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My Very Marry Christmas My Very Marry Christmas
(1 day later)
I awoke with a stabbing pain in my heart. For a moment I did not know where I was. Then I remembered: I was back in the room I’d grown up in, at my mother’s house in Pennsylvania. It was Christmas morning, 1987. The house was quiet, except for the hissing and clanking of its old steam radiators.I awoke with a stabbing pain in my heart. For a moment I did not know where I was. Then I remembered: I was back in the room I’d grown up in, at my mother’s house in Pennsylvania. It was Christmas morning, 1987. The house was quiet, except for the hissing and clanking of its old steam radiators.
My lover lay next to me in my old bed, softly snoring, one hand resting on my ribs.My lover lay next to me in my old bed, softly snoring, one hand resting on my ribs.
Not my lover, I thought. My fiancée. The night before, I’d proposed. The answer had been yes.Not my lover, I thought. My fiancée. The night before, I’d proposed. The answer had been yes.
It was the diamond on my fiancée’s finger that was stabbing me. Sometime during the night, the ring had twisted around. Now the diamond was digging into my chest.It was the diamond on my fiancée’s finger that was stabbing me. Sometime during the night, the ring had twisted around. Now the diamond was digging into my chest.
There are a lot of unusual things about our marriage, I guess, and the fact that the two of us are still together, 32 Christmases later, is probably not the least of them. But when it comes to the day of our engagement, we were a cliché. Christmas Day and Christmas Eve are the most popular days to pop the question. New Year’s Eve is a close third.There are a lot of unusual things about our marriage, I guess, and the fact that the two of us are still together, 32 Christmases later, is probably not the least of them. But when it comes to the day of our engagement, we were a cliché. Christmas Day and Christmas Eve are the most popular days to pop the question. New Year’s Eve is a close third.
I’d first come up with the idea months before, as I was driving solo from my house in Baltimore down to see my not-yet-fiancée in Washington. We hadn’t been together that long, but all at once, speeding toward the capital, it seemed inevitable. Of course I would pop the question, I thought. Had there ever been any doubt?I’d first come up with the idea months before, as I was driving solo from my house in Baltimore down to see my not-yet-fiancée in Washington. We hadn’t been together that long, but all at once, speeding toward the capital, it seemed inevitable. Of course I would pop the question, I thought. Had there ever been any doubt?
Until then, I had thought of marriage as a stupid institution — good enough for other people, I figured, but certainly not for me. A remnant of feudalism! I sneered. A tool of the patriarchy!Until then, I had thought of marriage as a stupid institution — good enough for other people, I figured, but certainly not for me. A remnant of feudalism! I sneered. A tool of the patriarchy!
It was Joni Mitchell who’d sung, “We don’t need no piece of paper/ From the city hall/ Keeping us tried and true.” I’d always agreed with Joni.It was Joni Mitchell who’d sung, “We don’t need no piece of paper/ From the city hall/ Keeping us tried and true.” I’d always agreed with Joni.
Until now. Suddenly I found myself stumbling into jewelry stores on Connecticut Avenue, my heart pounding so hard that I was unable to speak when a salesman first asked whether he could help me. Instead, I rushed out the door and stood there in the late autumn cold, asking myself the questions for which I still do not have an answer: Do you have any idea of the trouble you’re about to cause? Are you insane?Until now. Suddenly I found myself stumbling into jewelry stores on Connecticut Avenue, my heart pounding so hard that I was unable to speak when a salesman first asked whether he could help me. Instead, I rushed out the door and stood there in the late autumn cold, asking myself the questions for which I still do not have an answer: Do you have any idea of the trouble you’re about to cause? Are you insane?
At the next store I went to, a salesman took pity on me, sat me down and explained what he called the four C’s of diamonds: cut, clarity, carat, color. I had a fifth C of my own: cost.At the next store I went to, a salesman took pity on me, sat me down and explained what he called the four C’s of diamonds: cut, clarity, carat, color. I had a fifth C of my own: cost.
My desperately low income — I was a part-time teacher — suggested a sixth C: a Cracker Jack box. Maybe in one of these I might find a ring closer to my budget?My desperately low income — I was a part-time teacher — suggested a sixth C: a Cracker Jack box. Maybe in one of these I might find a ring closer to my budget?
In the end, the salesman guided me to a small diamond. It was a little cheaper than the others, because it contained a flaw. My first thought was: Right. Just like me.In the end, the salesman guided me to a small diamond. It was a little cheaper than the others, because it contained a flaw. My first thought was: Right. Just like me.
I told him I’d take it.I told him I’d take it.
Did I want an inscription engraved inside the band? he asked.Did I want an inscription engraved inside the band? he asked.
I told him I wanted him to inscribe the words, “Bright Star,” the title of a poem by John Keats. One drunken evening, I had recited it into my lover’s answering machine. “Bright star, would that I were steadfast as though art,” it begins. I told him I wanted him to inscribe the words “Bright Star,” the title of a poem by Keats. One drunken evening, I had recited it into my lover’s answering machine. “Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art,” it begins.
The final couplet: “Still to hear her tender-taken breath/ And so live ever — or else swoon to death.” The final couplet: “Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath/ And so live ever — or else swoon to death.”
What had gotten into me? Why do so many people get engaged at Christmas? Is it just that, when thinking of the perfect thing to give the person you love, there is no present greater than the gift of your whole life?What had gotten into me? Why do so many people get engaged at Christmas? Is it just that, when thinking of the perfect thing to give the person you love, there is no present greater than the gift of your whole life?
Or are we echoing, in our own fallen way, the gift of the Magi, the Wise Men with their gifts of incense and gold and myrrh?Or are we echoing, in our own fallen way, the gift of the Magi, the Wise Men with their gifts of incense and gold and myrrh?
Although the Three Wise Men have become part of Christmas canon, there’s precious little about them in the nativity story. The only gospel to mention them is Matthew’s. He says they came “from the East,” but he does not specify their number. In Syriac Christianity, one tradition numbers them at twelve.Although the Three Wise Men have become part of Christmas canon, there’s precious little about them in the nativity story. The only gospel to mention them is Matthew’s. He says they came “from the East,” but he does not specify their number. In Syriac Christianity, one tradition numbers them at twelve.
One interpretation of the meaning of the gifts suggests the threefold nature of the Messiah: gold for a king; myrrh (an embalming oil) for a mortal; and incense, for a god.One interpretation of the meaning of the gifts suggests the threefold nature of the Messiah: gold for a king; myrrh (an embalming oil) for a mortal; and incense, for a god.
Diamonds have a different meaning: Their hardness and their clarity suggest constancy and permanence. Purity, perhaps.Diamonds have a different meaning: Their hardness and their clarity suggest constancy and permanence. Purity, perhaps.
I’m not sure whether I was thinking about the symbolism of diamonds — or, for that matter, myrrh — as I left that store on Connecticut Avenue. But I do know that I felt that my life had been transformed by love. For the first time in my life, my future felt knowable. I would spend my life, I now understood, with her.I’m not sure whether I was thinking about the symbolism of diamonds — or, for that matter, myrrh — as I left that store on Connecticut Avenue. But I do know that I felt that my life had been transformed by love. For the first time in my life, my future felt knowable. I would spend my life, I now understood, with her.
Deirdre opened her eyes shortly after I did that Christmas morning, and removed her hand from my heart. She looked at the ring I had given her the night before, and her face lit up in wonder.Deirdre opened her eyes shortly after I did that Christmas morning, and removed her hand from my heart. She looked at the ring I had given her the night before, and her face lit up in wonder.
“Oh my god,” she said, looking at the diamond, and then at me, in the dim light of morning. “Look at what we went and did.” “Oh my God,” she said, looking at the diamond, and then at me, in the dim light of morning. “Look at what we went and did.”
We kissed. “You know, if you wanted you could take it off, just for this morning. If you want to be spared the whole scene.” I was thinking of all my relatives down in the living room by the Christmas tree, screaming and fussing as we announced our engagement.We kissed. “You know, if you wanted you could take it off, just for this morning. If you want to be spared the whole scene.” I was thinking of all my relatives down in the living room by the Christmas tree, screaming and fussing as we announced our engagement.
Deirdre just laughed. “I’m never taking it off,” she said.Deirdre just laughed. “I’m never taking it off,” she said.
She hasn’t.She hasn’t.
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