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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| 'One day I'll watch my son die' | 'One day I'll watch my son die' |
| (30 minutes later) | |
| No-one can truly understand what the Camerons are going through after the death of a child. But for parents like Claire Bates, whose son has cerebral palsy and epilepsy, it is an experience they are dreading. | No-one can truly understand what the Camerons are going through after the death of a child. But for parents like Claire Bates, whose son has cerebral palsy and epilepsy, it is an experience they are dreading. |
| One day, I will watch my son die. | One day, I will watch my son die. |
| My husband - my rock - says it's just something else we will deal with together, as we have everything else that Noah's difficult life has bestowed on him and us. | My husband - my rock - says it's just something else we will deal with together, as we have everything else that Noah's difficult life has bestowed on him and us. |
| But I don't want to deal with it. I really don't. Every single day I think about life without him. | But I don't want to deal with it. I really don't. Every single day I think about life without him. |
| But until this morning, I'd not actually thought about what it would be like when it happened. Whatever the differences in our circumstances, David and Samantha's lives felt like my life and they struck a very personal chord with me. | But until this morning, I'd not actually thought about what it would be like when it happened. Whatever the differences in our circumstances, David and Samantha's lives felt like my life and they struck a very personal chord with me. |
| Ivan had cerebral palsy and every day they faced the challenges I do. We dreamed he'd walk out on the Lords outfield as England cricket captain | Ivan had cerebral palsy and every day they faced the challenges I do. We dreamed he'd walk out on the Lords outfield as England cricket captain |
| When I heard today's news about his death, I pulled over my car, took deep breaths and watched my hands begin to shake. | When I heard today's news about his death, I pulled over my car, took deep breaths and watched my hands begin to shake. |
| My middle son asked me why we weren't going to pre-school. I told him a special boy like Noah had died and a family just like us was very sad. | My middle son asked me why we weren't going to pre-school. I told him a special boy like Noah had died and a family just like us was very sad. |
| Our son Noah Elliot Bates was born at 1908 GMT on Boxing Day 2002. That makes him six - the same age as Ivan. | Our son Noah Elliot Bates was born at 1908 GMT on Boxing Day 2002. That makes him six - the same age as Ivan. |
| Mine had been a perfect pregnancy. I adored my bump, I'd had no sickness and textbook scans. Paul and I knew we were having a boy and named him Noah. | Mine had been a perfect pregnancy. I adored my bump, I'd had no sickness and textbook scans. Paul and I knew we were having a boy and named him Noah. |
| Daddy chatted to his unborn boy every night. We dreamed he'd walk out on the Lords outfield as England cricket captain, after, that is, he'd been to Oxford where he'd got a First in English. | Daddy chatted to his unborn boy every night. We dreamed he'd walk out on the Lords outfield as England cricket captain, after, that is, he'd been to Oxford where he'd got a First in English. |
| Fed by pump | Fed by pump |
| He'd marry a lovely girl and live in a lovely house, with lovely children and a lovely dog. Lovely. | He'd marry a lovely girl and live in a lovely house, with lovely children and a lovely dog. Lovely. |
| My waters broke Christmas Day night - the day Noah was due - and 25 hours later he made his way into the world. Silently. | My waters broke Christmas Day night - the day Noah was due - and 25 hours later he made his way into the world. Silently. |
| I asked the midwife over and over why he wasn't crying. I remember pleading to know what was happening. I hadn't even seen his tiny, damp face. He'd gone straight out of the door.Like Ivan, Noah is a six-year-old with cerebral palsy and epilepsy | I asked the midwife over and over why he wasn't crying. I remember pleading to know what was happening. I hadn't even seen his tiny, damp face. He'd gone straight out of the door.Like Ivan, Noah is a six-year-old with cerebral palsy and epilepsy |
| Two hours later we were reunited, of sorts. He lay in an incubator in the special care unit hooked to wires, tubes and bleeping machines. | Two hours later we were reunited, of sorts. He lay in an incubator in the special care unit hooked to wires, tubes and bleeping machines. |
| Noah had, for some as yet unexplained reason, simply not taken his first breath. The starvation of oxygen had caused severe damage to his brain. | Noah had, for some as yet unexplained reason, simply not taken his first breath. The starvation of oxygen had caused severe damage to his brain. |
| Brain damaged. Mentally handicapped. Spastic. Call it whatever PC or un-PC name you will. It all means the same: I am the mother of child with cerebral palsy who will need me to feed him and change his nappy for the rest of his and my life. | Brain damaged. Mentally handicapped. Spastic. Call it whatever PC or un-PC name you will. It all means the same: I am the mother of child with cerebral palsy who will need me to feed him and change his nappy for the rest of his and my life. |
| He also has epilepsy - just like Ivan - and fits several times a minute. | He also has epilepsy - just like Ivan - and fits several times a minute. |
| Last August, we were told he was extremely unlikely to live beyond 18. | Last August, we were told he was extremely unlikely to live beyond 18. |
| Quadraplegia doesn't just extend to limbs, but sometimes to organs too. Noah can't swallow correctly because of it. Every second or third swallow goes directly onto his lungs, so he is fed overnight by a pump pushing nutritionally complete sachets of feed via a "button" surgically inserted into his tummy. The thoughts and prayers of the whole country are with David, Samantha and their family Gordon Brown Cameron's son Ivan dies | Quadraplegia doesn't just extend to limbs, but sometimes to organs too. Noah can't swallow correctly because of it. Every second or third swallow goes directly onto his lungs, so he is fed overnight by a pump pushing nutritionally complete sachets of feed via a "button" surgically inserted into his tummy. The thoughts and prayers of the whole country are with David, Samantha and their family Gordon Brown Cameron's son Ivan dies |
| Because he swallows onto his lungs, he is very susceptible to pneumonia (he has had it three times) so this drastically reduces his life expectancy. Brain damage itself is not necessarily a reason to shorten lifespan. It's more likely pneumonia or Noah's epilepsy that will kill him. | Because he swallows onto his lungs, he is very susceptible to pneumonia (he has had it three times) so this drastically reduces his life expectancy. Brain damage itself is not necessarily a reason to shorten lifespan. It's more likely pneumonia or Noah's epilepsy that will kill him. |
| People ask me what that felt like, how we reacted to being told. I want to scream at them. | People ask me what that felt like, how we reacted to being told. I want to scream at them. |
| It felt - and feels - exactly the same way it would feel if someone told you your healthy child would die prematurely. People seem to think that because Noah's quality of life is minimal that somehow, that kind of news has less impact, it wouldn't hurt as much. | It felt - and feels - exactly the same way it would feel if someone told you your healthy child would die prematurely. People seem to think that because Noah's quality of life is minimal that somehow, that kind of news has less impact, it wouldn't hurt as much. |
| It hurts very much. However Noah is, he's my son and guess what, I love him. Totally unconditionally. His disability means nothing to our family.Last year, Claire was told Noah was unlikely to see his 20s | It hurts very much. However Noah is, he's my son and guess what, I love him. Totally unconditionally. His disability means nothing to our family.Last year, Claire was told Noah was unlikely to see his 20s |
| I became obsessive about photographing him, touching him and smelling him. I bought a beautiful wooden box with a Noah's ark painted on it, as a "memory box" to put inside shoes, socks, pictures, Mother's Day cards, handprints, even a syringe - one of the 12 a day we use for his medication. | I became obsessive about photographing him, touching him and smelling him. I bought a beautiful wooden box with a Noah's ark painted on it, as a "memory box" to put inside shoes, socks, pictures, Mother's Day cards, handprints, even a syringe - one of the 12 a day we use for his medication. |
| I began to resent him going to school - taking precious time away from me - and cancelled visits to all but the closest of friends, paranoid that any time not entirely devoted to Noah was a waste. | I began to resent him going to school - taking precious time away from me - and cancelled visits to all but the closest of friends, paranoid that any time not entirely devoted to Noah was a waste. |
| Slowly, "normal" - I hate that word! - life resumed after "the Noah news" and I realised that our lives had to involve the humdrum, they had to tick along like other people's, not only for our sake but for Noah to whom routine means everything. | Slowly, "normal" - I hate that word! - life resumed after "the Noah news" and I realised that our lives had to involve the humdrum, they had to tick along like other people's, not only for our sake but for Noah to whom routine means everything. |
| But on days like today, I do think about what it will be like in that hospital room, watching my gorgeous son slip away from me and I wonder why some people have to go through such pain. | But on days like today, I do think about what it will be like in that hospital room, watching my gorgeous son slip away from me and I wonder why some people have to go through such pain. |
| My good friend - an Army padre - could never give me an answer for it, and I haven't found one. Noah's legacy will not be the way he giggled, the way he kicked a football or the way he hugged me | My good friend - an Army padre - could never give me an answer for it, and I haven't found one. Noah's legacy will not be the way he giggled, the way he kicked a football or the way he hugged me |
| People find it hard to imagine that a child like Noah can "give something back" to their parents. He can't smile, he can't speak and he probably doesn't even know who his mummy is but he gives back in so many incredible ways. | People find it hard to imagine that a child like Noah can "give something back" to their parents. He can't smile, he can't speak and he probably doesn't even know who his mummy is but he gives back in so many incredible ways. |
| Noah's legacy will not be the way he giggled, the way he kicked a football or the way he hugged me. It will be the way he taught me about unselfish love, about the tolerance my other two beautiful boys already have, about truly what is important in life and what's irrelevant and about the strength he has given to Paul and I that has made our family a loving, indestructible unit. | Noah's legacy will not be the way he giggled, the way he kicked a football or the way he hugged me. It will be the way he taught me about unselfish love, about the tolerance my other two beautiful boys already have, about truly what is important in life and what's irrelevant and about the strength he has given to Paul and I that has made our family a loving, indestructible unit. |
| He has also given us great joy and laughter - in ways I couldn't begin to describe. | He has also given us great joy and laughter - in ways I couldn't begin to describe. |
| I won't insult the Camerons by pretending to know how it feels for them today but I admire them for their stoical determination to make Ivan's life a good one and thank them for giving me - and the hundreds of other families in similar positions - a silent strength. | I won't insult the Camerons by pretending to know how it feels for them today but I admire them for their stoical determination to make Ivan's life a good one and thank them for giving me - and the hundreds of other families in similar positions - a silent strength. |
| Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |
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