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| Overheard on Zoom: Co-Workers Talking About My ‘Weird’ Habits | Overheard on Zoom: Co-Workers Talking About My ‘Weird’ Habits |
| (about 1 month later) | |
| I had two Zoom meetings at the same time at the university where I work. I told my boss I wasn’t sure how long the first one would last, but I doubted I would make his meeting. As it happened, the first one was short, so I popped into my boss’s meeting. When I got there, my co-workers were screaming with laughter, and I heard my boss say: “The other weird thing Lauren does is….” But then he realized I was there and stopped. My co-workers looked uncomfortable, and my boss pivoted quickly by asking about my first meeting. I was mortified! It was all I could do not to cry. How can I find out what weird things I do, so I can stop? I don’t want to be the office weirdo. | I had two Zoom meetings at the same time at the university where I work. I told my boss I wasn’t sure how long the first one would last, but I doubted I would make his meeting. As it happened, the first one was short, so I popped into my boss’s meeting. When I got there, my co-workers were screaming with laughter, and I heard my boss say: “The other weird thing Lauren does is….” But then he realized I was there and stopped. My co-workers looked uncomfortable, and my boss pivoted quickly by asking about my first meeting. I was mortified! It was all I could do not to cry. How can I find out what weird things I do, so I can stop? I don’t want to be the office weirdo. |
| LAUREN | LAUREN |
| It is wildly unfair that you are the one feeling mortified, Lauren. And if you aren’t angry with your boss by the time you finish reading this answer, I will have failed you. He made fun of you, behind your back, to your co-workers. That is mean and unprofessional. | It is wildly unfair that you are the one feeling mortified, Lauren. And if you aren’t angry with your boss by the time you finish reading this answer, I will have failed you. He made fun of you, behind your back, to your co-workers. That is mean and unprofessional. |
| I get your impulse to worry about your behavior when you catch other people laughing at it. But I won’t join you in blaming the victim here. Your boss’s cruelty (along with his greater power) outweighs any possible eccentricity of yours. Trust me and put aside your self-consciousness for a minute. | I get your impulse to worry about your behavior when you catch other people laughing at it. But I won’t join you in blaming the victim here. Your boss’s cruelty (along with his greater power) outweighs any possible eccentricity of yours. Trust me and put aside your self-consciousness for a minute. |
| Report the incident to your human resources officer. The fact that your boss didn’t apologize immediately after the meeting suggests he’s not a good enough manager to resolve his lapse in judgment on his own. If he has constructive criticism for you, fine. But I don’t want you working in a snake pit. | Report the incident to your human resources officer. The fact that your boss didn’t apologize immediately after the meeting suggests he’s not a good enough manager to resolve his lapse in judgment on his own. If he has constructive criticism for you, fine. But I don’t want you working in a snake pit. |
| This is a confusing time for many of us. We’re working, but we’re also at home — which can lead to some unprofessional moments. But cruelty toward colleagues is never OK. You can talk with H.R. about “weird” behavior, if you like. But don’t let that be the takeaway here. Everyone deserves respect. | This is a confusing time for many of us. We’re working, but we’re also at home — which can lead to some unprofessional moments. But cruelty toward colleagues is never OK. You can talk with H.R. about “weird” behavior, if you like. But don’t let that be the takeaway here. Everyone deserves respect. |
| My boyfriend and I make less than $75,000 each. We’re still employed and working comfortably from home. Neither of us is at risk of being laid off. We recently bought a house and have costly repairs to do before we can move in. Is it selfish to spend our $1,200 stimulus checks on fixing up the house, or should we donate the money to people in need? We want to do the right thing. | My boyfriend and I make less than $75,000 each. We’re still employed and working comfortably from home. Neither of us is at risk of being laid off. We recently bought a house and have costly repairs to do before we can move in. Is it selfish to spend our $1,200 stimulus checks on fixing up the house, or should we donate the money to people in need? We want to do the right thing. |
| I.K. | I.K. |
| Your economic impact payment is all yours to spend, save or donate any way you like. It doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing proposition, though. If you and your boyfriend are on solid financial footing — with a rainy-day fund and no mountain of credit card debt — consider a little of each. Spend some, donate some and save some. | Your economic impact payment is all yours to spend, save or donate any way you like. It doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing proposition, though. If you and your boyfriend are on solid financial footing — with a rainy-day fund and no mountain of credit card debt — consider a little of each. Spend some, donate some and save some. |
| Because helping to stock the local food bank for hungry neighbors is important, and so is supporting your roofer with work, if it can be done safely. You may have the luxury of doing both, and saving for unforeseen bumps in the road, too. | Because helping to stock the local food bank for hungry neighbors is important, and so is supporting your roofer with work, if it can be done safely. You may have the luxury of doing both, and saving for unforeseen bumps in the road, too. |
| My sister and I (in our 60s) live with our 95-year-old father. He is in good health, mentally sharp and stubborn. During the pandemic, my sister and I go out once a week for non-deliverable necessities. But our dad keeps insisting on going to the market himself for “essentials” (like his favorite brand of chocolate milk). He watches reputable news media that do not minimize the risks of the virus. We’re tired of arguing, and we always lose. What can we do aside from worry? | My sister and I (in our 60s) live with our 95-year-old father. He is in good health, mentally sharp and stubborn. During the pandemic, my sister and I go out once a week for non-deliverable necessities. But our dad keeps insisting on going to the market himself for “essentials” (like his favorite brand of chocolate milk). He watches reputable news media that do not minimize the risks of the virus. We’re tired of arguing, and we always lose. What can we do aside from worry? |
| DAUGHTER | DAUGHTER |
| Assuming your arguments focus on the health risks to your dad, try appealing to his paternal instincts, instead: Talk about the danger he may be creating for you and your sister on his shopping trips. If he’s still unpersuaded — whether out of denial, a sense of invincibility or fear turned upside down — beg him to consider the harm he may do to others in his path. And if all this fails, insist on strict social distancing and face masks. | Assuming your arguments focus on the health risks to your dad, try appealing to his paternal instincts, instead: Talk about the danger he may be creating for you and your sister on his shopping trips. If he’s still unpersuaded — whether out of denial, a sense of invincibility or fear turned upside down — beg him to consider the harm he may do to others in his path. And if all this fails, insist on strict social distancing and face masks. |
| If his real problem is feeling cooped up indoors (and not the existential need for chocolate milk), discuss the safest times and places for him to get out for some fresh air. | If his real problem is feeling cooped up indoors (and not the existential need for chocolate milk), discuss the safest times and places for him to get out for some fresh air. |
| Several years ago, my now former (and deceased) mother-in-law gave me her pearls. I appreciated the gesture. But I’m not the pearls type. I’m more T-shirts and jeans. Should I return the necklace to my ex, with whom I have no contact, so he can give it to his current wife, or may I sell it? | Several years ago, my now former (and deceased) mother-in-law gave me her pearls. I appreciated the gesture. But I’m not the pearls type. I’m more T-shirts and jeans. Should I return the necklace to my ex, with whom I have no contact, so he can give it to his current wife, or may I sell it? |
| Updated June 2, 2020 | |
| Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission. | |
| Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home. | |
| States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. | |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | |
| More than 40 million people — the equivalent of 1 in 4 U.S. workers — have filed for unemployment benefits since the pandemic took hold. One in five who were working in February reported losing a job or being furloughed in March or the beginning of April, data from a Federal Reserve survey released on May 14 showed, and that pain was highly concentrated among low earners. Fully 39 percent of former workers living in a household earning $40,000 or less lost work, compared with 13 percent in those making more than $100,000, a Fed official said. | |
| Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. | |
| The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. | |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | |
| If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. | |
| CHRIS | CHRIS |
| A gift is complete when it’s made. So, the pearls are yours to keep, sell or give away. Your mother-in-law likely gave them to you as a token of her affection. That may have changed with the divorce. But can you imagine the chaos of having to return gifts if relationships sour? (It would be enough to save the U.S. Postal Service!) | A gift is complete when it’s made. So, the pearls are yours to keep, sell or give away. Your mother-in-law likely gave them to you as a token of her affection. That may have changed with the divorce. But can you imagine the chaos of having to return gifts if relationships sour? (It would be enough to save the U.S. Postal Service!) |
| Or, you may know a descendant of hers who would prize the necklace as a family heirloom more than you prize its resale value. Either way, it’s your call. | Or, you may know a descendant of hers who would prize the necklace as a family heirloom more than you prize its resale value. Either way, it’s your call. |
| For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter. | For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter. |