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| As the Coronavirus Rages, Birthday Parties Celebrate Life in Isolation | As the Coronavirus Rages, Birthday Parties Celebrate Life in Isolation |
| (8 days later) | |
| It was just before 8 a.m. on March 19 when Alexondra Purnomo, a schoolteacher in Rome, decided that all rules were off. She was under coronavirus lockdown, but it was her birthday. | It was just before 8 a.m. on March 19 when Alexondra Purnomo, a schoolteacher in Rome, decided that all rules were off. She was under coronavirus lockdown, but it was her birthday. |
| So Ms. Purnomo, 38, and a roommate opened a bottle of prosecco for breakfast. Later, she slipped away for a furtive meeting on Via della Villa di Lucina, where another friend handed off — without touching — a slice of birthday tiramisù. | So Ms. Purnomo, 38, and a roommate opened a bottle of prosecco for breakfast. Later, she slipped away for a furtive meeting on Via della Villa di Lucina, where another friend handed off — without touching — a slice of birthday tiramisù. |
| Back at home, as Ms. Purnomo sat down to lunch, her roommate turned her laptop around to face her and there they were: nearly a dozen friends arrayed on Zoom, wishing Ms. Purnomo a happy birthday. One wore a boa. They sang, held up signs and raised glasses in toasts. | Back at home, as Ms. Purnomo sat down to lunch, her roommate turned her laptop around to face her and there they were: nearly a dozen friends arrayed on Zoom, wishing Ms. Purnomo a happy birthday. One wore a boa. They sang, held up signs and raised glasses in toasts. |
| “Everybody was eating whatever they were eating, and chatting, and everybody obviously was drinking, because we are all in quarantine anyway,” she said. | “Everybody was eating whatever they were eating, and chatting, and everybody obviously was drinking, because we are all in quarantine anyway,” she said. |
| This is a birthday party in the era of the coronavirus, when families and friends are marking another year of life with newfound gratitude, in joyful defiance of the virus that is denying it to so many. | This is a birthday party in the era of the coronavirus, when families and friends are marking another year of life with newfound gratitude, in joyful defiance of the virus that is denying it to so many. |
| The pandemic has upended traditional celebrations in ways that reflect the need for social distancing, the difficulty of travel and the hard realities of supply shortages. | The pandemic has upended traditional celebrations in ways that reflect the need for social distancing, the difficulty of travel and the hard realities of supply shortages. |
| Families and friends, who previously celebrated in person, are now meeting in the virtual world. Children, who frolicked in party spaces or apartments in past years, are now contained in a grid on Zoom — still boisterous, but at least there is less to clean up. | Families and friends, who previously celebrated in person, are now meeting in the virtual world. Children, who frolicked in party spaces or apartments in past years, are now contained in a grid on Zoom — still boisterous, but at least there is less to clean up. |
| Pictures of gifts delayed in transit are printed out and wrapped up as place holders. Custom cakes are left on doorsteps. Packages are wiped down. Magic shows are performed online. | Pictures of gifts delayed in transit are printed out and wrapped up as place holders. Custom cakes are left on doorsteps. Packages are wiped down. Magic shows are performed online. |
| In interviews, more than a dozen people who had recently planned or celebrated their birthdays agreed that they were lucky to be able to have a party, no matter how transformed or downgraded, when so many were struggling economically, sick or dying. | In interviews, more than a dozen people who had recently planned or celebrated their birthdays agreed that they were lucky to be able to have a party, no matter how transformed or downgraded, when so many were struggling economically, sick or dying. |
| “Part of it is realizing that celebrations are really, truly, just about love,” said Sarah Frantzreb, a nurse practitioner in New York. For her daughter Sloane’s first birthday, the family planned to decorate her high chair, put a glitter hat on her and wrap toys that had belonged to Ms. Frantzreb’s older child. They invited relatives in three states to a B.Y.O.C. (bring your own cake) party online. | “Part of it is realizing that celebrations are really, truly, just about love,” said Sarah Frantzreb, a nurse practitioner in New York. For her daughter Sloane’s first birthday, the family planned to decorate her high chair, put a glitter hat on her and wrap toys that had belonged to Ms. Frantzreb’s older child. They invited relatives in three states to a B.Y.O.C. (bring your own cake) party online. |
| “Each year, really, is a gift that should be celebrated,” Ms. Frantzreb said. | “Each year, really, is a gift that should be celebrated,” Ms. Frantzreb said. |
| In times of high anxiety and stress, as during a war or a pandemic, adult behavior becomes more ritualized, said Dimitris Xygalatas, a professor of anthropology and psychology at the University of Connecticut. The meaning of birthday parties becomes more poignant, and the more effort they take and more witnesses they have, the greater the sense of importance, he said. | In times of high anxiety and stress, as during a war or a pandemic, adult behavior becomes more ritualized, said Dimitris Xygalatas, a professor of anthropology and psychology at the University of Connecticut. The meaning of birthday parties becomes more poignant, and the more effort they take and more witnesses they have, the greater the sense of importance, he said. |
| “When you can’t have the celebration that you usually have, you are missing the human connection,” Dr. Xygalatas said. “People are finding ways to make up for it, synchronizing activities so it feels like we are one.” | “When you can’t have the celebration that you usually have, you are missing the human connection,” Dr. Xygalatas said. “People are finding ways to make up for it, synchronizing activities so it feels like we are one.” |
| Among the ways people have found: the drive-by party, in which children wave from cars rolling past the house of the birthday boy or girl, who is watching from inside. There is also the walk-by party, such as the one Zane Chester, a 6-year-old in Illinois, had on March 24. | Among the ways people have found: the drive-by party, in which children wave from cars rolling past the house of the birthday boy or girl, who is watching from inside. There is also the walk-by party, such as the one Zane Chester, a 6-year-old in Illinois, had on March 24. |
| His mother, Kimberly Chester, thought of the idea while on the daily stroll her family had been taking through their Deerfield neighborhood since the shutdown. A day before Zane’s birthday, she asked neighbors on Facebook to put signs in their windows in bold letters, so he could see them as he walked by. | His mother, Kimberly Chester, thought of the idea while on the daily stroll her family had been taking through their Deerfield neighborhood since the shutdown. A day before Zane’s birthday, she asked neighbors on Facebook to put signs in their windows in bold letters, so he could see them as he walked by. |
| The community responded. On their walk through the neighborhood on the big day, the Chester family found cars festooned with balloons and birthday messages in chalk on the sidewalk. One woman left a cake, with Batman in fondant, on her porch. Some greeted Zane from the threshold of their front doors. | The community responded. On their walk through the neighborhood on the big day, the Chester family found cars festooned with balloons and birthday messages in chalk on the sidewalk. One woman left a cake, with Batman in fondant, on her porch. Some greeted Zane from the threshold of their front doors. |
| “It was like personalized trick-or-treating,” Ms. Chester said. | “It was like personalized trick-or-treating,” Ms. Chester said. |
| And then there is the stand-by party. In New York City, participants at a birthday block party recently stood — six feet apart — outside the building of a friend to wish her well. In Stamford, Conn., on March 22, Liatte Lasher, a teacher, and her friends drove in seven cars and remained parked outside the home of another friend, who turned 35 that day. | And then there is the stand-by party. In New York City, participants at a birthday block party recently stood — six feet apart — outside the building of a friend to wish her well. In Stamford, Conn., on March 22, Liatte Lasher, a teacher, and her friends drove in seven cars and remained parked outside the home of another friend, who turned 35 that day. |
| They wore hats, and blew into noisemakers. “People are looking to do something a little more special this year,” she said. | They wore hats, and blew into noisemakers. “People are looking to do something a little more special this year,” she said. |
| Updated August 12, 2020 | |
| Elizabeth Shepherd, 35, a Brooklyn car service owner, canceled a resort trip for her March 26 birthday. She stayed home, grateful for the company of her wife, Mona, and the music they enjoyed together. “I am happy to be not sick, that is for sure,” Ms. Shepherd said. | Elizabeth Shepherd, 35, a Brooklyn car service owner, canceled a resort trip for her March 26 birthday. She stayed home, grateful for the company of her wife, Mona, and the music they enjoyed together. “I am happy to be not sick, that is for sure,” Ms. Shepherd said. |
| The shape of pandemic birthdays, especially for older people, can be dictated by risk tolerance. Siri Bjerknes Ekeberg, who lives in Oslo, said she, her husband and their children lit candles stuck in brownies from their home while her mother-in-law, who turned 74 on March 23, watched on FaceTime from hers, safely distant out of concern for her health. | The shape of pandemic birthdays, especially for older people, can be dictated by risk tolerance. Siri Bjerknes Ekeberg, who lives in Oslo, said she, her husband and their children lit candles stuck in brownies from their home while her mother-in-law, who turned 74 on March 23, watched on FaceTime from hers, safely distant out of concern for her health. |
| “We would have been together if it was not for this,” Ms. Ekeberg said. | “We would have been together if it was not for this,” Ms. Ekeberg said. |
| In New York City, Nadia Nguyen was creating a “Pandemic Cookbook” as a gift for her husband’s 35th birthday. It was to be a compilation of recipes from friends using ingredients they had scrounged up in their kitchens. Ms. Nguyen’s own entry was mac ’n’ cheese, with kale pesto she and her husband discovered in the freezer. | In New York City, Nadia Nguyen was creating a “Pandemic Cookbook” as a gift for her husband’s 35th birthday. It was to be a compilation of recipes from friends using ingredients they had scrounged up in their kitchens. Ms. Nguyen’s own entry was mac ’n’ cheese, with kale pesto she and her husband discovered in the freezer. |
| “Especially now, it is important to acknowledge the passing of time,” Ms. Nguyen said. | “Especially now, it is important to acknowledge the passing of time,” Ms. Nguyen said. |
| According to Tim Reeskens, a sociology professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, a person’s birth date defines rites of passage, the sequence of generations and the expectations of aging. The birthday celebration, he added, is the most individualized of a society’s annual rituals. | According to Tim Reeskens, a sociology professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, a person’s birth date defines rites of passage, the sequence of generations and the expectations of aging. The birthday celebration, he added, is the most individualized of a society’s annual rituals. |
| “As societies become more economically wealthy, people put more emphasis on self-expression,” Dr. Reeskens said. “It has to do with increased individualization.” | “As societies become more economically wealthy, people put more emphasis on self-expression,” Dr. Reeskens said. “It has to do with increased individualization.” |
| Teresa Chi, 39, a New York City-based teacher, and her husband, Ryan Bagg, took up guitars and a tambourine to celebrate their son Rowan’s fourth birthday. His previous parties have been crowded affairs, with children and adults in the park or at his grandparents’ building. | Teresa Chi, 39, a New York City-based teacher, and her husband, Ryan Bagg, took up guitars and a tambourine to celebrate their son Rowan’s fourth birthday. His previous parties have been crowded affairs, with children and adults in the park or at his grandparents’ building. |
| But this month, it was just the four of them, including 1-year-old Josh, in their apartment. On the morning of Rowan’s birthday, they woke him up with four candles in a slice of coffeecake. His gift, bath toys ordered online, had been delivered. Videos, messages and singing Animojis trickled in throughout the day from friends and relatives far away. | But this month, it was just the four of them, including 1-year-old Josh, in their apartment. On the morning of Rowan’s birthday, they woke him up with four candles in a slice of coffeecake. His gift, bath toys ordered online, had been delivered. Videos, messages and singing Animojis trickled in throughout the day from friends and relatives far away. |
| “You do what you can,” Ms. Chi said. “I am sure he still felt that he had his birthday. But it wasn’t the same.” | “You do what you can,” Ms. Chi said. “I am sure he still felt that he had his birthday. But it wasn’t the same.” |