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Coronavirus Means Funerals Must Wait: ‘We Can’t Properly Bury Our Dead’ Coronavirus Means Funerals Must Wait: ‘We Can’t Properly Bury Our Dead’
(3 days later)
SEATTLE — After Mary Flo Werner died last week of cancer, her nine grandchildren filed in through the big white doors of their Catholic church in Janesville, Wis., for the funeral Mass. Nine plus the priest made 10, the maximum number allowed to gather since a widening coronavirus outbreak led to strict limits on public gatherings.SEATTLE — After Mary Flo Werner died last week of cancer, her nine grandchildren filed in through the big white doors of their Catholic church in Janesville, Wis., for the funeral Mass. Nine plus the priest made 10, the maximum number allowed to gather since a widening coronavirus outbreak led to strict limits on public gatherings.
Left to grieve in the church parking lot were Ms. Werner’s four adult children. They sat in their cars and watched their 74-year-old mother’s service on their phones and tablets.Left to grieve in the church parking lot were Ms. Werner’s four adult children. They sat in their cars and watched their 74-year-old mother’s service on their phones and tablets.
In Staten Island, N.Y., the family of Arnold Obey, 73, a retired school principal, does not know when or how his funeral might occur. Mr. Obey died Sunday night while vacationing in Puerto Rico, and his wife is in isolation in a San Juan hotel room, awaiting her coronavirus test results.In Staten Island, N.Y., the family of Arnold Obey, 73, a retired school principal, does not know when or how his funeral might occur. Mr. Obey died Sunday night while vacationing in Puerto Rico, and his wife is in isolation in a San Juan hotel room, awaiting her coronavirus test results.
Meri Dreyfuss, a tech worker in the San Francisco area whose older sister, Barbara Dreyfuss, died in Seattle this month of complications from the coronavirus, has put off a funeral until the fall.Meri Dreyfuss, a tech worker in the San Francisco area whose older sister, Barbara Dreyfuss, died in Seattle this month of complications from the coronavirus, has put off a funeral until the fall.
“We can’t properly bury our dead because of the situation,” she said. “We can’t mourn together, we can’t share memories together, we can’t get together and hug each other.”“We can’t properly bury our dead because of the situation,” she said. “We can’t mourn together, we can’t share memories together, we can’t get together and hug each other.”
The rituals of honoring and saying goodbye to the dead run deep. Reaching out to touch in sympathy and condolence feels instinctive. But the coronavirus, in its confounding and confining effects — stay-at-home orders, bans on large gatherings and fears of travel and exposure — is blowing those traditions apart, no matter the cause of death.The rituals of honoring and saying goodbye to the dead run deep. Reaching out to touch in sympathy and condolence feels instinctive. But the coronavirus, in its confounding and confining effects — stay-at-home orders, bans on large gatherings and fears of travel and exposure — is blowing those traditions apart, no matter the cause of death.
Postponement and uncertainty, and for many families a painful triage of who can physically attend a service and who cannot, are becoming part of the language of obituaries and family discussions even as people grieve.Postponement and uncertainty, and for many families a painful triage of who can physically attend a service and who cannot, are becoming part of the language of obituaries and family discussions even as people grieve.
“In light of Covid-19, a family funeral will be held,” is how the loved ones put it in the obituary for Ivan Brenko, a 98-year-old man who died near Toronto. The obituary for James Anthony Michael, 91, who died on March 18 in a suburb of Detroit, said that “due to health concerns, the family has chosen to do a memorial mass at a later date.”“In light of Covid-19, a family funeral will be held,” is how the loved ones put it in the obituary for Ivan Brenko, a 98-year-old man who died near Toronto. The obituary for James Anthony Michael, 91, who died on March 18 in a suburb of Detroit, said that “due to health concerns, the family has chosen to do a memorial mass at a later date.”
Reba McEntire, the country music star, announced that the memorial service for her 93-year-old mother, Jacqueline McEntire, who died of cancer last week, would be held at some indefinite point in the future, “when it is safe for everyone to attend.”Reba McEntire, the country music star, announced that the memorial service for her 93-year-old mother, Jacqueline McEntire, who died of cancer last week, would be held at some indefinite point in the future, “when it is safe for everyone to attend.”
It has become a time of frantic improvisation and adaptation as families and funeral providers scramble and relatives mourn as best as they can.It has become a time of frantic improvisation and adaptation as families and funeral providers scramble and relatives mourn as best as they can.
The family of 86-year-old Norman Merkur gathered on Tuesday afternoon to participate in his funeral via Zoom, the cloud meeting app. Mr. Merkur, a Korean War veteran, died over the weekend as his health deteriorated from lymphoma. The burial was observed by a rabbi at the gravesite in Palm Bay, Fla. — along with 45 family members and friends who watched online from New York, California, Pennsylvania and New Hampshire. It was brief and traditional, despite the nontraditional webcast, and there were few references to the pandemic, until the end.The family of 86-year-old Norman Merkur gathered on Tuesday afternoon to participate in his funeral via Zoom, the cloud meeting app. Mr. Merkur, a Korean War veteran, died over the weekend as his health deteriorated from lymphoma. The burial was observed by a rabbi at the gravesite in Palm Bay, Fla. — along with 45 family members and friends who watched online from New York, California, Pennsylvania and New Hampshire. It was brief and traditional, despite the nontraditional webcast, and there were few references to the pandemic, until the end.
“May all of you stay healthy, may all of you stay safe,” Rabbi Craig Mayers said as the ceremony closed. “And may we come together in the future to properly celebrate Norman’s life at a time when it is safe for all of us to gather.”“May all of you stay healthy, may all of you stay safe,” Rabbi Craig Mayers said as the ceremony closed. “And may we come together in the future to properly celebrate Norman’s life at a time when it is safe for all of us to gather.”
Ahead of the Werner family observance last week, Neal J. Schneider, owner of Schneider Funeral Directors, posted a video of himself on YouTube. With only a few days to go before the ceremony for Ms. Werner, Mr. Schneider wanted to get a YouTube channel up and running so that extended family members and friends could attend, at least virtually. He needed 1,000 subscribers to make it happen.Ahead of the Werner family observance last week, Neal J. Schneider, owner of Schneider Funeral Directors, posted a video of himself on YouTube. With only a few days to go before the ceremony for Ms. Werner, Mr. Schneider wanted to get a YouTube channel up and running so that extended family members and friends could attend, at least virtually. He needed 1,000 subscribers to make it happen.
“Please help us,” he said into the camera.“Please help us,” he said into the camera.
By Tuesday morning at 5, Mr. Schneider said, he had his first 246 subscribers. By 11 a.m. he had 1,500. The service on Friday for Ms. Werner, webcast by a camera set up at the back of the church, was the Schneider YouTube channel’s first funeral.By Tuesday morning at 5, Mr. Schneider said, he had his first 246 subscribers. By 11 a.m. he had 1,500. The service on Friday for Ms. Werner, webcast by a camera set up at the back of the church, was the Schneider YouTube channel’s first funeral.
“Obviously, it was a difficult situation,” said Ms. Werner’s oldest son, Steve Werner Jr., a lawyer who watched the service in the parking lot on his cellphone. As for who got in and who did not, Mr. Werner said, the decision was obvious: Flo, as she was known, doted on her grandchildren.“Obviously, it was a difficult situation,” said Ms. Werner’s oldest son, Steve Werner Jr., a lawyer who watched the service in the parking lot on his cellphone. As for who got in and who did not, Mr. Werner said, the decision was obvious: Flo, as she was known, doted on her grandchildren.
“Kind of an odd situation, obviously, nine of them sitting there in an empty church,” said Mr. Werner, 50. “But I think they appreciated having that opportunity, and knowing that if given her choice under the circumstances, she would have probably wanted this as well. The accommodation was the best we could do.”“Kind of an odd situation, obviously, nine of them sitting there in an empty church,” said Mr. Werner, 50. “But I think they appreciated having that opportunity, and knowing that if given her choice under the circumstances, she would have probably wanted this as well. The accommodation was the best we could do.”
Some families are grieving in shifts.Some families are grieving in shifts.
At Bradshaw-Carter Memorial and Funeral Services in Houston, a family came in last week saying they expected 25 immediate family mourners to attend an upcoming service. “What we offered was 10 at one time,” said Michael Carter, a co-founder of the company. “Ten at, say, 2 o’clock, a maximum of 10, and then we could schedule another 10 for another time, 3 o’clock, which would give us time — we needed a certain amount of time to sterilize the facility,” he said.At Bradshaw-Carter Memorial and Funeral Services in Houston, a family came in last week saying they expected 25 immediate family mourners to attend an upcoming service. “What we offered was 10 at one time,” said Michael Carter, a co-founder of the company. “Ten at, say, 2 o’clock, a maximum of 10, and then we could schedule another 10 for another time, 3 o’clock, which would give us time — we needed a certain amount of time to sterilize the facility,” he said.
Even though some families are making do, others continue to fret about when a traditional service might be allowed — the kind where family and friends show up to say goodbye.Even though some families are making do, others continue to fret about when a traditional service might be allowed — the kind where family and friends show up to say goodbye.
Updated June 5, 2020 Updated June 12, 2020
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.
A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.
The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.
Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.
Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.
States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.
If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)
Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications.Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications.
The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.
If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.
If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.
Nancy Moncrief, who had to postpone the funeral for her brother, Henry Wray Eversole Jr., 76, when he died recently of lymphoma, said she was worried more now about her 95-year-old mother.Nancy Moncrief, who had to postpone the funeral for her brother, Henry Wray Eversole Jr., 76, when he died recently of lymphoma, said she was worried more now about her 95-year-old mother.
“This is taking a toll on her,” Ms. Moncrief said. “It would at any time, but it’s just doubling now — nobody can come up and give her a hug and tell her how sorry they are that she’s lost her son.”“This is taking a toll on her,” Ms. Moncrief said. “It would at any time, but it’s just doubling now — nobody can come up and give her a hug and tell her how sorry they are that she’s lost her son.”
Elisabeth Claire Avery, 21, learned this month that her mother’s body had been found in one of Georgia’s largest lakes. The next unsettling news was that there would be no traditional funeral, at least not for a while.Elisabeth Claire Avery, 21, learned this month that her mother’s body had been found in one of Georgia’s largest lakes. The next unsettling news was that there would be no traditional funeral, at least not for a while.
“She had friends in every city in Georgia, I swear,” Ms. Avery said. “She loved art and music, and that’s how you can celebrate her in isolation.” She has had the difficult task of responding to the many people who have been reaching out, asking what they can do. “Listen to rock ’n’ roll, which she would’ve liked,” she tells them.“She had friends in every city in Georgia, I swear,” Ms. Avery said. “She loved art and music, and that’s how you can celebrate her in isolation.” She has had the difficult task of responding to the many people who have been reaching out, asking what they can do. “Listen to rock ’n’ roll, which she would’ve liked,” she tells them.
Funeral directors are stressed, too.Funeral directors are stressed, too.
Chris Robinson, a board member of the National Funeral Directors Association who is a fourth-generation funeral director and managing owner of Robinson Funeral Home in Easley, S.C., said members of his trade association were getting swamped with questions and requests, and scrambling to find answers. Video companies are installing cameras. Mortuaries are deciding how much room they have to store bodies for weeks or months in refrigeration. He said he thinks some of the technological innovations will persist when the crisis eventually lifts, but he also expects an emotional swing back to simpler services.Chris Robinson, a board member of the National Funeral Directors Association who is a fourth-generation funeral director and managing owner of Robinson Funeral Home in Easley, S.C., said members of his trade association were getting swamped with questions and requests, and scrambling to find answers. Video companies are installing cameras. Mortuaries are deciding how much room they have to store bodies for weeks or months in refrigeration. He said he thinks some of the technological innovations will persist when the crisis eventually lifts, but he also expects an emotional swing back to simpler services.
“I think this isolation by everybody is going to make them step back and really appreciate this person-to-person contact, just the basic social interaction that most of us yearn for,” he said.“I think this isolation by everybody is going to make them step back and really appreciate this person-to-person contact, just the basic social interaction that most of us yearn for,” he said.
Mortuaries face another challenge. Like hospitals, they are running low on masks and gloves that funeral workers need to protect themselves not only from the coronavirus but other infectious diseases as well.Mortuaries face another challenge. Like hospitals, they are running low on masks and gloves that funeral workers need to protect themselves not only from the coronavirus but other infectious diseases as well.
“It’s usually two persons at a cremation, and normally we would both be there hands-on,” said Clay Dippel, a provisional funeral director and embalmer at the Bradshaw-Carter home in Houston. Now, he said, only one person gets gloved up and touches a body. “Instead of using two sets of gloves, now it’s one person does the lifting, the other is there to observe,” he said. “Yesterday, I was the employee who wore the gloves,” he added.“It’s usually two persons at a cremation, and normally we would both be there hands-on,” said Clay Dippel, a provisional funeral director and embalmer at the Bradshaw-Carter home in Houston. Now, he said, only one person gets gloved up and touches a body. “Instead of using two sets of gloves, now it’s one person does the lifting, the other is there to observe,” he said. “Yesterday, I was the employee who wore the gloves,” he added.
Meri Dreyfuss, the San Francisco tech worker who lost a sister to the coronavirus, went with another sister, Hillary Dreyfuss, up into California’s majestic redwood forests and walked through the ancient groves, trying to make sense of everything that was happening in their lives, and the world around them.Meri Dreyfuss, the San Francisco tech worker who lost a sister to the coronavirus, went with another sister, Hillary Dreyfuss, up into California’s majestic redwood forests and walked through the ancient groves, trying to make sense of everything that was happening in their lives, and the world around them.
“Hillary said, ‘I want to be around something bigger than me,’” Meri said. “It helped.”“Hillary said, ‘I want to be around something bigger than me,’” Meri said. “It helped.”
Nicholas Bogel-Burroughs contributed reporting from New York; Frances Robles from Key West, Fla.; and Patricia Mazzei from Miami.Nicholas Bogel-Burroughs contributed reporting from New York; Frances Robles from Key West, Fla.; and Patricia Mazzei from Miami.