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Married but Living Far Apart Married but Living Far Apart
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Ian Derrer and Daniel James were married in August 2019 in the garden room of a restaurant in Santa Fe, N.M., with each of their 19 guests reading aloud lyrics to the couple’s favorite Stephen Sondheim love songs. After staying in Santa Fe for a weeklong honeymoon, during which they hiked at Bandelier National Monument and enjoyed the opera “La Bohème,” the couple drove to Dallas, where Mr. Derrer, 45, lives. The next day, Mr. James, 33, left for Houston, where he lives.Ian Derrer and Daniel James were married in August 2019 in the garden room of a restaurant in Santa Fe, N.M., with each of their 19 guests reading aloud lyrics to the couple’s favorite Stephen Sondheim love songs. After staying in Santa Fe for a weeklong honeymoon, during which they hiked at Bandelier National Monument and enjoyed the opera “La Bohème,” the couple drove to Dallas, where Mr. Derrer, 45, lives. The next day, Mr. James, 33, left for Houston, where he lives.
Through four years of dating and seven months of marriage, the couple have never lived together. Most Fridays, one of them makes the 244-mile drive between the Texas cities. “It’s not a date night, it’s a date weekend,” said Mr. Derrer, or what he likes to call “concentrated bliss.” With their time together limited, Mr. James added, “it’s not worth it to get angry or annoyed by some little thing.” They live separately for their careers — both work in opera administration — and would be reluctant to ask the other to give up a job he loves.Through four years of dating and seven months of marriage, the couple have never lived together. Most Fridays, one of them makes the 244-mile drive between the Texas cities. “It’s not a date night, it’s a date weekend,” said Mr. Derrer, or what he likes to call “concentrated bliss.” With their time together limited, Mr. James added, “it’s not worth it to get angry or annoyed by some little thing.” They live separately for their careers — both work in opera administration — and would be reluctant to ask the other to give up a job he loves.
Long-distance marriages are not uncommon. Couples are getting married while living hundreds or even thousands of miles from each other because of their careers. But for some, the coronavirus has thrown a wrench into their lives. Many are no longer willing to get on a plane, which for one couple means they are not sure when they will see each other again. For another pair, visits now involve a 13-hour car trip. Mr. Derrer and Mr. James are actually living in the same place for the first time, thanks to their jobs going remote during the crisis.Long-distance marriages are not uncommon. Couples are getting married while living hundreds or even thousands of miles from each other because of their careers. But for some, the coronavirus has thrown a wrench into their lives. Many are no longer willing to get on a plane, which for one couple means they are not sure when they will see each other again. For another pair, visits now involve a 13-hour car trip. Mr. Derrer and Mr. James are actually living in the same place for the first time, thanks to their jobs going remote during the crisis.
Some couples had always planned for their separation to be short-lived, so they are waiting out the time by increasing their hours on FaceTime. Others are finding the crisis has cast a shadow over an arrangement that they have maintained for a decade or more.Some couples had always planned for their separation to be short-lived, so they are waiting out the time by increasing their hours on FaceTime. Others are finding the crisis has cast a shadow over an arrangement that they have maintained for a decade or more.
Danielle J. Lindemann, a sociologist and the author of “Commuter Spouses: New Families in a Changing World,” said that most of the 97 couples she interviewed for her 2019 book felt the arrangement was necessary to keep the momentum going in their careers. Those who study these couples, who are part of a group known as LATs (living apart together), agree that their numbers are on the rise, though figures are hard to come by, according to Ms. Lindemann.Danielle J. Lindemann, a sociologist and the author of “Commuter Spouses: New Families in a Changing World,” said that most of the 97 couples she interviewed for her 2019 book felt the arrangement was necessary to keep the momentum going in their careers. Those who study these couples, who are part of a group known as LATs (living apart together), agree that their numbers are on the rise, though figures are hard to come by, according to Ms. Lindemann.
Most of the couples Ms. Lindemann spoke with were highly educated. But their specialized training, she said, “shrank their universe of available job choices, as they saw it, rather than expanding it, as we might expect.”Most of the couples Ms. Lindemann spoke with were highly educated. But their specialized training, she said, “shrank their universe of available job choices, as they saw it, rather than expanding it, as we might expect.”
When Jimson Mullakary, 31, and Dr. Roshini Mullakary, 29, were dating, they used to joke that they were in a long-distance relationship because he was in Manhattan, where he works as an accountant, and she was a medical resident on Long Island. They now live 1,137 miles apart. When Dr. Mullakary was applying for fellowships, she found there were only a handful of programs in the New York City area in her specialty, allergy and immunology. Mr. Mullakary encouraged her to apply anywhere that she thought would give her the best experience.When Jimson Mullakary, 31, and Dr. Roshini Mullakary, 29, were dating, they used to joke that they were in a long-distance relationship because he was in Manhattan, where he works as an accountant, and she was a medical resident on Long Island. They now live 1,137 miles apart. When Dr. Mullakary was applying for fellowships, she found there were only a handful of programs in the New York City area in her specialty, allergy and immunology. Mr. Mullakary encouraged her to apply anywhere that she thought would give her the best experience.
“He’d say, ‘whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together,’” Dr. Mullakary said. He proposed in summer 2018 on a balcony overlooking the ocean on the Greek island of Santorini, and a few weeks later she moved to Rochester, Minn., to be a fellow at the Mayo Clinic. They were married last September.[Sign up for Love Letter and always get the latest in Modern Love, weddings, and relationships in the news by email.]“He’d say, ‘whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together,’” Dr. Mullakary said. He proposed in summer 2018 on a balcony overlooking the ocean on the Greek island of Santorini, and a few weeks later she moved to Rochester, Minn., to be a fellow at the Mayo Clinic. They were married last September.[Sign up for Love Letter and always get the latest in Modern Love, weddings, and relationships in the news by email.]
To bridge the distance between them, they send each other handwritten letters once a week and connect via FaceTime from their respective apartments while catching up on work, leaving it on for hours and talking intermittently. Every few weeks one flies in for a weekend visit. Living apart “has actually brought us closer together,” Mr. Mullakary said. His wife agreed: “It makes us not take each other for granted. And when we finally live together, we’ll appreciate it.”To bridge the distance between them, they send each other handwritten letters once a week and connect via FaceTime from their respective apartments while catching up on work, leaving it on for hours and talking intermittently. Every few weeks one flies in for a weekend visit. Living apart “has actually brought us closer together,” Mr. Mullakary said. His wife agreed: “It makes us not take each other for granted. And when we finally live together, we’ll appreciate it.”
With her fellowship ending in June, Dr. Mullakary is applying for jobs as an allergist in and around New York City. In March, Mr. Mullakary drove 20 hours to join his wife in Minnesota because he can work remotely during the current crisis.With her fellowship ending in June, Dr. Mullakary is applying for jobs as an allergist in and around New York City. In March, Mr. Mullakary drove 20 hours to join his wife in Minnesota because he can work remotely during the current crisis.
Many couples see living apart as a short-term solution to accommodate their careers, but sometimes it becomes a long-term arrangement. Patrick Donnelly, 50, and Alexandra Mascolo-David, 58, lived together in Mount Pleasant, Mich., when they married in 2000, but he moved away a year later for graduate school and she stayed. In the 19 years since, Mr. Donnelly’s career in arts administration has taken him from Pittsburgh (a six-hour drive from his wife) to Kalamazoo, Mich., (a two-hour drive) to Newark, Del., (a two-hour flight) and finally to Kansas City, Mo., (a two-hour flight plus a two-and-a-half-hour drive), where he has been for a decade.Many couples see living apart as a short-term solution to accommodate their careers, but sometimes it becomes a long-term arrangement. Patrick Donnelly, 50, and Alexandra Mascolo-David, 58, lived together in Mount Pleasant, Mich., when they married in 2000, but he moved away a year later for graduate school and she stayed. In the 19 years since, Mr. Donnelly’s career in arts administration has taken him from Pittsburgh (a six-hour drive from his wife) to Kalamazoo, Mich., (a two-hour drive) to Newark, Del., (a two-hour flight) and finally to Kansas City, Mo., (a two-hour flight plus a two-and-a-half-hour drive), where he has been for a decade.
Ms. Mascolo-David loves her job as a professor of piano at Central Michigan University, where she has remained through Mr. Donnelly’s moves. They never had children. “The goal is to live together,” Mr. Donnelly said. But the time “was never right,” Ms. Mascolo-David added.Ms. Mascolo-David loves her job as a professor of piano at Central Michigan University, where she has remained through Mr. Donnelly’s moves. They never had children. “The goal is to live together,” Mr. Donnelly said. But the time “was never right,” Ms. Mascolo-David added.
Their mettle was tested in 2010, when Ms. Mascolo-David suffered a brain aneurysm and underwent an eight-hour operation. Mr. Donnelly stayed with her for two weeks but then had to return to work. His parents came for a month to be with her. It was a difficult time. “I really craved being with him,” said Ms. Mascolo-David, who has fully recovered.Their mettle was tested in 2010, when Ms. Mascolo-David suffered a brain aneurysm and underwent an eight-hour operation. Mr. Donnelly stayed with her for two weeks but then had to return to work. His parents came for a month to be with her. It was a difficult time. “I really craved being with him,” said Ms. Mascolo-David, who has fully recovered.
They have been seeing each other on weekends about once a month. She also stays with him longer over university breaks, when she makes the 13-hour drive, with a hotel stay along the road, so she can bring their dogs. They have given up flying for the time being and will only visit each other by car. But the coronavirus “has opened my eyes to the reality of our situation,” Ms. Mascolo-David said. “I am determined to find ways to share a roof with Patrick sooner rather than later.”They have been seeing each other on weekends about once a month. She also stays with him longer over university breaks, when she makes the 13-hour drive, with a hotel stay along the road, so she can bring their dogs. They have given up flying for the time being and will only visit each other by car. But the coronavirus “has opened my eyes to the reality of our situation,” Ms. Mascolo-David said. “I am determined to find ways to share a roof with Patrick sooner rather than later.”
Military spouses often endure separations. Josh Dworkin and Meridith Wailes, both 30 and Navy lieutenants, are stationed 379 miles apart. He is an instructor at the Air Force Weapons School in Las Vegas, she is a judge advocate at the Naval Air Station in Lemoore, Calif. They bridge the gap by reading the same books and discussing them, but “it doesn’t really alleviate the loneliness of just not having her with me,” he said. One of them tries to makes the six-hour drive for a visit every couple of weeks, but the coronavirus has put an end to those trips for now. In mid-March, the Department of Defense issued a 60-day travel restriction that will keep them apart. They will be reunited this summer when both are transferred to Virginia.Military spouses often endure separations. Josh Dworkin and Meridith Wailes, both 30 and Navy lieutenants, are stationed 379 miles apart. He is an instructor at the Air Force Weapons School in Las Vegas, she is a judge advocate at the Naval Air Station in Lemoore, Calif. They bridge the gap by reading the same books and discussing them, but “it doesn’t really alleviate the loneliness of just not having her with me,” he said. One of them tries to makes the six-hour drive for a visit every couple of weeks, but the coronavirus has put an end to those trips for now. In mid-March, the Department of Defense issued a 60-day travel restriction that will keep them apart. They will be reunited this summer when both are transferred to Virginia.
Mr. Dworkin advised couples facing a separation “to talk openly and often” with each other. “Don’t let small things start to fester. It’s much harder to work them out if they do get bigger when you can’t do it in person.”Mr. Dworkin advised couples facing a separation “to talk openly and often” with each other. “Don’t let small things start to fester. It’s much harder to work them out if they do get bigger when you can’t do it in person.”
Many couples who are apart have a plan to live together, but not Lauren Class Schneider, 61, and Larry Moss, 64. They married in February, after having a long-distance relationship for 20 years, but each has stayed put — she in New York City and he in Chicago.Many couples who are apart have a plan to live together, but not Lauren Class Schneider, 61, and Larry Moss, 64. They married in February, after having a long-distance relationship for 20 years, but each has stayed put — she in New York City and he in Chicago.
“I’m too happy with our romance to want to make a change,” Ms. Schneider said. “We’re grown-ups who each made choices in our lifestyles that we are happy with.”“I’m too happy with our romance to want to make a change,” Ms. Schneider said. “We’re grown-ups who each made choices in our lifestyles that we are happy with.”
Mr. Moss, a semiretired lawyer, was previously married and has grown children. He goes to bed early so he can be up at 4:40 a.m. to teach a boot-camp fitness class twice a week. She’s in the theater business and is often out late at shows (though not at the moment as Broadway has been shuttered).Mr. Moss, a semiretired lawyer, was previously married and has grown children. He goes to bed early so he can be up at 4:40 a.m. to teach a boot-camp fitness class twice a week. She’s in the theater business and is often out late at shows (though not at the moment as Broadway has been shuttered).
Being together just a few days a month means they still act like newlyweds, sitting on the same side of the table at a restaurant so they can hold hands. They would fly to each other’s city for just one night if they can’t spend the whole weekend — a fly by, they call it. They light Shabbat candles together on FaceTime and hide notes in each other’s apartment.Being together just a few days a month means they still act like newlyweds, sitting on the same side of the table at a restaurant so they can hold hands. They would fly to each other’s city for just one night if they can’t spend the whole weekend — a fly by, they call it. They light Shabbat candles together on FaceTime and hide notes in each other’s apartment.
Such arrangements are “a hall pass from constant companionship,” Ms. Lindemann, the sociologist, said. One participant in her study explained, “You get the independence of being single and the benefits of marriage.”Such arrangements are “a hall pass from constant companionship,” Ms. Lindemann, the sociologist, said. One participant in her study explained, “You get the independence of being single and the benefits of marriage.”
And there are no fights over “roommate” issues, Ms. Schneider said: “For three or four days, if I have to live with his open drawers and shoes in the middle of the floor, I say, ‘OK, it’s three or four days.’ I put the lid down on the toilet.” Friends have told Ms. Schneider they envy her arrangement.And there are no fights over “roommate” issues, Ms. Schneider said: “For three or four days, if I have to live with his open drawers and shoes in the middle of the floor, I say, ‘OK, it’s three or four days.’ I put the lid down on the toilet.” Friends have told Ms. Schneider they envy her arrangement.
Will the couple ever live together? “Possibly in the retirement home,” she said. He suggested they would have “adjoining apartments, like adjoining hotel rooms with a door. That might work for us.”Will the couple ever live together? “Possibly in the retirement home,” she said. He suggested they would have “adjoining apartments, like adjoining hotel rooms with a door. That might work for us.”
Updated June 12, 2020Updated June 12, 2020
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.
The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.
Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.
Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.
States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.
Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.
If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)
Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications.Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications.
The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.
If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.
If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.
They are hearty travelers, but the coronavirus has put their commuting plans in flux. They don’t know when they will see each other again.They are hearty travelers, but the coronavirus has put their commuting plans in flux. They don’t know when they will see each other again.
“I get so sad missing him, compounded with all the doubt about when we get to restore our easy travel to each other’s cities,” Ms. Schneider said. To keep connected, they exercise together via FaceTime and tune in to the same lectures, synagogue services and musical events via Zoom. “I put on lipstick, comb my hair and put on jewelry that Larry has given me,” Ms. Schneider said. When they spot each other, they say hello with the Carol Burnett “ear tug.” And, Mr. Moss added, “in the absence of physical intimacy, we are exploring modes of long-distance intimacy.”“I get so sad missing him, compounded with all the doubt about when we get to restore our easy travel to each other’s cities,” Ms. Schneider said. To keep connected, they exercise together via FaceTime and tune in to the same lectures, synagogue services and musical events via Zoom. “I put on lipstick, comb my hair and put on jewelry that Larry has given me,” Ms. Schneider said. When they spot each other, they say hello with the Carol Burnett “ear tug.” And, Mr. Moss added, “in the absence of physical intimacy, we are exploring modes of long-distance intimacy.”
Pamela Hinchman, 64, a voice and opera professor at Northwestern University, married Ted DeDee, 70, last year. Her outlook on marriage had always been that “you don’t have to be glued to someone’s hip,” she said. (She has been divorced twice, and he was a widower.)Pamela Hinchman, 64, a voice and opera professor at Northwestern University, married Ted DeDee, 70, last year. Her outlook on marriage had always been that “you don’t have to be glued to someone’s hip,” she said. (She has been divorced twice, and he was a widower.)
When they got engaged in 2018, he was living a two-and-a-half-hour drive away in Madison, Wis., with no plans to move in with her in Evanston, Ill., though he was retired. When he told her that the La Jolla Music Society in California needed a new chief executive, she told him, “That’s perfect for you.” Six months before their wedding, he came out of retirement to take the job.When they got engaged in 2018, he was living a two-and-a-half-hour drive away in Madison, Wis., with no plans to move in with her in Evanston, Ill., though he was retired. When he told her that the La Jolla Music Society in California needed a new chief executive, she told him, “That’s perfect for you.” Six months before their wedding, he came out of retirement to take the job.
For nearly a year, they have flown more than four hours about twice a month to see each other.For nearly a year, they have flown more than four hours about twice a month to see each other.
But in January, Mr. DeDee decided he would leave his job in June to focus on a health issue. When the coronavirus threat ramped up, he said he moved up his departure to mid-March “so I can be with my wife, simple as that.”But in January, Mr. DeDee decided he would leave his job in June to focus on a health issue. When the coronavirus threat ramped up, he said he moved up his departure to mid-March “so I can be with my wife, simple as that.”
The coronavirus has changed Ms. Hinchman’s outlook, too. “It’s surprising to both of us, but life together has been put into perspective,” she said.The coronavirus has changed Ms. Hinchman’s outlook, too. “It’s surprising to both of us, but life together has been put into perspective,” she said.
In the face of so much uncertainty and fear, what she most wants is to be with her husband. “Now the biggest priority is being there for each other, in person.”In the face of so much uncertainty and fear, what she most wants is to be with her husband. “Now the biggest priority is being there for each other, in person.”
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