is there for social cohesion.
"The new middle classes had to apologise for no longer being working class, but also for not really being upper class either. The vast majority of Brits belong to the middle classes so saying sorry has become endemic."
"The new middle classes had to apologise for no longer being working class, but also for not really being upper class either. The vast majority of Brits belong to the middle classes so saying sorry has become endemic."
Tyrell believes we also play games with the s-word, sometimes using it to our advantage.
Tyrrell believes we also play games with the s-word, sometimes using it to our advantage.
Sorry - the Pope said he was after offending Muslims last year"[In some situations], one partner tries to emotionally blackmail the other so they feel somehow at fault or guilty.
Sorry - the Pope said he was after offending Muslims last year"[In some situations], one partner tries to emotionally blackmail the other so they feel somehow at fault or guilty.
"We also say sorry a lot if we feel that we are to blame for something - which is called 'internalising' - such as when someone bumps into you and you end up saying sorry to them instead of the other way round."
"We also say sorry a lot if we feel that we are to blame for something - which is called 'internalising' - such as when someone bumps into you and you end up saying sorry to them instead of the other way round."
Ed Barrett, a columnist for the satirical website Anorak who has written on modern manners and mores, thinks we sometimes say sorry to show that we are good, upstanding moral citizens, rather than as a way of actually taking responsibility for some wrong or other.
Ed Barrett, a columnist for the satirical website Anorak who has written on modern manners and mores, thinks we sometimes say sorry to show that we are good, upstanding moral citizens, rather than as a way of actually taking responsibility for some wrong or other.
"Sorry is the comic tick of the nervous middle-class caricature found in old sitcoms", he says.
"Sorry is the comic tick of the nervous middle-class caricature found in old sitcoms", he says.
"And then today there is a rise in the theatrical public mea culpa apology - such as Blair's half-apology for slavery - which is usually about ostentatiously displaying oneself in an appealing light. It has nothing to do with contrition."
"And then today there is a rise in the theatrical public mea culpa apology - such as Blair's half-apology for slavery - which is usually about ostentatiously displaying oneself in an appealing light. It has nothing to do with contrition."
Barrett thinks there was actually something positive in the old "culture of deference", and it was a world away from today's narcissistic fashion for public apologising.
Barrett thinks there was actually something positive in the old "culture of deference", and it was a world away from today's narcissistic fashion for public apologising.
"Deference was not the same as subservience. Deference means paying people respect and treating them courteously out of deference to their age, position, experience or the service that they provide you. It is not just a case of looking up to people; it's as much about paying deference to your juniors or 'inferiors' as it is vice versa.
"Deference was not the same as subservience. Deference means paying people respect and treating them courteously out of deference to their age, position, experience or the service that they provide you. It is not just a case of looking up to people; it's as much about paying deference to your juniors or 'inferiors' as it is vice versa.
"True manners, true politeness, are about being considerate and thoughtful."
"True manners, true politeness, are about being considerate and thoughtful."
And perhaps if we were more truly thoughtful these days, we wouldn't be using "sorry" as a default word - almost as a get-out clause - everywhere from the home to the workplace to the street corner.
And perhaps if we were more truly thoughtful these days, we wouldn't be using "sorry" as a default word - almost as a get-out clause - everywhere from the home to the workplace to the street corner.
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