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| Six Steps to Mentally Survive the Holidays | Six Steps to Mentally Survive the Holidays |
| (about 5 hours later) | |
| The so-called holiday blues do, in fact, exist, and according to a study by the American Psychological Association the most common symptoms are fatigue, stress, irritability, bloating and sadness. | The so-called holiday blues do, in fact, exist, and according to a study by the American Psychological Association the most common symptoms are fatigue, stress, irritability, bloating and sadness. |
| Healthy habits can be hard to maintain, because holidays often involve a respite from routine, a time to ignore our budgets, schedules, tolerance for alcohol, allergies to food and any consistent self-care. | Healthy habits can be hard to maintain, because holidays often involve a respite from routine, a time to ignore our budgets, schedules, tolerance for alcohol, allergies to food and any consistent self-care. |
| There’s a surge in nostalgia, and it’s easy to idealize interactions with friends and family. Debauchery is encouraged, with the promise that we will mend ourselves after all the revelry. | There’s a surge in nostalgia, and it’s easy to idealize interactions with friends and family. Debauchery is encouraged, with the promise that we will mend ourselves after all the revelry. |
| Many of us do so by making a New Year’s resolution, a commitment to transformation during the least motivational month of the year: January. | Many of us do so by making a New Year’s resolution, a commitment to transformation during the least motivational month of the year: January. |
| Here are six ways to get through the holidays. | Here are six ways to get through the holidays. |
| Emilia Ortiz, who specializes in ancestral healing practices like reiki, candle work and meditation, posts minute-long wellness videos on social media. | Emilia Ortiz, who specializes in ancestral healing practices like reiki, candle work and meditation, posts minute-long wellness videos on social media. |
| She said that seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression related to changes in seasons, is estimated to affect 10 million Americans. For the rest of us, winter can still be a time for relaxation and restoration. | She said that seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression related to changes in seasons, is estimated to affect 10 million Americans. For the rest of us, winter can still be a time for relaxation and restoration. |
| “We’re not bears, we don’t hibernate, but centuries ago, we gathered a big harvest in fall — one large enough to last through spring — and during the winter all were conservative with energy use,” Ms. Ortiz said. | “We’re not bears, we don’t hibernate, but centuries ago, we gathered a big harvest in fall — one large enough to last through spring — and during the winter all were conservative with energy use,” Ms. Ortiz said. |
| The demands of a heavy social calendar can also deplete our emotional resources. Rachel Ricketts, a racial justice activist who offers courses in anti-oppression techniques and spiritual activism, mentally prepares for social interactions, which can cause negative thinking. | The demands of a heavy social calendar can also deplete our emotional resources. Rachel Ricketts, a racial justice activist who offers courses in anti-oppression techniques and spiritual activism, mentally prepares for social interactions, which can cause negative thinking. |
| “I like to set an alert on my phone, same time every day to check in,” Ms. Ricketts said. “Mine asks, ‘How is your heart doing?’” She suggested designing a moment of pause that is customized to elicit kindness, but one that won’t be a huge disruption in your day. | “I like to set an alert on my phone, same time every day to check in,” Ms. Ricketts said. “Mine asks, ‘How is your heart doing?’” She suggested designing a moment of pause that is customized to elicit kindness, but one that won’t be a huge disruption in your day. |
| Ms. Ortiz recommended setting a cap on the number of holiday events you go to. This does not mean your R.S.V.P. cannot be subject to change, but last-minute notice intensifies hurt feelings and disappointment for the host. | Ms. Ortiz recommended setting a cap on the number of holiday events you go to. This does not mean your R.S.V.P. cannot be subject to change, but last-minute notice intensifies hurt feelings and disappointment for the host. |
| If you sense you will not be up to attending an event you have agreed to, let the host know as soon as possible. Be courteous, but no need to overexplain. | If you sense you will not be up to attending an event you have agreed to, let the host know as soon as possible. Be courteous, but no need to overexplain. |
| Once you’ve decided that you want to go to the party, set an expectation for how much time you feel will be enjoyable Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, a founder of Together Live, an annual conference built around storytelling, said that she usually engages in up to three conversations at any given event, rather than having small talk in a crowd. | Once you’ve decided that you want to go to the party, set an expectation for how much time you feel will be enjoyable Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, a founder of Together Live, an annual conference built around storytelling, said that she usually engages in up to three conversations at any given event, rather than having small talk in a crowd. |
| She also gives herself an out time. “I always say I’m great fun from 6 to 8,” she said. “I’ve never been taken to a second location in my entire life, but I leave feeling full.” | She also gives herself an out time. “I always say I’m great fun from 6 to 8,” she said. “I’ve never been taken to a second location in my entire life, but I leave feeling full.” |
| Start by taking time to understand your needs. These will vary based on the circumstances you’re in, requiring you to consistently check in with your desire for closeness with another person. | Start by taking time to understand your needs. These will vary based on the circumstances you’re in, requiring you to consistently check in with your desire for closeness with another person. |
| Ask yourself how much you feel comfortable sharing — physically, sexually, emotionally, intellectually. Allow boundaries to be a fluid part of your interactions with others. If you feel uncomfortable don’t disregard your instinct. | Ask yourself how much you feel comfortable sharing — physically, sexually, emotionally, intellectually. Allow boundaries to be a fluid part of your interactions with others. If you feel uncomfortable don’t disregard your instinct. |
| Ms. Ricketts suggested asking yourself: “Whose comfort is being centered?” If you are sacrificing your feelings to accommodate someone else’s, a boundary ought to be applied. | Ms. Ricketts suggested asking yourself: “Whose comfort is being centered?” If you are sacrificing your feelings to accommodate someone else’s, a boundary ought to be applied. |
| If your partner is joining you this season, be honest about what the two of you can expect. As uncomfortable as it may be, don’t withhold information that could be potentially harmful, like insensitivities, prejudices or phobias related to same-sex or mixed-race relationships that may exist in your family. | If your partner is joining you this season, be honest about what the two of you can expect. As uncomfortable as it may be, don’t withhold information that could be potentially harmful, like insensitivities, prejudices or phobias related to same-sex or mixed-race relationships that may exist in your family. |
| It’s best to avoid surprises, and imperative to prioritize your partner’s comfort. Once your partner is aware, give the option of not participating, without consequence or judgment. | It’s best to avoid surprises, and imperative to prioritize your partner’s comfort. Once your partner is aware, give the option of not participating, without consequence or judgment. |
| If you reach consensus, establish a game plan. The allegiance and alignment of the partnership will get you through bumps should they arise. Create a code word or gesture to indicate if or when you or your partner becomes uncomfortable and needs to take a break. Go lie down, meditate or take a walk. | |
| Ms. Ricketts, who has navigated racially fraught scenarios firsthand, said, “Prior to any family gathering, both of you can get clear on your boundaries: what actions, statements and behaviors you will and will not tolerate from you or your partner’s family, and practice honoring them together. If steps cannot be put in place prior to the holidays, or if it still feels too unsafe, then it may be best to sit this one out.” | Ms. Ricketts, who has navigated racially fraught scenarios firsthand, said, “Prior to any family gathering, both of you can get clear on your boundaries: what actions, statements and behaviors you will and will not tolerate from you or your partner’s family, and practice honoring them together. If steps cannot be put in place prior to the holidays, or if it still feels too unsafe, then it may be best to sit this one out.” |
| While a mutually supportive strategy is crucial, you must also prepare for the unexpected. Alana Kaufman, a psychotherapist in New York, advised that festivities are frequently unpredictable. | While a mutually supportive strategy is crucial, you must also prepare for the unexpected. Alana Kaufman, a psychotherapist in New York, advised that festivities are frequently unpredictable. |
| “These are usually game-time responses that have to happen,” Ms. Kaufman said. “You can talk to your family, but then you arrive, people are drinking eggnog and slips occur — that’s the insidious nature of bias. So, if a threshold is crossed, take a pause in the moment, step away to regroup, and return as a united front.” | “These are usually game-time responses that have to happen,” Ms. Kaufman said. “You can talk to your family, but then you arrive, people are drinking eggnog and slips occur — that’s the insidious nature of bias. So, if a threshold is crossed, take a pause in the moment, step away to regroup, and return as a united front.” |
| Ms. Kaufman said family is a main stressor during the holidays. | Ms. Kaufman said family is a main stressor during the holidays. |
| “Our families are the ones that install our ‘buttons,’ so therefore they know exactly how to push them,” she said. “One thing to keep in mind is that the buttons installed may be a product of a parent’s unresolved psychological issues. It is important to try to understand what feelings feel authentic to you and not take on others’ feelings.” | “Our families are the ones that install our ‘buttons,’ so therefore they know exactly how to push them,” she said. “One thing to keep in mind is that the buttons installed may be a product of a parent’s unresolved psychological issues. It is important to try to understand what feelings feel authentic to you and not take on others’ feelings.” |
| Wounds are going to be opened, or reopened, so you have to heal those through relaxation techniques, coping skills and a lot of support and love from your chosen family. Who are the individuals in your life that you receive positive support from? “Identify and call on them,” Ms. Ortiz said, “they are your community.” | Wounds are going to be opened, or reopened, so you have to heal those through relaxation techniques, coping skills and a lot of support and love from your chosen family. Who are the individuals in your life that you receive positive support from? “Identify and call on them,” Ms. Ortiz said, “they are your community.” |
| Adriana Alejandre, the founder of Latinx Therapy, prescribes her clients body scans (a targeted meditation technique). You can also use an app like Calm or breathing techniques. | Adriana Alejandre, the founder of Latinx Therapy, prescribes her clients body scans (a targeted meditation technique). You can also use an app like Calm or breathing techniques. |
| “Maybe you need to take a deep breath right now,” she said. “Maybe you need to take a walk, or create some space from this person.” If you can’t take space, Mrs. Alejandre suggested finding a point of focus such as your feet to establish a grounding center of attention. | “Maybe you need to take a deep breath right now,” she said. “Maybe you need to take a walk, or create some space from this person.” If you can’t take space, Mrs. Alejandre suggested finding a point of focus such as your feet to establish a grounding center of attention. |
| For many people, merriment and alcohol have become synonymous. “Our body is constantly trying to seek balance,” said Holly Whitaker, the C.E.O. of Tempest, a digital recovery platform, and the author of the forthcoming book “Quit Like a Woman.” “So, if we’re flooding ourselves with a depressant, the body is counteracting that by flooding it with cortisol, which essentially creates anxiety rather than lessen it.” | For many people, merriment and alcohol have become synonymous. “Our body is constantly trying to seek balance,” said Holly Whitaker, the C.E.O. of Tempest, a digital recovery platform, and the author of the forthcoming book “Quit Like a Woman.” “So, if we’re flooding ourselves with a depressant, the body is counteracting that by flooding it with cortisol, which essentially creates anxiety rather than lessen it.” |
| Ms. Whitaker suggested examining our assumptions about alcohol. “The first is to change the belief system around alcohol helping — it doesn’t, it just stops the process,” she said. | Ms. Whitaker suggested examining our assumptions about alcohol. “The first is to change the belief system around alcohol helping — it doesn’t, it just stops the process,” she said. |
| Why? “Drinking blocks our connectivity with others and arrests the metabolization of our emotions,” she said. “When things arise among family members, triggering situations erupt, the goal is not to turn it off, the goal is to be able to ride it, to sit through it. When we are able to do that, it allows us to evolve, to mature.” | Why? “Drinking blocks our connectivity with others and arrests the metabolization of our emotions,” she said. “When things arise among family members, triggering situations erupt, the goal is not to turn it off, the goal is to be able to ride it, to sit through it. When we are able to do that, it allows us to evolve, to mature.” |
| Discovering old traditions or creating new ones can bring joy by closing this decade with a glimmer of hope and curiosity. | Discovering old traditions or creating new ones can bring joy by closing this decade with a glimmer of hope and curiosity. |
| “I like more fun, cultural traditions,” Mrs. Alejandre said. “My dad’s Mexican and my mom’s Guatemalan, so we have a few that the whole family enjoys, like putting on red underwear, symbolizing romance, love and happiness, and walking around the block holding a suitcase, which means you’ll get to travel within the next year.” | “I like more fun, cultural traditions,” Mrs. Alejandre said. “My dad’s Mexican and my mom’s Guatemalan, so we have a few that the whole family enjoys, like putting on red underwear, symbolizing romance, love and happiness, and walking around the block holding a suitcase, which means you’ll get to travel within the next year.” |
| “There’s also ‘Luego, Luego,’ where you eat 12 grapes, and make a wish for each one right after the countdown, she said. “The group feels connected and you’re able to enjoy the moment through the silliness of it.” | “There’s also ‘Luego, Luego,’ where you eat 12 grapes, and make a wish for each one right after the countdown, she said. “The group feels connected and you’re able to enjoy the moment through the silliness of it.” |