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| Quarantined With a Newborn, Alone | Quarantined With a Newborn, Alone |
| (5 days later) | |
| When I gave birth to my son at the end of January, an unexpected miracle to me at the age of 45, I never could have imagined spending my maternity leave in the middle of a pandemic. | When I gave birth to my son at the end of January, an unexpected miracle to me at the age of 45, I never could have imagined spending my maternity leave in the middle of a pandemic. |
| But by the time I brought my son home to my apartment in Queens, the coronavirus had already landed in the United States. Soon, the borough would become the epicenter of the virus, nearly collapsing the emergency medical services of nearby Elmhurst hospital. | But by the time I brought my son home to my apartment in Queens, the coronavirus had already landed in the United States. Soon, the borough would become the epicenter of the virus, nearly collapsing the emergency medical services of nearby Elmhurst hospital. |
| Single parenthood is certainly tough. Raising a newborn is already isolating; now leaving the house may be dangerous. But the pandemic has highlighted just how fragile my social networks really are, which, as a public figure and radio host who’s had her name and face splashed across billboards and tote bags, is something that’s hard to admit. | Single parenthood is certainly tough. Raising a newborn is already isolating; now leaving the house may be dangerous. But the pandemic has highlighted just how fragile my social networks really are, which, as a public figure and radio host who’s had her name and face splashed across billboards and tote bags, is something that’s hard to admit. |
| Initially, I was determined not to let the news overtake my maternity leave and just paid slight attention to the coronavirus story as it developed. My days were mostly full of bottles, swaddles, cuddles, crying, and an endless exhaustion. For the first few weeks, I slept no more than two consecutive hours in a row. I now understand how sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. | Initially, I was determined not to let the news overtake my maternity leave and just paid slight attention to the coronavirus story as it developed. My days were mostly full of bottles, swaddles, cuddles, crying, and an endless exhaustion. For the first few weeks, I slept no more than two consecutive hours in a row. I now understand how sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. |
| From February to early March, I had intermittent help from my mother and my son’s father and I had just secured a nanny for three nights a week so I could finally get some needed rest. But as the numbers of the infected began to increase in New York City, so did rumors of a potential shutdown. | From February to early March, I had intermittent help from my mother and my son’s father and I had just secured a nanny for three nights a week so I could finally get some needed rest. But as the numbers of the infected began to increase in New York City, so did rumors of a potential shutdown. |
| A few days before Governor Cuomo announced that only essential workers should leave their homes, my nanny, who is in her mid-20s and a mother of twins, asked me, “Is this how the world is supposed to end?” The fear and sadness was visible on her face. I pointed to the box of tissues on my dining table. She grabbed one and patted her eye before picking up my son to rock him to sleep. | A few days before Governor Cuomo announced that only essential workers should leave their homes, my nanny, who is in her mid-20s and a mother of twins, asked me, “Is this how the world is supposed to end?” The fear and sadness was visible on her face. I pointed to the box of tissues on my dining table. She grabbed one and patted her eye before picking up my son to rock him to sleep. |
| It was only a matter of time before my carefully crafted maternity leave support system fell apart. | It was only a matter of time before my carefully crafted maternity leave support system fell apart. |
| By the second week in March I was alone in my apartment with my son listening to daily briefings from our mayor, our governor (who was oddly comforting), and the president. | By the second week in March I was alone in my apartment with my son listening to daily briefings from our mayor, our governor (who was oddly comforting), and the president. |
| When it became clear that New Yorkers were going to be asked to stay home for at least a few weeks to “flatten the curve” of the viral spread, people began picking their quarantine groups and partners. It felt like a game of musical chairs where my son and I were the last ones standing because we couldn’t secure a seat in time. | When it became clear that New Yorkers were going to be asked to stay home for at least a few weeks to “flatten the curve” of the viral spread, people began picking their quarantine groups and partners. It felt like a game of musical chairs where my son and I were the last ones standing because we couldn’t secure a seat in time. |
| My mother decided to isolate with her husband. She’s in her 60s and more susceptible to the worst effects of the virus — but I still felt disappointed. If there was ever a time when you needed your mom, this was it. | My mother decided to isolate with her husband. She’s in her 60s and more susceptible to the worst effects of the virus — but I still felt disappointed. If there was ever a time when you needed your mom, this was it. |
| My son’s father, who lives in New Jersey, tried to help for a few days, but strict social distancing rules, which required minimal outside contact and only emergency trips for supplies, made his commute untenable. I worried that he might unwittingly bring the virus to us. My nanny understandably decided to stay home to protect her children. | My son’s father, who lives in New Jersey, tried to help for a few days, but strict social distancing rules, which required minimal outside contact and only emergency trips for supplies, made his commute untenable. I worried that he might unwittingly bring the virus to us. My nanny understandably decided to stay home to protect her children. |
| Unlike me, my mother and my son’s father each had a place where they could retire to for a full night’s sleep and an uninterrupted meal and shower. I had no other choice; but I was determined to find a way through. | Unlike me, my mother and my son’s father each had a place where they could retire to for a full night’s sleep and an uninterrupted meal and shower. I had no other choice; but I was determined to find a way through. |
| Riding out a global pandemic alone with a newborn means trips to the outside world are almost unthinkable. Not only do I have to protect him, but I have to make sure I don’t get sick either. I started thinking about the paperwork I needed if I were to succumb to the illness — a will, life insurance and long-term disability. I considered who I would ask to take care of my baby if my son’s father and I both got sick, and then imagined how tough those conversations would be to initiate. | Riding out a global pandemic alone with a newborn means trips to the outside world are almost unthinkable. Not only do I have to protect him, but I have to make sure I don’t get sick either. I started thinking about the paperwork I needed if I were to succumb to the illness — a will, life insurance and long-term disability. I considered who I would ask to take care of my baby if my son’s father and I both got sick, and then imagined how tough those conversations would be to initiate. |
| I imagined not being able to find a specific kind of formula my son needed as food supplies became harder to get on time. I berated myself for stopping breastfeeding the week before. At least I could have still fed him breastmilk if the supplies were hard to come by. | I imagined not being able to find a specific kind of formula my son needed as food supplies became harder to get on time. I berated myself for stopping breastfeeding the week before. At least I could have still fed him breastmilk if the supplies were hard to come by. |
| Laundry was piling up in the apartment and while I washed some onesies by hand, I knew that the minimal time I had free in between baby naps would not allow me to make much of a dent. I feared going to the communal laundry room in the building basement — after my last visit there, a neighbor asked me if he should take the warnings seriously and came a bit too close to me. | Laundry was piling up in the apartment and while I washed some onesies by hand, I knew that the minimal time I had free in between baby naps would not allow me to make much of a dent. I feared going to the communal laundry room in the building basement — after my last visit there, a neighbor asked me if he should take the warnings seriously and came a bit too close to me. |
| I felt a pit in my stomach when I tried ordering food online and the wait times were at least one week for local grocery delivery. The wait for Amazon Prime was even longer. When news of an impending strike by Instacart workers crossed my Twitter feed, I knew I had to reach out for help. | I felt a pit in my stomach when I tried ordering food online and the wait times were at least one week for local grocery delivery. The wait for Amazon Prime was even longer. When news of an impending strike by Instacart workers crossed my Twitter feed, I knew I had to reach out for help. |
| Updated July 27, 2020 | |
| Throughout my life I’ve tried to not depend on anyone for anything, a subtle lesson I learned from my family, which valued independence over neediness. I’ve done almost everything alone — from traveling to buying a home. And the few times I’ve needed help, the surprise acquaintance or stranger has shown up and gone the extra mile. | Throughout my life I’ve tried to not depend on anyone for anything, a subtle lesson I learned from my family, which valued independence over neediness. I’ve done almost everything alone — from traveling to buying a home. And the few times I’ve needed help, the surprise acquaintance or stranger has shown up and gone the extra mile. |
| This time is no different. A Manhattan Whole Foods was still doing same day delivery so my colleague placed an order for me and offered to send it in an Uber. | This time is no different. A Manhattan Whole Foods was still doing same day delivery so my colleague placed an order for me and offered to send it in an Uber. |
| A friend in her 70s offered to sleep on my couch for the next few weeks and help with the baby, but was afraid she didn’t know whether she carried the virus. Instead, she called and sang lullabies to my son on a night when he couldn’t sleep, and has been a source of calm when the crying bouts get too loud and I run out of ideas. | A friend in her 70s offered to sleep on my couch for the next few weeks and help with the baby, but was afraid she didn’t know whether she carried the virus. Instead, she called and sang lullabies to my son on a night when he couldn’t sleep, and has been a source of calm when the crying bouts get too loud and I run out of ideas. |
| Another friend, a fellow single mother, offered me her son’s room to sleep in so I wouldn’t be alone. And countless women journalists have offered advice, text check-ins and middle-of-the-night messages of support, which I have come to rely on. | Another friend, a fellow single mother, offered me her son’s room to sleep in so I wouldn’t be alone. And countless women journalists have offered advice, text check-ins and middle-of-the-night messages of support, which I have come to rely on. |
| One thing I hope people take away from this time is never to assume that everyone has friends and family they can count on in a crisis, no matter who they are. Right now there are victims of domestic violence who are fearing for their lives amid this shut down, older Americans who have no visitors and people who have been dealing with mental health issues like depression and anxiety that are only getting worse. Social distancing is absolutely necessary, but it also stands to magnify our national empathy gap, which is evidenced by the soaring rates of loneliness and suicide. | One thing I hope people take away from this time is never to assume that everyone has friends and family they can count on in a crisis, no matter who they are. Right now there are victims of domestic violence who are fearing for their lives amid this shut down, older Americans who have no visitors and people who have been dealing with mental health issues like depression and anxiety that are only getting worse. Social distancing is absolutely necessary, but it also stands to magnify our national empathy gap, which is evidenced by the soaring rates of loneliness and suicide. |
| The current moment will require social networks, familial or not, in order to survive. We will need places to shelter in place, people to forge for food and care for our children and for our elders. We will be forced to recognize that asking and accepting help is not a moral failing but a human need. Social animals require society in order to survive. | The current moment will require social networks, familial or not, in order to survive. We will need places to shelter in place, people to forge for food and care for our children and for our elders. We will be forced to recognize that asking and accepting help is not a moral failing but a human need. Social animals require society in order to survive. |
| Despite all of the challenges, this moment has also pulsated with deep emotion. Being alone with my son has let us bond in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. We’ve visited family via video chats and shared lots (and lots!) of snuggles and smiles. | Despite all of the challenges, this moment has also pulsated with deep emotion. Being alone with my son has let us bond in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. We’ve visited family via video chats and shared lots (and lots!) of snuggles and smiles. |
| I’ve gotten into a routine that starts around 5 a.m. and ends at 9 p.m., which includes making some meals when the baby naps and coordinating stealth food deliveries with help from my son’s father, friends and the most essential workers — delivery folks. I bought a cheap portable washer that cleans about a dozen onesies at a time. You might see them hanging off my small brick balcony from a makeshift clothesline, drying in the sunlight. | I’ve gotten into a routine that starts around 5 a.m. and ends at 9 p.m., which includes making some meals when the baby naps and coordinating stealth food deliveries with help from my son’s father, friends and the most essential workers — delivery folks. I bought a cheap portable washer that cleans about a dozen onesies at a time. You might see them hanging off my small brick balcony from a makeshift clothesline, drying in the sunlight. |
| Tanzina Vega is the host of “The Takeaway” from WNYC and PRX. | Tanzina Vega is the host of “The Takeaway” from WNYC and PRX. |